Husband and Wife 1

Lately, I have had many arguments with my husband. To me, I felt I've totally lost hope and expectations in him. Take the day before Christmas, I was extremely tired ( I wondered why). After attending my husband's subordinate wedding reception, we reached home at 3pm and I was exhausted. Lying on the bed, my son asked for milk. I asked my husband, who had just taken his bath, to prepare the milk for the baby yet he refused to. I woke up and prepared it myself. The anger was burning inside. I hated him to the extent of wanting him to die. I don't understand why he simply can't fullfill my simple request. What is a husband for if he couldn't provide in the time when I needed him most?

I refused to go to church for the dinner. He brought our son and left. I was angry. I was disappointed. He didn't even say sorry for that? He didn't even consider to beg me to go? 

I called a few friends and thought of running away from home. Yet, everyone was busy with Christmas! Who's going to take me in? 

I left the house and accelerated to the church, wanting to take my son home and asked my husband to stay out of the house for the night. I didn't want to see him. I hated him to the extent of wanting to take a stone and *BOING* on his head. 

I reached church and at the entrance, we argued. I wanted my son and leave. We got into his car and talked. 

He apologised and I gave in. 

Letting the child attend playschool

Lately, I started to get busy with life again. Hmm...It's not really about work but about my unfinished thesis. I started my Master programme before I got pregnant and till now, I already has a son, just celebrated his two years of age and yet, I'm still stuck with an unfinished dissertation! I thought of giving up but then, an old time professor told me, "It's not only about finishing the thesis, it's about completing something you've started. You'll be a role model for your children in the future."

A role model? Yea, I wish I can. Hence, I took up the courage to make my life busy with my thesis. But how can I get busy with my thesis when I've to take care of my son? I decided to send him to a trusted playschool which is opened by my church member. Then, I can really sit down and work without fear of my son getting injured or without proper care.

I've to admit that letting go of my son is a terrible decision since he was with me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and he's like my own heartbeat. The moment I thought of letting him attend playschool, I shivered and my eyes were filled with tears. I had the disease people called separation anxiety!!!

The first day that I sent my son to the playschool, I was very excited and so was my son. To me, he was not scared at all. In fact, he was extremely engrossed with the activities and totally forgotten about me! So, I went off.

But the next day, I cried in front of the headmistress, my friend. I told her that I felt myself as useless because I'm only taking care of my son - ONE son. Some people might think I'm useless because I can't handle even a son. My friend consoled me and told me that it's OK to send the child to the playschool. She has children younger than my son attending her school and yes, full time mother also needs rest and some personal time.

Full time mothers out there, do not fear of having your own personal time. I feel great having my own few hours now. I feel relaxed without my son tagging along when I need to do my homework. and yes, I feel recharged after the few hours of separation.

Facing the facts...

Last Saturday, I went to visit two church members with my cell group members. The first family has a business but since the man of the family faced with the second attack of stroke, he is bed ridden or stays mostly in the bed now. And what's tiring is that, his wife said, he might wakes up 10 times a night just to go to the toilet and how burdensome it is for his wife to carry his weight and direct him to the toilet. We can see tears flooding in her eyes yet she did not let them flow down freely. She held back. I guessed she was still not familiar with us to cry in front of us. And...I could sense the message of , "no matter how much you cry, you still have to FACE it." She was strong. 

The second person that we visited was one with kidney failure. She has become so thin and frail that I almost can't recognise her. Her husband is a lorry driver and a few families of the lorry drivers stay in the same house considered as a 'hostel' to them. She looked exhausted and she told us how she hungered for different food but she was not able to eat them because she kept vomiting after each meal. The vomiting might be through the night which cause her to be sleepless. 

I could only sigh after meeting the two members. My tears flowed in my heart as I watched them and imagined how they cope with their lives even for the next moment...They need people to care and make sure they stay on the right tracks of mind to look up at God.

A man who asked for bread in the middle of the night

Once, there was a man who was very poor. He went to his friends in the middle of the night and knocked on their doors. The doors were not opened until he went up to the fourth friend. He was given bread, eaten them and went home peacefully.

The next day, the first friend came and asked him, "How are you, my friend? Do you need any bread?"

The man looked at his friend and answered, "Sorry, I don't know you."

It was when one is in hunger that he needed bread the most, not after he had eaten and had enough. It is in time of despair and desperate need that one ask for help...not when things are going smoothly. How friends flee when they smell problems are around the corner. And that's the reason we need God in time of despair when everyone else abandon us. 

The impossible has become possible - through God

I've always thought that I was not able to change.

I"ve this gene that was passed down by my dad, my dad from his dad and so on...And for all these years, I was always haunted with the same problem - quick temper. Relatives from the same family branches always blame it on the gene and said that it's in our blood when others are hurt and with the same excuse, we hope that the hurt person will forgive us or overlook the faulty in our gene. and so, changing in us is - impossible!

Even after knowing Christ for almost 7 years now, I've JUST grasped the impossible!

A sis in Christ visited  me recently and shared me her testimonies. Long story cut short, I told her it's almost impossible for me to change. The 'gene' is in me and I've like no control to what I'll be doing when the temper takes in. I felt hideous each time after a temper broke out. I felt sinful. I felt sad...devastated that there's no cure for me.

And then I started to pray...earnestly. It did not come just like that...but gradually, I feel I'm changing. When there were incidents which provoke me to get angry, I kept cool and talked to God instead.

I am a FREE person now, free from all the superstitiousness, free from the bind of the so-called 'hereditary' hot temper and most of all - I know that, "with God, nothing is impossible."

Jesus Christ wants us to be free. He wants us to be free from alcohol, free from gambling, free from illicit sexual desires / activities, free from the bind of superstitious beliefs, free from our negative behaviours / attitudes / characters or whatsoever hereditary. The word "FREE" means we are in control of what we don't want to do. For example, when I do not want to get angry, I am free to do that. But if you don't want to do something but are unable to control yourself from doing it, you're bound!

Be a free person today and seek for Jesus Christ!

Life's lesson

It seems like I've isolated my blog for quite some time. The reason was that I was very VERY busy with my thesis and was unable to make time to write anything else.

The past two weeks really made me grow - spiritually.

I had argument with my husband. I had friend visiting me. I had patiently listened and talked to someone whom I did not like. Those things have changed my life, or at least change the way I view others.

Firstly, I've learned not only to see myself as "I" only but rather "we" when it's with my husband because we have become ONE. When we are married, "two have become one" and we should appreciate this union blessed by God.

Secondly, I've learned to listen to other people's stories...I find that nowadays everyone is so busy with own stuffs that we rarely stop to listen or read about others. We could spend time with our pets or watching TV but not listening to others. WHY? When I opened up my heart to listen, and thank God for bridging the relationship between my senior and I, I pitied her. In fact, I started to realise why she has acted the way she did. I let go of the past events where she hurt me countless times. and viola, I feel great! The burden of hatred did give me tiring shoulders and sleepless nights. Now, whenever I need to see her, I just pray that God bridge our relationship and that let me accept her as she is.

Thirdly, I've learn to accept God's will rather than mine. Whatever that I pray for, it's a prayer and it depends on whether God will grant it to me. and so, even if things did not work out as I've prayed, I should be willing to accept it and say, "Yea, may God's will be done."

We should walk slowly and enjoy the scenery, whether it's climbing up a hill, going through a dark tunnel or sitting in a raft going through storms.

May God's will be done.

Stepping out of the circle

I did not shed a tear after my recent meeting with my supervisor.

For all I could remember, those meetings with my supervisor were horrible and unpleasant with demotivating comments. But the recent meeting brought smile to my face.

My supervisor scolded me for using recycled papers to print the drafts for her to check. In her view, I was not respecting her by using recycled paper. She also commented that using recycled paper showed that my mind is cluttered (what I submit shows my mind's condition). On my side, I was just doing the environment a little kindness (and also to save money). After all, the drafts would be in the rubbish dump after I amended my writing.  Although I didn't quite agree with her thinking, I've to admit that my mind was cluttered at that point of time. I smiled. The comment brought warmth and I thought how funny human's thinking differ from each other.

For all the comments I got through the years like 'stupid', 'brainless', 'rubbish' and so forth, 'cluttered mind' was the easiest to swallow.

I wondered whether I would have continued my journey in the banking industry if I were able to take a step out of the circle then when I was criticised. I wished I would have replied, "Stupid? Who? Me?"

I've to stress that, without Jesus Christ, I don't think I could have done it.

God not only carried me out of the circle but also provided me with TWO very lovely lecturers from overseas that I got to know through the world of web to answer my stupidest questions which I think my supervisor would have shouted her lung out for even asking!

Thank you, Jesus Christ. Thank you so much!
I might be stupid but you've never abandoned me.

What is the right question to ask?

Recently I am extremely busy with my thesis (which seems to take forever to finish).

I joined a discussion group on the field I am researching and asked several questions.

For the first time, my questions were answered by my supervisor. (Question like 1+1)

Then, the second time, my questions were answered with another question. (Question like 1+1-1)

Well, the questions I asked might seem so simple to the group but to me, it's tough enough to make me sleepless.

I wondered whether the group will think or would have thought that I am so stupid as not to understand a thing in the thing I am researching.

So, what should I ask if not the things I don't understand? Who is the stupidest? The person who asks questions he/she doesn't understand or the person who keeps quiet on the thing he/she doesn't understand?

Our tummy and immune system

For those Mommies out there who have children who are reluctant to eat, you may want to try giving probiotics. Frankly, I've gone through a lot when my son refused to eat all 3 meals a day, I know exactly how it feels when a child refuses to eat. I suggest that Mommies give children probiotics everyday until you see improvement in them. Then, reduce the intake, once every two days. 

I came across an article in The Star Sunday about our tummy and immune system. Our tummy is the largest immune system (80%) of our body. So, it is imperative that we take good care of our stomach. Having good stomach (like daily poo-ing), enough nutrients, etc. will ensure that we have strong immune system. Read the following links for more info. 

Tummy Tales - The Star newspaper

Info on probiotics and immune system

When baby has a strong immune, he/she will not get sick and needless to say, will have appetite to eat like normal kids.

Keep it up Mommies! Don't be disheartened.

My son's health

My son had a very high fever, reaching 40 degree Celsius, few weeks ago.

Frankly, as a first time mother, I tried whatever I could to prevent him from getting sick (or maybe I didn't do enough?). After all, I thought breastfeeding is already the best medication for a baby yet my son gets sick so often I wondered whether it's true breastfeeding child is healthier.

Then, a sis-in-Christ introduced me to Mr. Lim, who used to own an organic shop. I called him after some hesitation. I did not want my son to take supplements or any kind of undefined drugs from direct sales but I had no choice. He took Western medication and he got sick again and again and I could feel he was getting weaker by days and not any stronger. He took Chinese medication and I could see improvement in him yet I did not really like the term "medicine".

Mr. Lim introduced me to Strath, a herbal yeast supplement and Lacto GG probiotics. He told me that these two can easily heal my son. Thank God. It was as if God has brought His angel to tell me this. After giving my son Strath and probiotics for about two weeks, I started to see improvement in him. He started to have appetite to eat again.

You're uniquely created!

"You're uniquely created!"

I've heard that tonnes of times but it just could not bang right into my head.

I was considered the black sheep of the family because I cried so often so that when something bad happened after I cried, Mom would blame it on me!

For the past 31 years, I've been living under my brother's shadow. Mom always praises my brother for his good command of English and Mathematics. So far, I've never hear a word of praise from Mom for whatever I've done.

I was aimless. I lived my life as if seeking my mom's approval and praises. It hurts so much when I don't get praises from her but instead condemnation.

Reading The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren made me realise that so far, I've run the wrong path. I've lived the wrong way. I've lived a life for my mom and that's definitely wrong!

Now I believe that I'm uniquely created, whether I've good English or not. I'm so unique before there's no other Alice on earth like me!

Yes, I might not be perfect but if whatever I do, I include God in it, I don't need Mom's praises. If every little things can be brought to prayer and do it as if doing for God, it will be "perfect"!

Why to believe in Christ?

I am the youngest in my family with an elder brother. We used to live in a temple and my grandma was a medium. Just in case if you don't know what a medium is - a medium is one who lets the spirit to take on his/her physical body and soul for a time being and so, the spirit can speak through that person. Any idea?

OK. Since young, I was very afraid of dark although I lived in the temple. Probably because of all the idols in the house, it made me scare to go to the toilet at night. And I would always carry talismans in the purse or bags so to 'protect' myself against evil spirits.

Nevertheless, when I saw my mom got hurt through black magic or charm, I was so scared. Mom had to look for a master to cure her from the charm. And it made me scare of this so call "God" that I'd been believing so far.

To me, a God is supposed to protect me against all and EVERYTHING and make me feel peaceful and not scared. Although there were people who came to the temple to preach, before they could speak of anything besides, "Have you heard of Jesus?", they were turned down by the temple caretaker. I wished I had the opportunity to listen to the story of Jesus. He must be someone great. I like listening to story. Which children don't?

As I grew older, I became more obsessed with my own belief. All the aunties and uncles words of "truth" that Jesus is someone from the foreign country and not for us, Chinese, and how believing in Christ will cause one to hang in the middle of sky after death was enough to scare a teenager like me.

Once, friends of me, a twin sisters invited me to their church for Christmas and told me that there would be a sketch on the story of Jesus. I was elated. Now, for once I wanted so much to listen to the story of Jesus. I begged my brother and mom to go with me. Yes, we went. I got to know that Jesus died on the cross. But why?

I did not know much about this guy, Jesus, until I was 23. That was when my husband brought  me to his church. At first, I was absolute of  my own belief. I voiced a separation if  my husband, then bf, was to force me to convert. But then, after listening to the Reverend, I gave up my belief and took upon the cross.

The one and only statement that struck me to drop off my past belief and to pick up the cross was:

"Jesus can protect you against all harm, including ghosts and black magic."

Do you want the same peace?

Believing in Christ gives me true peace that I've never had before. Now, I can go anywhere I like without worrying being attack by a ghost!

Praise the Lord!

Today we brought our son to check on the cyst in his scrotum.

I cried tears of happiness when the doctor announced that the cyst has gone! How I wanted to say, "Yes, Lord. It's You. There's no other besides You."

The cyst was rather big, 2 x 2cm and it's gone!

There is still a scan and final checkup in another 4 months time to confirm the cyst has really gone. I know God will look after Isaac...

Yes, Allelujah! Amen!

What is the purpose in life?

When my son gets sick, the world is as if collapsing against me. I feel like it is the time for nightmare. It will end but it comes back every month! The pressure of taking care of my son eats up part of  me and my soul.

Nevertheless, as I stumble upon the book, The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren, I believe life will be different.

The first chapter, "It all starts with God".

There must be a God who created all these: earth, sun, stars, birds, fish, ...., and human! And if I were to know what's my purpose in life, I should be asking God.

As Warren puts it, God is the creator and we are what He created. Only by reading the creator's manual (the Bible) that we are able to understand what the creator creates us for.

Below is how I would be answering Warren's question:
DAY ONE: In spite of all the advertising around me, how can I remind myself that life is really about living for God, not myself?

Frankly speaking, at times I wondered why I was created. I don't understand why I need to be here and go through all the 'tough' things in life. Advertisements, of course, manipulated a large part of our life but then, it didn't do much harm to me, I suppose. Even before I understand or appreciate an advertisement, I already feel lousy about  myself. I feel lousy because my mom kept saying so.

I've been living for myself. If I've been living for God, then, I would be thinking differently. If I've been living for God, I would not have cared about what my mom says but what God has to say, isn't it?

Now, I know that God has a purpose for me, I would lead a purposeful life. I know that 'someone' will appreciate what I am doing even though the people around me see me as a lousy person.

God has a purpose for everyone. If you feel lousy as I do, I suggest you take a look at the book.

My son might be having asthma...

Yesterday around 9.30pm, we rushed our son to the general hospital. It was no surprise for us anymore that Isaac needs nebuliser each time he has a cough.

Previously, when he started to cough early of the month, I tried giving him Scott's fish liver oil which has made its name in the market to be one of the best supplement to build up children's immune system. I was glad that Isaac's cough was under control. He coughed only once or twice a day. But then, two days ago, things turned ugly. The supplement did not work anymore. Probably Isaac's body has used to the supplement and the virus in him are taking charge instead. So, his cough becomes serious and we could hear him wheezing.

Doctor gave him steroids medication. I asked whether it is necessary to give steroids at this age. The answer was, "YES."

I was not satisfied with the answer. I brought Isaac to visit another doctor near our house. His answer was the same. In fact, he has been giving Isaac steroids for the past visits! I was shocked to know that. I am a pro-natural person and to know that I've been giving my son steroids was like having a huge blow in my face.

If it is possible, I wanted Isaac to avoid steroids as much as possible. But if that is unavoidable, then may we have the courage to accept it and move on...

Thank you, my Father in heaven!

As I was searching for my self-identity, God threw me a book, A Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren.

It was just the right book to answer my questions on WHY AM I HERE? and WHAT IS THE PURPOSE IN LIFE?

As I was drowning in the sea of self-denial, I received an email from The Star newspaper. The editor liked my article and was asking for a photo of dad and I. I was overjoyed. OH my! My article to be printed along with my photo. That was a real WOW!

Each time after I saw my writing in print, I was happy for a short while and then I was back to the "I'm not good" mode. And to this, what I can say is, "I fall down 10 times and God holds me up 11 times." God was there to hold me up the times I fell and He is there now, ready to hold me up if I'm going to fall again. This is what I feel when I know my article will be published! God is telling me something. Each time someone condemned my writing, God cheered  me up.

To this, I say, Thank you to the Lord who gives abundantly and to my late Lou Tao in heaven, I've made you proud again!

Click at the link below to read the article:
The article which got published in The Star newspaper

Where lies my strength?

I called a counsellor today. Unable to make decision whether to continue with my thesis, I cried on the phone. I hated my supervisor so much for delaying  me. I hated the fact that I've to go on with this supervisor OR quit everything.

One conversation led to another and I ended up with a face wet with tears and a question in mind - what are my strengths?

I have always liked writing and teaching. But since my supervisor condemned on my writing and commented that I am not good enough to be a teacher, I quit everything! That was two years ago. I lost my vision and without Dad around to give me encouragement in writing, I was a lousy person.

I learned piano but quit when mom told me I couldn't play a good piece of song.
I learned art but quit when mom told me I couldn't draw anything that looks good.
I liked writing children's stories but quit when my supervisor told me my writing was so grave.

The counselor asked, "What strengths do you think you have?"
I replied, "None."

"You have strengths. Just spend some time to think," the counselor advised.

A picture of friends!

What are friends for?

To share good times.
To share bad times.
To share a photo together.

Where are my friends?

It's only at the loneliest period that one will think of the dear friends, who really care, love and share.

An inspirational story

I was inspired after reading Sunday's newspapers.

The story of Grayson Gilbert, a sick boy, now a young adult has touched  me deeply.

The FAITH he has has made it possible for him to go through all the sickness that almost take away his life.

At the age of six, the selfless sick child even wrote a note and put it under the statue of Jesus. The note sounds like this:

"Hi Jesus. This is Grayson. If you could, please heal the other kids. Thank you very much."

Suddenly, all my tiredness was gone, all my lamentations, my undecided decision, my plea for a rest, etc seemed to  melt away to nothingness. IF a boy who had to go through so much of pain and sufferings and yet able to pray for others, why not me? Why am I still lamenting on the work I have not completed, the irresponsible supervisor that I have, the rest that was denied and so on? 

Oh, how much more can we learn from other PEOPLE! Another lesson I learned is if we stop be arrogant, we will be able to learn a lot more. Today I learned some techniques in writing through a teenager. Yea, never look down on people younger than us. They could be smarter than us! If only we are willing to let go a bit, we'll gain a bit more...

For full story on Grayson Gilbert, follow the link below:

http://www.baltimoresun.com/entertainment/sun-magazine/bs-sm-cancer-survivor-20110522,0,465722.story

Lesson learned: Smile! No matter how small a thing you're doing, God is watching over us.

Venturing into the crocheting world!

This is what I'm busy doing currently!

Gotta go to try out new patterns!

Baking disaster

The curiousity in me prompt me to experiment with the Brazilian cheese bread recipe today.

I wondered:
1) What makes the Brazilian cheese balls rise?

Is it the egg? the cheese? or the tapioca flour with the mixture? or the blending process itself?

2) If the Brazilian cheese balls can rise, then I can make a sponge cake rise with the same technique, right?

I tried with exactly the same ingredients minus cheese and salt; plus choc chips. And it turned out to be a disaster!

The balls rose so high that they eventually burst and showed hollow bread!

So, I added some salt to the mixture. This time the balls rose but to an extend. Still, the balls collapsed once taken out from the oven. Hmm...

A baking disaster day! Hope this didn't damper your enthusiasm in baking...
Baking is a process of trial and error itself. It's only by this that the baking industry will prosper and come out with more innovative and creative creations.

Amigurumi

Amigurumi, a word from Japanese means crocheted stuffed toy. It has been a hot item for quite some time. Mind me, I don't even know about that before reading the newspaper last week. And since I know how to knit and crochet, I wanted to try my hands on this 'new' thing to me. 

The first day trying out the crochet was a disaster. My mom, like usual, asked me to give up. But the stubbornness in me told me to go ahead because I was just steps away from success. I went online and searched for a good tutorial to learn from. 

Ta-dah! This is the end result of my first amigurumi. I don't know about you but I'm going to try out with more patterns. 

Below are a few sites I find helpful - at least in teaching me from zero to making my first crocheted stuffed toy. 

Amirugumi tutorial

Free patterns

Cheers and do enjoy this new hobby!

I'm not a superwoman!

There is something wrong with my health again...the red light in me is blinking and I know there  must be something wrong but who can tell me what's wrong? 

I wake up every morning, almost with tears, to drag myself out of bed with a stiff back and with no one to understand. I envied those friends who can negotiate with their husbands and asked for hours of leave a week to enjoy what they like to do or just have a "private time" alone without the child tagging along. I envied those friends who can go for holidays without children. I envied those who can have their in-laws or moms to babysit their children when they are 'busy'. Unfortunately, my husband is one of those who live in the era of 60s' who feels that a housewife and full time mother needs no rest, just like his mom!

There were a few times when I was so exhausted and my eyes were so heavy, I cried out to Jesus, "Please..Please let  my son sleep so that I can sleep too." Right after I murmured that, I fell into a deep sleep, when my son was still wide awake and sitting or playing beside me on the bed. God answered my prayer. My son slept beside me when I woke up. I found that to be miracles. When no one pitied me, God did. 

I suppose women in the old days were very strong. They could take care of children, 8, 9 or 10, and still cooked and washed and did all the housechores by themselves. A friend said, "Those time children can run around the neighbourhood without being kidnapped. Can our children do that now? It's an educated era. Talk to your husband." 

How I wanted to have a 2-hour rest every week so that I can go to have a body massage and release all the stress and stiffness in me. But my request was denied. Wondered why...

I asked my mom how did she manage to take care of me and brother without asking for a rest. It was a 24/7 thing and I sincerely know how it feels now...She said women then knows nothing about rest. Women are expected to do everything related to the household, including  taking care of the children. REST was a taboo...women should be hardworking! 

Oh my...My only 'private time' is when my son is napping or sleeping. That's the only time when I can read, write my blog or check my emails...

Love is sacrificial...When one can't change the situation, all one can do is to enjoy every moment! 

When I'm mopping the floor, I'll think how safe it will be for my son to lie on it later on.

When I cook a good meal, I'll think how much of nutrients my son will get if he could finish his food!

When no one pitied me, God did...and I believe He still does...

Fish head soup

It took me quite some time before I actually dared to buy a fish head. ALL the recipes that I have on fish head soup looked delicious but seemed difficult to me. Yea, it's difficult because it needs you to FRY the fish head before boiling it as soup.

So, the last trip back to Johor to visit my  mom-in-law, a co-owner of a restaurant, I took the opportunity to ask on how to make a pot of good fish head soup.

I needed the confidence that fish head need not be fried to make a pot of good soup.

Ingredients:
3 cloves of garlic
1 onion (to add sweetness)
2 tomatoes (to add sweet with soury taste)
1 slice of ginger (to remove the fishy smell)

some cut spring onion
1 fish head

Taste enhancer:
pinch of salt
1 teaspoon of soy sauce or to taste

1) Stir-fry the garlic till fragrant.
2) Put the fried garlic and the rest of the ingredients into a pot to be boiled.
3) When the water is boiling, put in the fish and let it be boiled for 15 minutes before turning off the heat.
4) Garnish with spring onions.

NOTE: The soup is ok for me but not my husband. He is quite sensitive towards fishy smell. I guess I need to put in more ginger the next time if I'm having this soup again.

Standing at the crossroads...

I am a bad decision maker. To be frank, at times I also wondered whether I married the right man! Ha-ha! I must be kidding...

I started to take a Master program in 2007. When I first received the acceptance letter from UM, I was so elated that I praised God for giving me what I wanted. I completed all the courses within 2 semesters and I'm 0.03 to the first class grade. I was confident that I can finish the program before the 10th semester.

Then, I prayed for a child. I thought, "If I'm reading and learning so much, why waste it? I should have a baby and let the baby start learning when he is in my stomach." And I got a child!

So, came the morning sickness and early pregnancy bleeding and I had to be in crib condition for the first four months of my pregnancy, walking around the house only when it was necessary such as going to the toilet to pee, poo or vomit the food I just ate.

So, that made me lost my semesters. And that was not all. Even after I was fine, I got lazy and enjoyed the pregnancy - all I did was eat, sleep and watch TV. A-ha!

Came sixth semester, a sweet adorable child was born and all I could think of was him alone and nothing else. Another semester gone and when I came to my senses, I realised I have not many semesters left.

The 8th semester has just ended and not even a chapter is approved!

At times, I wanted to give up so much, I cry, calling out to God to lead me. God sent His angels through church members and strangers to encourage me to go on though I was having a bad time with my supervisor. After picking up on the momentum for some time, I was on the bad mood again and again, thought of giving up.

Now, I am standing at the crossroads, not knowing whether I should continue with my thesis or leave everything behind.

To be frank, the reason for hanging on for so long was due to:

1) Money spent

2) Time spent

3) Effort spent

4) Good results

5) EVERYBODY knows I'm taking this program!

Yes, indeed it's reason no. 5 which made me hang on there and suffer so much!

Today, after reading Max Lucado's weekly devotional email, I found some peace...

Why am I worrying about HOW people might think and see me? I am as good as before. I'm blessed to have a son and yes, Jesus asks us not to worry about clothes or food. He blesses us accordingly and I believe whether I'm going to finish my Master program, God has His way...

I should learn to let go or let down my pride and walk away when I know that God loves me for being me, even when I don't have my Master degree.

Yes, Jesus loves me...

Carrot omelette

I like eggs and so do my husband and son.

I hope you like this variation of omelette.

Pictures showing process (Clockwise from top left)

Ingredients:
3 eggs
3 inches of carrot (cut into thin slices)
1/2 teaspoon of salt

1) Beat the eggs with the salt.

2) Stir-fry the cut carrot.

3) Add in the eggs and make sure the mixture cover up the whole pan.

4) When it is almost done, cut the omelette in the middle and turn it over to be cooked on the other side.

NOTE: The heat should not be too high - otherwise the eggs mixture will get burnt easily.

Minced meat and carrot porridge

Ingredients (for 1/2 bowl of porridge)

1 tablespoon of rice
1 tablespoon of minced meat
around 2 inches of carrot (diced into tiny pieces)

1) Put 1/2 bowl of water to the ingredients.

2) Double boil for 3 hours and it's done.


3) Add pinch of salt / 1 teaspoon of soy sauce to it.

Note: My son eats quite little. So, if your child eats more, do get the ratio right. I'm used to double boil because I can do other things as the slow cooker cook by itself and by letting the timer takes control, I feel much relaxed.

My birthday

My birthday has always been plain.

When I was in primary school, I always hoped that people would know what I wished for and get them for me. But those remained as wishes. Dad never had any birthday parties for me. And so, I didn't get any presents for  my birthday.

When I was in secondary school, I shared with other friends to buy presents for birthday girls (yes, GIRLS only because I was in all girls school). In return, I hoped that when my birthday comes, they would get me something I wanted too. I got mugs, glasses and cups. I wondered why my friends thought I liked drinking so much. Probably because I always brought a 1.5litre bottle of water to school.

When I was in varsity, I did the same as  in secondary school. Yes, occasionally my friends did gave me surprises. But still, I didn't get what I wanted...

Sometimes, I feel myself like a little girl, refusing to grow up without the presents I wanted. I'm yearning for people to understand me and give me something I wanted...

And now that I'm married with a child, my wishes of getting glamourous or beautiful presents have turned into wishes of HEALTH and REST.

Yea, I've prayed for Health for my son because he is weak all the time, having to take medication for his cough. And Rest...I'm so exhausted, I needed a good rest.

NOTE: I "applied" for my leave but was rejected. =( *sob*sob* But as long as my son is healthy, it's good enough...Can't be too greedy, right?

NOTE: I've to thank GCL and PL for the surprises and presents they have given me. I didn't forget about the cake, flower, necklace, perfume, etc. Thank you...appreciate that! 

Tong Sum with black and red dates to cure dry cough

I have been having dry cough for almost 2 weeks now. The "dry" I mean is those cough without phlegm and I can feel my lung is sort of breathing heavily at one time and breathless at the other.

This is what recommended by the Chinese medicine shop.

10 Tong Sum (Codnopsis Pilosulae Radix)
1 handful of black dates
1 handful of red dates

1) Cut the Tong Sum sticks into small pieces.
2) Remove the seeds from black and red dates.
3) Add in water to the brim of the pot.
4) Put to slow cooker for 4 hours or boil for at least 1 hour and 30 minutes.

NOTE: My cough has reduced. Another good thing is that, my son's diarrhoea has stopped after drinking this!

What to do when my baby is having diarrhoea?

I was really panic when my baby first have diarrhoea. We have given him Rotavirus vaccination and I thought it would have solved all the diarrhoea problem. But I was happy to early. When my son started to have more than 10 times of diarrhoea and with 'extreme' stomachache, we knew that he must see a doctor. (Extreme stomachache cos it woke him from him sleep and made me cried non-stop).

It was a Sunday's evening and all the clinics were closed. We went to a neighbourhood clinic (the only one which was still open). The doctor appeared to be confident and commented that we should have sent in the child earlier. He gave medication to stop the diarrhoea but the medication didn't work!

The next day, my son had diarrhoea, at least once in every 15 minutes! It really scared me and we sent him to the hospital to be checked.

OK. These are what you should do when your baby is having diarrhoea.

1) Calm down. Has the child been vomitting? If yes, then, it might be serious and need to be admitted. Blood need to be taken and tested to see whether it has been infected. If blood is OK, parents can monitor the child at home.

2) Let the child drink more water. Doctor said that there is NO medication to stop the diarrhoea for toddlers. It will stop when it is time to stop and the medication given by the clinic's doctor is in fact, bad for the toddler! Oh my! I can't believe it. A doctor giving out medication to harm my son? Believe it or not? So, be careful parents out there when you're giving your children medication. The only medication the doctor will give is ORS (Oral Rehydration Salt).

3) Let the child eat well - My son doesn't really want his porridge. So, I've to be more creative with my cooking. =(
But he takes Milo with biscuits, which is good. And he also takes black bean soup.
Doctor said as long as he is eating and drinking, it should be alright. Just let him snack more often to replenish his/her energy.

4) Let the child rest well - I on the classical music for my son while he is taking his nap. Research shown that babies listening to classical music tend to feel more secured and sleep better. And I believe after all the diarrhoea, he is extremely tired.

5) Use disposable diaper for the time being (if you're using cloth nappy so far) - I used cloth nappy with my son but because of his diarrhoea, I can't be bothered to use the cloth nappy now. Otherwise, I will have to wash the nappy and I believe before I finish cleaning one nappy, he would have soiled another! In fact, he almost finishes a pack of 54 diapers in 3 days because of his diarrhoea. Just make sure that you check your child diaper every 15 minutes. Otherwise, he/she will have serious rash.

6) Buy good nappy cream - the child will definitely have rashes after all the diarrhoea. So, get one tube of good cream. I'm using Aloe Vera gel because I find that it is soothing and helps reduce the soreness.

7) Mommy rests when the child rests - Take a break. Leave the house chores aside for the time being and take a good rest. It is stressful enough to have a child who needs to clean up constantly.

So, the main key to diarrhoea baby is - RED (Rest, Eat, Drink) and of course, with the accompaniment of a good nappy cream!

NOTE: Doctor said that as long as the child appears to be active and eating and drinking, just let him be. He will regain his immunity soon...it is a process that every toddler (0-3 years of age) have to go through. So, Mommy, don't worry.

(see pic: my son is still bouncy and active. nobody will believe he is having his diarrhoea with almost 20 times a day!)

Steamed tapioca

My friend told me that tapioca is a good food for detoxification. Whether it is true or not, it is a good snack to have.

1) Cut the tapioca into half. Then, into a quarter. You should be able to peel off the skin (shown in pic.).

2) After peeling off the skin, cut the tapioca into cubes.

3) Put to steam above boiling water for 20 to 30 minutes.

You can serve with sugar or eat it just like that.

NOTE: You may want to wear a thin glove while peeling off the tapioca skin. Or you can choose to shred off the skin with a knife rather than peeling them. My right thumb usually gets hurt due to the peeling because the tapioca skin is rather thick and rough. And my nails also got dirty which took quite some time to clean up. So, whatever choice you use to clear off the tapioca skin, be careful not to hurt yourself.

Why is my baby (toddler) not eating?

This is one of the questions I ask often when my son starts to take solid food. I believe no mothers can sit comfortably or even sleep when their children are not eating anything when they are supposed to eat, just like adults do.

Mothers, take heart, observe your child and you'll know why s/he is not eating. Below are some reasons I get through observing my son and through reading books.

1) The child is not feeling well
Just like us, when babies are not feeling well, they will not eat, especially when they have SORE THROAT. And we won't know whether our babies have sore throat till they started to have cough or fever.

Suggestion: I usually give my baby honey when he is having sore throat. But be very careful with honey. Some honey might not be suitable for little ones. So, it is best to get a doctor's advise to treat the toddler's sore throat. Otherwise, you can try boiling Lo Hon Ko drinks to soothe his throat and lung.

2) Toddler is not hungry
If he is not hungry, it is obvious that he will not eat.
Suggestion: Do not give snack when the meal time is near. Have a clear timetable for the child. eg. 9am -breakfast, 12pm - lunch, 3pm - snack, 6pm - dinner, 9pm - light snack.

3) The food is not delicious
Trust me, babies know what is delicious and what is not. It's obvious that they won't eat something which taste weird. My son will usually take the first mouth and if he thinks it is not delicious, he will spit out the food and refuse to eat further.

Suggestion: What you think is delicious, the baby will think the same way. So, as parents, we have to start taking some healthy yet delicious food. Set a good example and the child will do the same. My mom takes raw vege - cucumber and tomatoes and so, my son follows suit.

4) The food's colour is not attractive
Children like colours!
Suggestion: Add some colours in the food - tomato (red), carrot (orange), cucumber (green), etc.

5) The child wants to play
When they are at the midst of playing, the child will refuse to eat because they don't want to be distracted.

6) Parents' eating habit
If parents are not eating the same food, baby will refuse to eat that too. My son prefers to eat the SAME FOOD at the SAME TABLE and SAME TIME WITH US. Some food like pork ribs, which I think is not suitable for him, he wanted to try! After he tried it, either he likes it or he spits it out. Whatever it is, he is satisfied that he tried and will continue to eat his meal.

Suggestion: Cook healthy food - steamed fish, boiled broccoli, carrot, steamed potato

Finally, listen to the child. If the child is hungry and well, s/he will definitely eat. Don't force her/him to eat lest the child has a bad eating experience. You can always make up the missed meal with some light snack later on - an egg, an apple, a cracker or two, etc.

Pray well and leave the rest to God...

NOTE: You may follow the links below to some healthy drinks:

Phlegm dissolver

Lo hon ko

Mashed potato and carrot balls

Tau cheong steamed fish

My son is sick again - and so, I've not much time to cook. I will have this dish when I'm busy.

1) Clean up the fish - make sure there is no more scales on it and then scar it on both sides.

2) Put 2 teaspoon of tao cheong sauce (beanpaste) and sprinkle 1/2 teaspoon of sugar on the fish.

3) Put the fish to steam with the rice.

You'll have the fish and rice cooked at the same time. I know some people might not like this cos steaming a fish for too long will cause the texture of the fish to be hard. But when you have no time, this will be a good choice!

Mashed potato and carrot balls (for toddlers)

My son has been picky on his food lately. I am so busy looking around for recipe and asking my friends on what they cooked for their toddlers. Because my son is a fan of BALL, I thought this recipe might work. And it did, indeed! You might want to try it out for your toddler.

Ingredient:
1/2 potato (removed skin)
1/4 carrot or 2 tablespoon of shredded carrot

Taste enhancer:
Few drops of soy sauce OR
Pinch of salt OR
1 tablespoon of milk

1) Put the potato and carrot to double boil (for 2 hours) or stim for at least 30 minutes.

2) Mash the potato (like shown in pic.2) and add in taste enhancer.

3) Roll the mixture into small balls (baby's bite size).

NOTE: You might try to pan-fry the mixture. Roll out the balls on some corn flour + plain flour and pan-fry them. 

Stir-fry snow pea sprout

Pictures showing process (clockwise from top left)

Ingredient
1 pack of beansprout
1 small piece of ginger

1) Scrap off the ginger skin with a knife.

2) Flatten the ginger.

3) With 3 tablespoon of oil, stir-fry the ginger till fragrant.

4) Add in the beansprout. Turn it over and cook till done.

5) Dish up and add in soy sauce to taste.

NOTE: Chinese believe that some vege are considered "cooling" and are not good for those who are weak in health. So, ginger is a must in cooking those vege. Other vege which need ginger are Siu Pak Choy (Xiao Bai Chai in Mandarin).

Spicy chicken with mushroom

Pictures showing process (clockwise from top left)

Ingredients
2 chicken drumsticks (skin and bones removed and cut into cubes)
4 to 5 dried chillies (removed head and seeds)
3 mushrooms (soaked and cut into cubes)

For sauce:
1 tablespoon of dark soy sauce
1/2 teaspoon of sugar
1/4 teaspoon of salt
1/4 bowl of water
1/4 corn starch (for thickening)


1) With 3 tablespoon of oil, stir-fry dried chillies with mushroom till fragrant.

2) Add in chicken and stir-fry till almost done.

3) Add in sauce (dark soy sauce + water + salt + corn starch)

4) Dish up when sauce has thickened.

NOTE: If you like it to be spicier, use more dried chillies. 4 to 5 dried chillies can only provide very slight spice. Be very CAUTIOUS when handling with dried chillies. Make sure you have no wound on your hands or it will sting you throughout the day! Also do not touch your eyes when you're handling dried chillies. Always wash your hands properly after handling dried chillies.

Stir-fry prawns with three colours of capsicum

Pictures showing process (clockwise from top left)

Ingredients:
600gram prawns (remove shells and veins)
1 red capsicum
1 green capsicum
1 yellow capsicum
6 cloves of garlic (chopped)
2 tablespoon of tau cheong (tauchu) - beanpaste

Marinate:
1 tablespoon of sugar



1) Marinate the prawns with 1 tablespoon of sugar. (this will make the prawns to be springy after cooking)

2) Cut capsicums into cubes.

3) With 3 tablespoon of oil, stir-fry capsicums for around 1 minute.

4) Add in prawns. Stir-fry till almost done.

5) Add tau cheong and mix well with the rest. (water is not necessary as the capsicums and prawns will produce a little of water. but if you prefer the dish to have more sauce, add 1 to 2 tablespoon of water)

Note: I'm not sure whether you'll like this dish. Some people might find the taste of capsicums weird just like my husband! and I've to finished off the capsicums all by myself!

Omelette (with onion filling)

This is a dish most Chinese have taken and remained as a favourite dish. Can't remember when was the first time that I took it but I had this quite often during my teenage years. Mom always cooked this when she couldn't think of any dishes to cook in the afternoon. And because this dish is easy to cook, it is suitable for busy adults.

Ingredient:
3 eggs
1 large onion
1 teaspoon of soy sauce

1) Beat the eggs and soy sauce till they blended well.

2) Cut the onions into small pieces.

3) Sweat the onion till it becomes translucent.

4) Add in the eggs. Let the mixture swirl and cover the whole pan (as shown in pic. left; bottom).

5) Turn to LOW heat and let the egg to be cooked slowly. Then, cut the omelette into half and turn it over to be cooked.

6) Dish up when egg has turned golden brown.

Baking for mother's day

I gave my students a baking lesson. Well, nowadays, you just won't know how much the children know. They might have seen a lot through television but they actually have no hands-on experience in cooking and baking. 

When I gave an egg to my older student, Joe, he smiled at me. His brother, Benjamin, was quick to say, "Hit the egg at the table's edge." 

Sometimes, we want the children to be "clever" and we thought that as long as they score in their exams, they are considered clever and we are relieved. But how about living skills? Are they able to be independent? Are they able to mix around well with others without getting into a fight? Do they understand that besides reading for tests, there are so many other things to read about to increase their knowledge in?

Joe definitely was not good at breaking an egg but I let him try. I can see the sense of contentment in the children as they see their own products coming out of the oven! And how proud they were when they presented the tarts to their mother! Benjamin said, "WE baked them."

Let your child try on little chores and you can see excitement in those little twinkling eyes and how proud they are to be able to help you without a 'kakak'.

Happy Mother's Day!

Stir-fry chicken with capsicum

Pictures showing process (clockwise from top left)

Ingredient:
2 chicken drumsticks (skin and bones removed)
1 green capsicum
1 red capsicum
1 yellow capsicum

Sauce:
2 tablespoon tau cheong (taucu) or bean paste
1/2 teaspoon corn starch (for thickening)
1 teaspoon sugar
1/2 bowl of water

1) Cut the chicken into cubes.

2) Stir-fry the chicken until it is almost done.

3) Stir-fry capsicums for a while (around 30 seconds) before adding the sauce.

4) Let the sauce simmer for while. Dish up when the sauce has thicken and almost dry up.

NOTE: I didn't buy the yellow capsicum because it is not fresh. When you're choosing capsicum, press slightly on the flesh. If it is hard, then it is fresh.

Banana sponge cake (without baking soda)

Thanks to Hooi Thiam for this recipe. Now, I don't need to use any self-rising flour or baking soda in baking my cake. But it took me quite some time practising until I get my cake to rise.

Pictures show process (top left to right)




Ingredient A:
3 egg yolk
9 tablespoon of flour
1 and 1/2 tablespoon of sugar
3 small bananas
55ml water
35ml vegetable oil

Ingredient B:
3 egg white
3 tablespoon sugar

1) Put bananas to blend with the water.

2) Beat the egg yolk with the sugar till they blended well.

3) Add in the rest of the ingredients in A and mix well.

4) Pic. 3 shows egg white with sugar.

5) Beat the egg white with sugar till it turns fluffy and foamy as shown in pic. 4. When you lift up the whisk, the mixture will drool down slowly and form a circle.

6) Pour mixture B into mixture A. Blend well.

7) Pour into the sponge cake baking pan.

8) Put to bake in preheated oven at 150 Celsius for 35 minutes.

9) When cake is done, turn it up side down as shown in pic. 8.

Note: A successful sponge cake is, of course, SPONGY! Wow! I'm so proud of myself. =)
To be frank, even breaking the eggs are tough for me because I just can't get it right separating the whites from the yolks!

Tung Kwa (Winter melon)

My mom heard that this drink can help reduce bodily heat caused by sleeping late at nights.

Pictures show ingredients (clockwise)
1 pack of Pao Sam Sou
1/4 Tung Kwa (winter melon)
1 Matt Chou (honey date)
1 Lo Hon Ko (Luo Han Guo in Mandarin)


1) Cut Tung Kwa (winter melon) into cubes.

2) Crack open Lo Hon Ko.

3) Put all the ingredients to boil for 2 hours.

If you want it to be sweeter, you can add more Matt Chou (honey date).

Steamed egg cake

This is another recipe from my sis-in-Christ, Hooi Thiam.

Pictures show process (clockwise).

Ingredients:
2 eggs
4 tablespoon of sugar
9 tablespoon of plain flour
1/2 tablespoon of vegetable oil

1) Beat the eggs with the sugar until fluffy. It's gonna take some time and it really ache the arms (for me).

2) See pic. 2. When you bring up the whisk, the mixture is slightly 'foamy' and not watery. Then, it's considered done.

3) Add in flour and oil and mix well.

4) Pour mixture into a pan and steam over boiling water for 20 minutes.

The outcome should be a spongy egg cake. The texture of the cake is not too hard or dry. My mom said that using machine to beat the eggs will cause the cake to be hard and dry. =(
So, have to do it by hands and don't rely on the machine. (Psst! That's the secret to strong arms - lots of practice on beating the eggs, carrying the baby and heavy groceries).

NOTE: I used organic unbleached bread flour to make mine cos I'm giving it to my son as finger food.

Detoxification

Will you drink something like this?

When all else fail, you might want to try this...

Yes, I'm taking this every morning for about a week already. I've seen 5 Chinese doctors, went for blood test, seen chiropractor, did acupuncture, fasting, etc....I believe I've spent a few thousands just to make myself better.

The problem with me is first, my back. I'm having those excruciating pain that I need to use my hands to push  myself up from the bed every morning. So, waking up in the morning is one tough task.

My second problem is exhaustion and lack of breath. Now, I can't even sing one whole song (Twinkle Twinkle Little Star) to my son without gasping for air.

Third, I've cracked lips which has a cycle. My lips become very hard, swollen and cracked. Then, the upper layer will peel off and the lips become smooth again. Then, all of a sudden, they started to crack again.

When no doctors can  help, I just gotta take whatever the market offers. I'm not sure about you but detoxing is one of the ways I'm trying. OK. The drink is not as bad as it looks. I can 'feel' some differences in me eg. my lips do not hurt that much and I poo a little more than usual.

How to make a multi-compartment stationery box

What do you do with chicken essence boxes? Throw them into the rubbish bins? Now, you can turn them into something useful.

Material:
1 BIG chicken essence box
6 SMALL chicken essence box

Pictures show process (from top left to right; top to bottom)

1) Pic. 1 shows the material that you need.

2) Fold the sides of the SMALL boxes. You can use stapler or glue. The boxes will become more sturdy with the sides intact. Join three boxes together with stapler or glue as shown in Pic. 2.

3) Fit the boxes into the BIG box.

4) Now, you have two rows of SMALL boxes in a BIG box.

5) Cut a small piece of hard cardboard and stick to the back of the BIG box.

6) You can wrap up the BIG box with glossy magazine paper or present paper.

7) Now, the box is ready! You can stick messages at the top part.

8) You can chuck in all the small items eg. clips, pens, glue, staplers, etc. into the small compartments.

Note: If you like bigger compartments, then you can use reduce the amount of SMALL boxes.

Cordyceps to heal cough

My son is having his once-a-month cough and it always worries me. He has to be on nebuliser for once a month since last November. And it has gotten serious in March and he was on nebuliser twice. Doctor said he might be asthmatic. 

This month, when he started to cough, I wasted no time. I quickly gave him Chinese medicine (Hou Chou San). Thank God, it helps to dissolve his phlegm. Although he has not been cured totally, he could avoid the nebuliser. And to make him better, I bought the so-so-so expensive cordyceps.

To be frank, RM300 just for 14 small bundles of it is extremely expensive to me. Nevertheless, for the sake of my son, I trust the money is well spent.

As advised by the Chinese doctor:
1 to 2 small bundles of Cordyceps
1/2 bowl of water

Put to slow cooker to double boil for 4 hours.

NOTE: Cordyceps improve breathing functions and strengthen immune system. It also helps to cure chronic cough. Ask any Chinese doctor and I believe they will tell you the same. And actually, RM300 is the cheapest Cordyceps I could get. The doc even asked whether I want the RM600 one. HUH? What do you think?

Herbal chicken soup

You can easily get a pre-packed herbs for chicken soup. But I prefer to go to the store I know to get the things.

Herbs (from top left; then clockwise)
1) Pak Kei (Bei Qi in Mandarin)
2) Yuk Chuk (Solomonseal Rhizome) 
3) Tong Sum (Codnopsis Pilosulae Radix)
4) Wyai San (Chinese yam)
5) Hong Chou (Red dates)
6) Kei Chee (Wolfberry)
7) Longan (dried Longan)

2 chicken drumsticks (skin removed)

1) Put all the herbs to boil under HIGH heat for at least 15 minutes.
2) Turn to LOW heat and simmer for at least 1 and a 1/2 hour
3) Add in the chicken to boil for 30 minutes under HIGH heat before turning off the heat.

This soup has natural sweetness. There is no need for sugar or salt. It is good for pregnant ladies as well as exhausted working adults.

Pak Kei (Bei Qi in Mandarin) helps delay aging and enhance immune system while Tong Sum is good for treating fatigue and pale complexion.

When explanation won't work...

I was like a little girl, twisting my fingers under the table and swallowing hard at each words...

I went to see my supervisor this Tuesday. Before I go, I was determined to change my field of analysis. But I was wrong. I was so wrong...

My supervisor was angered by something my coursemates told her. I did not know what. The only thing I told my coursemate was, "Please do inform Dr. X that I really need to see her. I want to finish my research as soon as possible. I don't want to wait till something happen. You know what I mean." I was referring to my son's case as I did not know whether he needs surgery or not and if he does, I would have to put everything aside to take care of him. 

So, Dr. X was very angry and blasted at me. "You are a housewife, you know? You have so much of time. You are only taking care of one baby. I've four children..." That went on and on and I turned to put my notebook into the bag. Tears started to roll down my cheeks. I did not know why, for once, I could not hold on my tears when she was scolding me. 

The last time that she scolded me in front of my other coursemates, I pursed my lips and swallowed my tears. But this time, my tears flowed freely and they were out of control! When she said, "You are ungrateful.You're wasting my time here and you've never given me any chapters...", I wanted so much to object to that. I wanted to say, "Hey, I sent my chapters to you months ago through email and you replied that you'll check.  And you're never free to meet me. But now you've totally forgotten about it." But I kept my mouth shut. I knew it too well that there was no need to explain. 

Dr.X reminded me of my Dad, a dictator. When he said something, he wanted you to listen and ACCEPT it and keep your mouth shut. There could not be objection or argument. Case was settled. If you object, you're going to make things worse. So, I was a good and obedient girl, who always keep the mouth shut and never answer back. 

Last time, I thought answering back was a taboo because I would get beating from Dad. Now, I think answering back is a waste of time...Dr. X required people to acknowledge her. She wants people to admit she is right and so, explanation is not required. All I have to do is to keep my mouth shut. 

And I think the tears worked very well. She mellowed down after seeing me sobbing and later handed me a tissue paper. Frankly, I did not cry to get her pity. I cried because I had to "sek sei mao" (in Cantonese = admitting to something I've not done). No doubt she was wrong and she did not understand me a bit but one thing she reminded me was: NEVER INDULGE IN SELF-PITY. We are our own stumbling blocks.

And about explanation...When explanation won't work, do leave everything to God. He will be our judge...

Pandan cheese balls

You are going to like the food and the process of baking itself. It is so easy, you wanna try it NOW! Pictures showing process (clockwise from top left).













Ingredients:
1 egg
1 tablespoon of corn oil
4 tablespoon of thick pandan juice
4 tablespoon of mozzarella cheese
1/2 teaspoon sugar
1/3 teaspoon salt
10 tablespoon of tapioca flour (150g)


1) Put everything into the blender and blend till smooth.
2) Grease the muffin tins.
3) Fill up the muffin tins with the mixture.
4) Bake at 200 degree Celcius for 15 minutes or when bread turn slightly brown.

Onde-onde kuih

This is going to be exhausting but trust me, you're going to enjoy the process. It's best if you have a partner to do it together. Otherwise, get a chair and start rolling the balls!

Pictures show process (clockwise from top left)

Ingredients (makes 30):



For Onde-onde skin:
240g glutinous rice flour
8 tablespoon of thick pandan juice
120ml hot water
1 tablespoon of oil
2 tablespoon brown sugar

Filling:
1/2 piece of gula melaka (grated)

Coating:
1 grated coconut
1/2 teaspoon of salt

1) Put all the ingredients together and mix well. It will form a soft dough. If it is too dry, add drops of pandan juice and knead again until you get a soft dough without any cracks.
2) Cut the gula melaka into small pieces. (I tried cutting it but it is too hard for me. So, I chose to grate it).
3) Pinch a small dough and flatten it (around 2 x 2 inches). Put a little of gula melaka and seal up. Roll up as a small ball.
4) Put all the balls into a pot of boiling water. Wait till the balls float up. Drain the balls and roll them over with the grated coconut.

Enjoy!

Note: To know how to get pandan juice, read the post dated 18 April 2011.

How to get pandan juice

Buy at least 10 pandan leaves.

1) Wash and cut the leaves into 2 inches in length.
2) Put everything to the blender. Add in 1/2 glass of water and blend well.
3) Strain the juices after blending.
4) Get a clean cloth and put the remaining pandan pulp into it and squeeze till it dries up.

NOTE: You will have roughly around 3 to 4 tablespoon of thick pandan juice.

You should not quit!

I've been quite rebellious of late. I've been doing what my mom forbade - baking those EXTREMELY difficult stuffs. 

I wondered why my mom is like this - she will go all out to stop me from doing this and that. Probably she knows it is too difficult for me. But she does not know that her daughter needs to try before giving up. Anyway, don't get me wrong. I love my mom very much. I believe she is uniquely created, just like you and I.

I was brought up in the way of giving up easily. There were too many, "You can't make it." Deep inside, I feel bad...So sad that I've not been trying the things I wanted to. 

So, now whenever I get a chance, I'll try my BEST to do what I want. I want to set a good example for my son. I want my son to have something to look up to - a super duper Mommy who knows how to cook, bake, teach, write, talk, blah, blah, blah...I know I can't be perfect, but at least I'm trying hard to succeed  in doing what I LIKE.

Now, interest is very important. If there is no interest in something, one can't succeed in doing it. 

Last time, I wanted to try baking my own Ang Ku kuih. I found a good recipe and I asked around. First, my mom said it is extremely difficult (like usual). Then, my friend who is good at baking told me straightforwardly that the mixture is going to be extremely sticky and asked me don't bother to do it. So, I gave up. Yes,  giving up just like that. I hated myself for being so naive.

Lately, my mom and I went to a shopping mall and bought a pack of Onde-onde. Wow! It's superb! And I quickly searched for an Onde-onde recipe. But my mom came to stop me. No. I did not quit. I get all the ingredients readied. 

My mom came to the kitchen on and off to look at how thing was going on...and she would say, "See, took so long to do...Told you! Better buy." 

I look at her and said, "Mom, can't you be more supportive?" 

At the third hour, when I was extremely exhausted and when things are almost done, mom came in again saying, "See? The skin is too thin. The gula melaka will leak out when you start cooking them!" 

I sighed and put in more flour to cover the leak. 

When I'm almost done, mom came in. This time she helped me by rolling the Onde-onde on the grated coconut. 

And so, we have a plateful of Onde-onde. I'm happy that I've finally tried out something I wanted to...

To others, do not quit! When you're at the brink of failure, do not give up. You might not know that the next step will lead you to success. And do not be afraid to fail cos you have a friend here, Alice, who've failed too! 

Do not quit even when your mom said you can't make it (just like mine).
Do not quit even when your friend said it's not possible.

I'm able to strive even when family and friends did not support me because I know someone is with me - Jesus Christ. He made me believe in myself. He made believe that I can do it even though the people around me think I'm a loser.

Nobody is born a loser. It's the matter on whether you're willing to strive through difficulties.

NOTE: Look out for my next post on my endeavour in baking my very first Onde-onde. Till then, good day!

ABC soup

I forget when was the first time that I drank this soup but it must be when I was extremely young. And I've been wondering why people call this soup as "ABC".

Probably it's because it contains vitamins A, B and C? Or because it's like a rojak, having a little of everything in a pot?
Anyway, hope you'll enjoy it!

Ingredients:
2 large carrots
4 potatoes
4 medium size tomatoes
2 large onions
1 corn (optional)
5 Hong Chou (Red dates) - optional

1) Cut everything into cubes.
2) Put to boil for 2 hours and serve.

Note: Do you know anything about water soluble? My friend told me that carrot needs oil to release its Vitamin A. So, unless you include bones or meat into the soup, it's unlikely that you're going to get Vit.A from the carrots. I do put a few drops of oil into the soup. Don't worry, it tastes good!