Puppy Friendship

My son's fever relapsed on Wednesday. I was so exhausted from the last week routine of to and fro to the hospital and yet, when I thought I could finally have good nights sleep, his fever came again. This time doubled up with cough. 

On my side, my breastmilk on the right breast somehow got clogged up and caused stoned-like lump. It has been painful for quite a few days but I was too busy with my son that I didn't bother to do anything with it. So, the lump somehow caused me to have fever too. 

It was tiring enough to take care of my sick baby and then, I've to take care of my fever. Went to visit my breastfeed consultant and was advised that I am diagnosed with mastitis and should be taking antibiotics. If the case deteriorate, I may need to go through a minor surgery to have my breast cut open to get that lump out. Minor or major surgery, I definitely do not want my breast to be cut opened. It's horrible. Now, I don't understand why my breastmilk got clogged up. Never mind. Too tired to think about it.

My son's fever got better today. Mine too. Just need to keep monitoring the water intake.  During  these exhausted days, I tried to find comfort in friends. However, they disappointed me. 

When my son had red dots coming out from his body last week, I called my 'best buddy'. I thought she might know anything about dengue and the red dots since she has been working in the hospital for quite a few years already. But she didn't. It's fine. I don't mind that she didn't know anything about it. Maybe my expectations were too high, I wish that, when I needed comfort the most, she would call back or at least SMS me to ask about my son's condition. Alas! Never! I've became just like a stranger to her...

She was my best buddy since Secondary 1. We talked and shared about almost everything and because I have no sister, I treated her like one. Though through the years, we have not contacted much, I still keep her in my mind. Forgetting about birthdays, I admit I was not a proactive person who would go an extra mile to meet up with old friends. Nevertheless, I did sent out SMS occasionally reminding them of my EXISTENCE. 

I yearned for the long friendship - 17 years of friendship with this buddy. However, no matter what I did, she has no reactions towards me. I was so heartache. This buddy, a friend, whom I've always thought as my BEST of friends, ignored me and left me out just like that. She was my bride's maid in my wedding. She was my secret keeper. My uni mate said, "Friends come and go, family stays." Is that true?

Maybe I should not hold on to the past. Maybe I was too naive to believe that friendship could last. Maybe it's just a puppy friendship, like a relationship, it just lasted for a few years and that's it. 

Yes, I will move on...to someone who really cares...and not waste anymore time on someone, who will never care for me anymore.