Standing at the crossroads...

I am a bad decision maker. To be frank, at times I also wondered whether I married the right man! Ha-ha! I must be kidding...

I started to take a Master program in 2007. When I first received the acceptance letter from UM, I was so elated that I praised God for giving me what I wanted. I completed all the courses within 2 semesters and I'm 0.03 to the first class grade. I was confident that I can finish the program before the 10th semester.

Then, I prayed for a child. I thought, "If I'm reading and learning so much, why waste it? I should have a baby and let the baby start learning when he is in my stomach." And I got a child!

So, came the morning sickness and early pregnancy bleeding and I had to be in crib condition for the first four months of my pregnancy, walking around the house only when it was necessary such as going to the toilet to pee, poo or vomit the food I just ate.

So, that made me lost my semesters. And that was not all. Even after I was fine, I got lazy and enjoyed the pregnancy - all I did was eat, sleep and watch TV. A-ha!

Came sixth semester, a sweet adorable child was born and all I could think of was him alone and nothing else. Another semester gone and when I came to my senses, I realised I have not many semesters left.

The 8th semester has just ended and not even a chapter is approved!

At times, I wanted to give up so much, I cry, calling out to God to lead me. God sent His angels through church members and strangers to encourage me to go on though I was having a bad time with my supervisor. After picking up on the momentum for some time, I was on the bad mood again and again, thought of giving up.

Now, I am standing at the crossroads, not knowing whether I should continue with my thesis or leave everything behind.

To be frank, the reason for hanging on for so long was due to:

1) Money spent

2) Time spent

3) Effort spent

4) Good results

5) EVERYBODY knows I'm taking this program!

Yes, indeed it's reason no. 5 which made me hang on there and suffer so much!

Today, after reading Max Lucado's weekly devotional email, I found some peace...

Why am I worrying about HOW people might think and see me? I am as good as before. I'm blessed to have a son and yes, Jesus asks us not to worry about clothes or food. He blesses us accordingly and I believe whether I'm going to finish my Master program, God has His way...

I should learn to let go or let down my pride and walk away when I know that God loves me for being me, even when I don't have my Master degree.

Yes, Jesus loves me...