I had breakfast with my daughter at a mamak stall. Hannah said she was hungry at hearing the name of "roti canal". She loves to eat food made with flour. Biscuits, bread, etc...
The stall was playing WWF. As I was watching the horrible scene of one lady bending the other's leg and having the other screaming for mercy, I thought,"Why would these people in their right mind like to watch this kind of show? How cruel it is!"
Everything seemed ok until...Hannah took her nap in the morning.
I went out to finish off what I needed to do. Then, I went searching for jobs...but it ended without any decision. I went to cook lunch and gradually, my mood went downhill...
I felt like a failure. Nothing seemed to be going right. I had to teach Isaac but I couldn't because Hannah was lingering around and pulled me to the room once and again to be breastfed. I hoped time could past fast enough before I had my explosion. I thanked God that granted me strength to pray at that time of low spirit. The prayer gave me extra strength to go through two hours without exploding, and I was relieved that my husband was back from work to take my baton.
I like to cook. When I cook I'm alone. I can talk to myself. I can be 'free' for some time. So, I took out the coconut flour my mom bought for me to bake bread. It was not right. It didn't come out as bread. It came out as biscuits or maybe biscuit-bread? I felt bad again...but now that when I settled down to write this, it calmed me. I feel better. I think I shouldn't start looking for job unless I'm ready for it. The process of looking for jobs always stressed me out especially when I know I couldn't take the job I wanted!
If you ask, what's my blessings I received today?
1) I thank God that my husband was very understanding today.
2) Hannah was such an adorable child - she danced her Wong Fei Hung version all by herself.
3) Isaac practised piano without being asked to.
It's good to always think about the pure, lovely and admirable things..
Keep going!
No comments:
Post a Comment