I have been going through tormenting years, desperate to have a baby after my miscarriage in mid 2007. I kept indulging myself in self-pity and kept asking "WHY" I can't have a baby just like any others.
I saw a friend of my husband, M, recently with a little girl, aged three. I was sure enough that she adopted the girl as her daughter. My husband heard the lil girl called M "mommy". That didn't help my depression. In fact, I was even more depressed. I knew there are options around (invitro, chinese medication, acupuncture, adoptions) to have a child but I was too stressed to make any moves.
Recently, we went to visit our friends during the CNY and found that she was four months pregnant. She had the same problem as I, polycystic ovaries or something like that but she managed to conceive! She introduced me to her doctor.
Today, I walked in the clinic with my husband. I was filled with anxiety as I wanted to know what was wrong with me and prayed that the doctor has the wisdom and intelligence to give me the best prescription. But due to the popularity of the doctor, we sat there waiting hour after hour. By the third hour, my husband had lost his patience and talked to the nurse.
"How long more to wait? Each time when a new patient comes in, it's their turn first. Then, it'll take forever until we can get the opportunity to see the doctor," Husband said.
"It's because they've made appointment. There are 2 more patients before your wife's turn," the nurse replied.
I waited eagerly and soon it was my turn. The doctor asked many questions to understand my health history, including those of my family members. He told me that he's no magician but he'll try his best to prescribe the right medication to help me conceive. I was elated. Nothing in the world could replace the heart that leaps at the sight of one's own flesh and blood!
All this while, I've been going through roller coaster, my emotion was unstable and I cried at nights while praying, asking God to provide me children. It was so depressing.
I'm happy today. I should be. I saw hope with this new doctor. I've tried countless doctors to cure my irregular menstrual as well as my liver problem. After all these trials and errors, I felt I'm just like one of the doctors guinea pigs!
In this happy moment, my husband threw tantrum and temper at me. I knew he didn't have his lunch. We were late for lunch. It's way past lunch time but didn't he feel the same like I do? Didn't he understand how much I wanted a baby and that I'm seeing hope? No. He didn't. The hope to have a baby is what I had in mind which he didn't have. It's something to do with me and not him. I was thinking, he might be asking himself, "What have I got to do with whether you have a baby or not?"
I saw a friend of my husband, M, recently with a little girl, aged three. I was sure enough that she adopted the girl as her daughter. My husband heard the lil girl called M "mommy". That didn't help my depression. In fact, I was even more depressed. I knew there are options around (invitro, chinese medication, acupuncture, adoptions) to have a child but I was too stressed to make any moves.
Recently, we went to visit our friends during the CNY and found that she was four months pregnant. She had the same problem as I, polycystic ovaries or something like that but she managed to conceive! She introduced me to her doctor.
Today, I walked in the clinic with my husband. I was filled with anxiety as I wanted to know what was wrong with me and prayed that the doctor has the wisdom and intelligence to give me the best prescription. But due to the popularity of the doctor, we sat there waiting hour after hour. By the third hour, my husband had lost his patience and talked to the nurse.
"How long more to wait? Each time when a new patient comes in, it's their turn first. Then, it'll take forever until we can get the opportunity to see the doctor," Husband said.
"It's because they've made appointment. There are 2 more patients before your wife's turn," the nurse replied.
I waited eagerly and soon it was my turn. The doctor asked many questions to understand my health history, including those of my family members. He told me that he's no magician but he'll try his best to prescribe the right medication to help me conceive. I was elated. Nothing in the world could replace the heart that leaps at the sight of one's own flesh and blood!
All this while, I've been going through roller coaster, my emotion was unstable and I cried at nights while praying, asking God to provide me children. It was so depressing.
I'm happy today. I should be. I saw hope with this new doctor. I've tried countless doctors to cure my irregular menstrual as well as my liver problem. After all these trials and errors, I felt I'm just like one of the doctors guinea pigs!
In this happy moment, my husband threw tantrum and temper at me. I knew he didn't have his lunch. We were late for lunch. It's way past lunch time but didn't he feel the same like I do? Didn't he understand how much I wanted a baby and that I'm seeing hope? No. He didn't. The hope to have a baby is what I had in mind which he didn't have. It's something to do with me and not him. I was thinking, he might be asking himself, "What have I got to do with whether you have a baby or not?"
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