There is something wrong with my health again...the red light in me is blinking and I know there must be something wrong but who can tell me what's wrong?
I wake up every morning, almost with tears, to drag myself out of bed with a stiff back and with no one to understand. I envied those friends who can negotiate with their husbands and asked for hours of leave a week to enjoy what they like to do or just have a "private time" alone without the child tagging along. I envied those friends who can go for holidays without children. I envied those who can have their in-laws or moms to babysit their children when they are 'busy'. Unfortunately, my husband is one of those who live in the era of 60s' who feels that a housewife and full time mother needs no rest, just like his mom!
There were a few times when I was so exhausted and my eyes were so heavy, I cried out to Jesus, "Please..Please let my son sleep so that I can sleep too." Right after I murmured that, I fell into a deep sleep, when my son was still wide awake and sitting or playing beside me on the bed. God answered my prayer. My son slept beside me when I woke up. I found that to be miracles. When no one pitied me, God did.
I suppose women in the old days were very strong. They could take care of children, 8, 9 or 10, and still cooked and washed and did all the housechores by themselves. A friend said, "Those time children can run around the neighbourhood without being kidnapped. Can our children do that now? It's an educated era. Talk to your husband."
How I wanted to have a 2-hour rest every week so that I can go to have a body massage and release all the stress and stiffness in me. But my request was denied. Wondered why...
I asked my mom how did she manage to take care of me and brother without asking for a rest. It was a 24/7 thing and I sincerely know how it feels now...She said women then knows nothing about rest. Women are expected to do everything related to the household, including taking care of the children. REST was a taboo...women should be hardworking!
Oh my...My only 'private time' is when my son is napping or sleeping. That's the only time when I can read, write my blog or check my emails...
Love is sacrificial...When one can't change the situation, all one can do is to enjoy every moment!
When I'm mopping the floor, I'll think how safe it will be for my son to lie on it later on.
When I cook a good meal, I'll think how much of nutrients my son will get if he could finish his food!
When no one pitied me, God did...and I believe He still does...
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