Today I went through a shocking fear after meeting with NST.
Like usual, she threw her tantrum in front of me and my other friends. I felt like crying but I kept bitting my lips. She was at the shouting level and I could feel, if I'm a seven-year-old kid, she would want to twist my ear and pinch my arm. I dared not even look at her. She flared up and all I could see through the corner of my eyes were she kept finger-pointing at me and shouting at how ungrateful I was. I tried to explain but she shouted even louder. All I could do was head down and swallow my tears.
When I got into my car, I started crying. I cried so badly, I thanked God that the flood of tears did not make me bump into cars. I wished to hold Jesus near, close by because I knew it so much that only Him, only God is loving, kind, tender and forgiving. He will not pick on small mistakes nor hurting someone to the point of wanting that person to lie death in front of Him. I wanted Jesus. I knew only He could heal me.
I cried and cried till my heart, my throat and my lung hurt. I did not know what I could do to stop the pain in me. It's the deja vu fear.
My dad was an aggressive man. He scolded and beat my brother and I. I was lucky to be beaten the least. Nevertheless, when dad scolded someone, that person had to look down, feel sorry and not give any reply. Otherwise, a further punishment would be placed on that person. I felt that NST was all the same like my dad when she started scolding. And just like my dad, she would be asking questions and hoping that I won't be replying. How the same! I'd lived with my aggressive dad for the past 27 years, under his iron-fist and now...
I don't understand at all. But through this experience, I learned 3 things:
1) God is loving, tender, forgiving and understanding
2) No one is perfect
3) I've to look at things the positive way. eg. NST scolded rightly. I'll take the initiative to work harder RATHER THAN saying she condemns me and I'll be dead meat before I knew it.
Now, my heartache does not stop there. My friends think I deserved to be scolded and reprimanded. As such, I didn't get any consolation nor comforting words from them. That's LIFE!
Like usual, she threw her tantrum in front of me and my other friends. I felt like crying but I kept bitting my lips. She was at the shouting level and I could feel, if I'm a seven-year-old kid, she would want to twist my ear and pinch my arm. I dared not even look at her. She flared up and all I could see through the corner of my eyes were she kept finger-pointing at me and shouting at how ungrateful I was. I tried to explain but she shouted even louder. All I could do was head down and swallow my tears.
When I got into my car, I started crying. I cried so badly, I thanked God that the flood of tears did not make me bump into cars. I wished to hold Jesus near, close by because I knew it so much that only Him, only God is loving, kind, tender and forgiving. He will not pick on small mistakes nor hurting someone to the point of wanting that person to lie death in front of Him. I wanted Jesus. I knew only He could heal me.
I cried and cried till my heart, my throat and my lung hurt. I did not know what I could do to stop the pain in me. It's the deja vu fear.
My dad was an aggressive man. He scolded and beat my brother and I. I was lucky to be beaten the least. Nevertheless, when dad scolded someone, that person had to look down, feel sorry and not give any reply. Otherwise, a further punishment would be placed on that person. I felt that NST was all the same like my dad when she started scolding. And just like my dad, she would be asking questions and hoping that I won't be replying. How the same! I'd lived with my aggressive dad for the past 27 years, under his iron-fist and now...
I don't understand at all. But through this experience, I learned 3 things:
1) God is loving, tender, forgiving and understanding
2) No one is perfect
3) I've to look at things the positive way. eg. NST scolded rightly. I'll take the initiative to work harder RATHER THAN saying she condemns me and I'll be dead meat before I knew it.
Now, my heartache does not stop there. My friends think I deserved to be scolded and reprimanded. As such, I didn't get any consolation nor comforting words from them. That's LIFE!
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