I'm not a good mother

How often do you think you're not a good mom? 

I often feel that. 

Today I felt it's so true - I am not a good mom. 

It's Christmas and as usual, kids got a lot of junk food including lollies and chocolates. I asked my son to put all the food into a large plastic bag. 

Later in the day, I picked out the junk food, which was to be given to the security guards of our condominium. When I was almost done, my baby wanted to eat something and prompted me to go to the fridge and there, I found a small hill of lollies, chocolates and junk food. OK, that's the work of my son. He kept whatever he wanted in the fridge and left what he didn't want out there in the big plastic bag. Aha- I caught him. So, I picked out those I "don't" like and put them in the plastic bag. 

When we were going out for dinner with the bag of food for the guards, he suddenly asked, "Mama, did you take the lollies from the fridge?"

I've to say yes. I don't lie. And that's the start of a terrible war. He started to grumble and fuss about how many lollies I've picked out and what's left. It made him even more frustrated because we were out and he couldn't check the fridge, and what's given is given. 

It was until we ordered the food that I lost my temper and pulled his ear. 

"What's so big deal with giving others some lollies? You've so many? And there are more than 4 in the fridge, I'm sure. Isn't that enough?" 

I felt bad after that. When we were back home, he apologised to me, after checking the fridge and found that he actually has 8 lollies! I apologised to him too yet I felt a part of me has turned bad. It's a bad experience. I hate to be a bad mom. I cried but it's the past. 

Temper oh, temper...you're such an evil. 

I cried to The Lord and was comforted. If I had told my son, "Please come to the fridge and let us sort this out. There are too much of junk in it." I'm sure he'll respond happily and we won't have any disagreement after that. But I was so wrong to be bossy. I thought I can give away whatever I like. I should have discussed with my son. He's big enough to understand. After all, he's a mature boy and the teachers that have taught him before never failed to let me know that "Isaac is a mature boy. He can understand many things. He's one that can sit down to discuss a thing and talked to."

Lord, oh Lord, please guide me to be a better mom.