How to learn while having fun?

What makes you laugh? What makes you wanted to jump from the chair and rush to it? Those are the things that interest you and will motivate you to learn more about it. One of my friends is a great hobbyist. Once he falls in love with a hobby, he'll go an extra mile to learn about his hobby. For example, when he likes watches. He will learn about how to dismantle a watch and put all the parts together again. He will get contacts of professional watch repairers and get classes or advices from them. He will search through the internet and read all about watches. He will strive till there is nothing new for him to learn and yes, he is so good in watches that he knows whether one is genuine or a fake one by just one look. That is how one learns while having fun. 

What about children? Children like to imitate adults. They want to be adults. They want to do what adults are doing and get the feel of being adults. Therefore, "fun" for them is doing what adults are doing. If a constant "no" is being said to them, they will have low self-esteem and eventually lost interest in learning altogether. 

When I am cutting lady's fingers, my son came to the kitchen. He stood beside me and watched me carefully. I turned to ask, "Do you want to try?" He was elated. He must be thinking, "Can I?" I smiled at him and said, "Come on. Mama will teach you how to cut off the ends of lady's fingers." I taught him how to hold a knife and cut off the ends of lady's fingers and he did it. No accidents. I think my son enjoyed cutting the lady's fingers and he had fun cutting them. Through this activity, he not only learns how to cut a lady's finger but also enhances his hand-eye coordination, self-confidence and concentration. Isn't it great to have learnt so many things at one time?

Children learn throughout the day. They are like dry sponges ready to absorb whatever "water" we are giving them. So, it all depends on us as parents whether to give them a positive input or a negative one. We need to give confidence to the children on what they can do according to their ages. For example, children age two can be allowed to cut scrap papers using plastic scissors. 

My son likes to pay money at the counter. He feels like an adult. We are still in the midst of teaching him  how to recognise the different notes and coins. By being able to pay at the counter trigger him to learn what those notes and coins mean and as he learn, he has fun. 

How to teach students compositions?

I was so disappointed when my student's mom called the principal and told her that my student did not understand what I have taught her. I felt like my world was crumbling down and I lost all hope in teaching. 

It was merely three weeks that I saw my student's results and she had flashed a wide grin, saying that it was her first time getting a pass in her Bahasa Malaysia after all these years. Yes, it was her first time passing the subject after studying the language for four years. It did give me a lot of confidence and self-esteem because I have just taught her for three months and she passed. She even asked for a present which I did not promise. But I relented because if the result made her happy, it made me too. After my Thailand trip, I presented a dress to her and she was elated. 

Well, everything was fine till today! I felt the skies ahead turned gloomy and there was thunderstorm and lightning and heavy rain. My heart was raining. I did not cry till I got into my car. Thank God, Isaac was there consoling me and telling me, "Don't be sad. I am here." 

I called my friend and she told me that what I can do is to ask my student to memorise compositions. There is nothing much I can do when her level of understanding is so low and there is not much she can understand no matter how long I spend with her. 

I have always doubted memorising compositions a good way to good marks. To me, memorising a composition and later on spitting it all out in an examination is merely a test on how much the brain can remember. It kills creativity and also, the student's ability to think. Nevertheless, what my friend said was right, "They have too little vocabulary to start a composition with. They need to memorise in order to ''save'' the vocabulary into their brain. Later on, they'll be able to use the saved vocabulary in other compositions." 

I'll give it a try from next week onwards. Please do anticipate for the results of it...

How to earn you a close friend?

"It looks beautiful. You should keep it for yourself. Give your friend something else," said my Mom. 

"But what should I give to my friend?" I asked naively.

"Go to the shop behind the house and buy something else," advised Mom. 

I trotted as fast as my feet could take me. When I reached the shop, there was little time to choose something beautiful and I ended up buying a coin box. Next, I went home to have it wrapped up and asked Dad to take me to my friend's house. 

It was my friend's birthday and she was having a birthday party. I had always liked attending birthday parties because it meant food and games. Nevertheless, it also meant having to spend on a present for the friend. However, each time after purchasing something which I thought it suited my friend, my Mom would interfere and said that the present looked nice and I should keep it and advised me to buy another one for my friend. It happened many times until I lost my friends that I realised how selfish was that attitude of keeping the best to self and giving something poorly chosen for someone I called a "friend". 

I don't understand why my Mom has this flaw. The only reason I could think of was that she was from a very poor family and that whatever beautiful and nice and good were not available to her in her childhood. Frankly, I didn't know why I wanted the presents which I was suppose to give to my friends but since Mom said they were good, I kept them. It always made me feel embarrassed and shameful of my act. I felt like I've done something very wrong (keeping a secret from my friends) but I wasn't! How much of pressure have I gone through!

Thank God, I am able to give now. God is love and it is only with love that we are able to give sincerely and freely. When I give, I don't expect to get anything in return for I give because I am thankful I am able to give and to share and show my appreciation for the friendship. 

Come friends' birthday, I told  myself that I am not going to give cheapskate things for them. I wanted them to remember me, yes, me, ALICE TONG, as someone who is willing to give to good friends and not someone who would just want something good from others. I told my husband that my Mom's attitude of keeping the best to self is irritating, selfish and mean and she's bothering me when she keeps repeating to me to keep something "best" to myself. 

I hope Mom learn that keeping the best to herself won't win her any close friends...

(pic: a bangle-like bracelet that I bought for a friend I call a sister)

What is hand-eye coordination?

The term ‘hand-eye coordination’ to me was like an alien until my son was two years old. It was then that I put him in a Montessori and the principal explained to me the importance of hand-eye coordination. It saddened me how much I have missed before this. If I were to know it earlier, probably my son would have been better developed. From then on, I try to read more on childhood development and how different motor skills and coordination help in the children’s future learning ability.

Hand-eye coordination is the ability to guide the movement of the hands with the eyes. It is vital for the children to have hand-eye coordination because by the time children start to learn to write, their writing will stay within the lines. I have seen children who struggle writing within the lines although they have tried their best. To avoid such frustration, parents can try to stimulate their children’s hand-eye coordination right after they are born.

Although it is popular among parents, many people do not realise that cloth mat with objects hanging on it is a useful tool for training children’s hand-eye coordination. Infants who are allowed to lie down on the cloth mat will be attracted to the objects hanging above them. Being attracted by the colourful objects, they will stretch up their hands to grab them. Many times the babies will not be able to grab the objects but just manage to touch or push them. That is the start of how they train their hands to go to where their eyes are looking at.

For toddlers who already know how to sit up, they should be allowed to play lacing cards, stringing beads, nesting boxes, stacking cones, completing puzzles, kneading playdough or even cutting some recycled papers with the assistance of adults. One of my friends likes to let her daughters play pouring water or dry sand from one container to the other. The activities above not only stimulate the children’s hand-eye coordination but training the children to have patience and staying focused.

Older children are encouraged to be involved in outdoor playground activities such as climbing steel bars, monkey bars, slide, mock rock-climbing wall or balancing on a plank of wood. Besides the abovementioned activities, parents also can let children handle house chores such as washing the dishes (make sure the dishes are unbreakable), sweeping the floor or picking up toys.

It is vital for parents to understand the importance of hand-eye coordination and using the appropriate materials to develop their children’s coordination. Parents have to understand that well-developed hand-eye coordination and motor skills will provide a speedy learning ability when the children enter primary school. If the foundation is not strong, children will face difficulties in the future learning process, thus, pressure and frustrations will arise. 

The above article is published in The Star online newspaper:

http://parenthots.com/parents_corner/soapbox/Realising-the-importance-of-hand-eye-coordination.aspx

Huggies Dry Pants

Frankly, I am not a fan of diapers because they are expensive. I used to use cloth nappies for my baby's comfort and to save cost. However, changing cloth nappies after each urination and cleaning the soiled nappies exhausted  me and it has taken a toil on my health. Therefore, I have chosen Huggies Dry Pants and they are worth the money spent! In just three steps: tear, change and throw, Huggies Dry Pants save time and I can have my evening naps with ease. 

For mothers like me who want to have headache-free experience from soiled nappies and frustration from changing taped diapers, why not try Huggies Dry Pants. There is a road show going on from 25 February to 3 March in Mydin USJ titled Huggies Dry Pants Change for Better Convenience.

There are live performances, special promotions, giveaways, games, magic tricks and other activities to keep the babies and yourselves occupied and amazed. There is also a competition for those who wanted to try their hands on Huggies Dry Pants. They can join the Huggies 30 seconds Diaper Change Challenge at the road show.

Kids who are comfortable will be confident!

Latihan susun perkataan

Sebagai seorang tutor, saya amat mengambil berat tentang pemahaman pelajar-pelajar saya dalam struktur ayat. Pelajar perlu memahami struktur ayat untuk membolehkan mereka membina ayat yang gramatis. Oleh itu, saya selalu menyediakan latihan susun perkataan untuk mereka. Latihan susun perkataan boleh mengukuhkan pemahaman mereka dalam struktur ayat and memberi idea kepada mereka bagaimana ayat dibina. 

Berikut ialah contoh latihan susun perkataan yang saya sediakan. 

Latihan Bina Ayat

As a tutor myself, I find it difficult to find appropriate materials for my students to incorporate what I have taught them. Therefore, I prefer to prepare  my own exercises to enhance their understanding on the topic we have went through.

From my experience, my students are lack of vocabulary because English and Bahasa Malaysia are not their mother tongue as they are Chinese. They used to speak Chinese at home and in the school. Lacking vocabulary crippled their ability in making good sentences. Therefore, in my class, making sentences or bina ayat is not something new. I make sure my students learn new verbs or kata kerja and use them in the sentences making process.

Below is an example of exercises I've prepared for my students. I hope this will help you too.

God's Smuggler

It's simply amazing! Never had I read any non-fiction book with such thrill. Once it landed in my hands, I buried my face in it at every opportunity. Frankly, I don't get much time to read a day except when my son is taking his nap. 

Although excited, reading this book was slower than I had thought. This is due to the fact I had a pen and a ruler with me all the time underlining every miracle mentioned in the book. It was difficult to resist the urge to underline each miracle that I came across as I felt they touched me deeply. Each time the narrative, Brother Andrew, faced with a great new challenge, my heart raced faster than ever. Each challenge ended graciously, showing the work of God and how faith saved Andrew. 

This book alone speaks volume of God's grace, merciful love and most of all, His power and protection against all odds. I've cried tears of joy and thankfulness for being granted this book. I guess it's a calling from God to renew my faith in Him. 

Since there are too many miracles to mention here, I'll give an instance which I like very much. It was about the Volkswagon that Andrew used for the purpose of transporting Bibles. While he was on his way from East Germany to Poland, his car breathed its last. With him in the car were two Dutch students. He needed five hundred Marks to have the engine changed and another thirty Marks to purchase gasoline on the way home. However, after changing every last guilder, it all came to 470 Marks only. He walked back to the garage and as he could no longer hold the truth from the mechanic, the two students raced through the door, "one of them waiving something in his hand. 'Andy!' he shouted. 'Craziest thing ever happened to me! We were just walking along the street when this lady came up to us and asked if we were Dutchmen. When I said yes, she gave me this bill. She said God wanted us to have it!'

The bill was for fifty Marks." 

Isn't that fantastic? If you have just gasped at the miracle above, you're recommended to read the book yourself to take your breath away with dozens of other miracles in the book. 

BOOK TITLE : GOD'S SMUGGLER

AUTHOR        : Brother Andrew with John and Elizabeth Sherrill

PUBLISHER   : Hodder & Stoughton 
LOCATION    : Great Britain

The Enemy Within

It was an ordinary Sunday's afternoon after church service and I had the 'push' to visit my church's library for some inspiring and spirit-uplifting books. Within 10 minutes, I found this book, The Enemy Within. Well, who is that 'enemy' that the book is talking about? I think for most Christians, we know that it's our flesh and the sins that our flesh indulges into. 

As I read the book, I could not stop nodding my head in agreement with Kris Lundgaard who talks about the power and defeat of sin. 

Lundgaard's book consist of four parts. Part One is about power of sin, Part Two; how sin works in us, Part Three; The Power of Sin in What It Does and Part Four; Nailing the Lid on Sin's Coffin. Lundgaard starts the book with a story of himself wanting to surprise his wife. After some struggling moment through the job, he realised he did not have the necessary tool to finish it off. And it was then that his boys started a rivalry which caused him to lose his temper all at once. After that incident, he felt like a whipped puppy. With that, he quoted Paul in Romans 7:21, "So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me." From there, Lundgaard proceeds to explain the truth in that verse and how true it is that in every heart, there is a law which draws us to sin. How often do you find yourself wanting to do good and the next minute, WHAM!, there goes our temper and conscience. 

I like how Lundgaard explains the soul which comprises the mind, the affections and the will. 

The mind is the sentinel, commanded to watch carefully over the soul by questioning, assessing, and making judgments: Will this please God? Is this according to God's Word? If the mind determines that an action is right, the affections should fall in line and desire, long for, and cling to that which the mind said was good. Last, the will puts the soul into action, carrying out what the mind said was good and the affections hungered for. If your mind is persuaded to believe a sin is good for your soul, and your affections work up an appetite for it, your will gives its consent - the dominoes fall and the flesh bears its putrid fruit in your life.   

(Lundgaard; 1998: 56)

The Enemy Within is easy to understand and Lundgaard's perfect use of metaphor and good writing encourage readers to put on their thinking cap. After each chapter, Lundgaard includes a section with questions for reflection and discussion. Therefore, it encourages one to search and read more of the Bible. 

Below is the information of the book: 

BOOK TITLE: The Enemy Within

AUTHOR       : Kris Lundgaard

PUBLISHER  : P&R Publishing

LOCATION   : United States of America 

Tears from the Iron Man

It is a custom for us to go to Johor every Chinese New Year (CNY) for a once-a-year reunion with my husband's family: parents, sisters and other relatives. Though we go back to Johor few times a year, the CNY reunion  brings a much different value to the family. As my husband's sisters are married to other states, we can only come together once a year to celebrate this festive and it had always brought pleasant memories. 

This year, however, I had some misunderstanding with my eldest sis-in-law. Deep inside me, I kept telling myself that, "it's OK. She was just nervous and anxious about the whole issue". On the other hand, I had asked my husband to get into the room and started a tantrum. Sometimes, it's weird that I knew something was wrong yet I continued to indulge in it. And the more I fed my indulgence, I wanted more and ended up calling one after another bus station to check on tickets back to KL. All I wanted was to show my self-existence, my power and authority as a human in that house. 

Heart was pumping fast, nerves were wrecking, and patience towards the situation was running low, I wanted immediate revenge. Within minutes I was already packing my clothings and going to the store room to get my wet clothes after my mother-in-law (Mama) morning wash. Mama was there and asked about what I was doing. I told her I was going to leave that place and she came after me and told my father-in-law  (Papa) who was at the second living hall taking a nap. 

Out of my expectation, both the parents came into our room, Papa crying and pleading us not to leave. "Please don't do like that. I am so old already. I don't know how many more reunions of this kind I would be able to see." Seeing tears flowing from this Iron Man that I knew, my heart twisted and wrenched in pain. Papa was an ex-navy and to what I knew, we had few words through the years and to me, he was one man with heart of steel. His tears proved  me wrong! He is made of flesh and blood just like any one of us though he speaks less with me. By then, Mama had already started crying and asking us to stay. The family will not be complete if one of them is missing. 

I felt sorry for both of them. I was wrong. I apologised to Papa and he told me, "Whatever it is, please overlook it. Don't keep it in the heart." I nodded.

Although Papa and Mama have few words with me, I feel I am actually part of them as well. How could the crave of self-existence be looked upon higher than love? 

"Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope and patience never fail. Love is eternal."

(1 Corinthians 13: 4-8)

Whose responsibility?

After my morning shopping for a whole week of food, I went to the newspaper stall to get the latest news. What a shock when I saw all the major local newspaper are reporting on the death of the six-year-old, William Yau Zhen Zhong. 

William had been reported missing for more than a week and police were on their patrol and every media highlighted the issue wherever and whenever they can. Even people on Facebook shared William's photo and wished that this boy can be found safely and return home. Nevertheless, the nightmare we all feared has come alive - William was found dead!

Now the question is "How did he die?" Public is keen to find out the answer and the police just have to look out for the murderer or cause of William's death. It was another life. It was tragic. 

The aunty at the newspaper stall concluded that William's parents should not have left him in the car and went to shop themselves. They shouldn't and it would not have happened. But it was too late. 

We have had enough of parents leaving their children in the house for hours or asking their little children to run the errand or even forgetting that their children were asleep in the back seat of the car! These children died due to a "slight mistake" made by their parents and there were no turning back. Parents begged for forgiveness and I believe that the news of their children's death will haunt them for life. 

I've a son and I know how it feels it he were hurt. If only William's parents did not leave him in the car...If only William did not go down the car and went looking for his parents. If only William would be obedient to stay in the car, waiting patiently for his parents to return...If only this world will get better, the next generation would only be worse with less care and more negligence of what we should be doing.

A Maid

She has to wake up at 6am and starts to do housechores. This continues till 9am before she gets her breakfast. People say she is stupid because she could not understand simple command and  most of the time, she reacted to what is asked of her rather than being proactive on the tasks she needs to do. There and then, I thanked God that I am born in Malaysia, a place where if you're willing to work, you'll get money. Malaysia is good, if not better than third world countries where daughters are meant to be sent off to faraway countries to be maids to strangers. 

I keep asking myself, what will I do to a maid if I were to have one? There is very low possibility of having one for myself but I believe this assumption is needed here. If everyone can answer this assumption too, then, it will be a better world for both - the employer and maid. 

A maid is a human born by a mother. She has parents, just like we do and may or may not have siblings. She is ''sold'' here under contract in order to get money for the family. If she is extremely smart, she would get on top of your head. If she is slow, she might get changed and blacklisted as 'rejected item'. 

My mom and I also have high tolerance towards maids. Mom feels that if a maid is clever, she wouldn't have to come so far to earn money. She would have stayed in her homeland and get a job. Why the hassles of being transported to an unknown land and living with strangers with no or less contact with family members?Just imagine ourselves being sold as slaves to a faraway land. Forget about our father, mother, brother or sister. Day after day, work is awaiting us and so on....

Are we treating them as human? After talking with a maid, my heart was heavy with sadness. No doubt she was slow but I believe she wanted to try. My heart went to her at night with prayers, praying that Jesus may brighten her eyes and teach her how to do housechores better. I really hope that I can see her for the third time. 

It's a new year

It's the 1st of January again but on a different year.

I'll be older by a year and it also means a year closer to my death. Well, nobody knows at what age they'll die. I mean, you won't know it even if you have the greatest fortune teller to tell you so. Before my dad accepted Christ, he liked to visit fortune tellers. One of the fortune tellers told him that he would live to age 75. But what a shock when he knew that he was contracted with liver cancer at the age of 56 and died the same year! So, only God knows. 

Best wishes to everyone (as if I've a lot of readers here). I still wish to think and imagine someone is reading my blog and may this love and peace be passed on and on...

Christmas

Yesterday was Christmas. It was a long awaited moment to exchange presents with friends in the church. After two days (Christmas eve and Christmas day) of labouring with two big bags of presents to give out to the friends, we came home with one big bag of presents from others.

It was a moment of excitement tearing up one after another of wrapping paper. But the moment of knowing what was inside brought frown to my face. I would go, "Oh, not again?!" or "Why this??" I told my husband that we gave out more presents than we received. And what's more? The presents we received were not what we needed. My husband did not reply.

Before bed, I went to Jesus and said, "Oh, God. Please forgive me for forgetting what Christmas is all about. It's about You. It's about the birth of Jesus. Jesus is supposed to be the star of the day but we have put so much of emphasis on the presents to give and receive that we forgot about Jesus altogether. It was a shame! How wrong was I! Jesus is the best gift and He did not even ask anything in return."

Reflecting upon that, I saw myself as a little girl. Since young, I felt unloved. I am dark-skinned compared to other Chinese girls. What's more when I have single eye lids with uneven teeth. I envied people who get good gifts while I got mugs for every birthday. I didn't understand why my friends did not give me what I "wanted". I've always blamed that on my looks. I grow up with those thoughts in my mind and they will surface during each festive to create emotional swing in me. It is good that this Christmas God has opened up my eyes to see how 'a little girl' I was and it is time to move on to be a mother, a wife and someone with a motherly heart to love unconditionally. 

No matter how I look like or what I receive for Christmas, it is Jesus that matters. He shows me who I actually am and is able to change me. Thank you, Jesus. If possible, may I get another baby as my next Christmas present? Hehe....

Hand Foot and Mouth Disease (HFMD)

First it was a blister on his lower lip and next, he refused to eat anything at all. A look by his teacher at the playschool and I was asked to take my son to the doctor. The doctor confirmed my son to have Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease (HFMD) and said there would be more cases from the same playschool as parents lack knowledge on this issue.

When I just got married, I was ignorant about HFMD and brushed it off each time I came across it as it had nothing to do with me. All I knew was that it would be a painful ride for the child who contracted it. Besides that, I knew nothing about Coxsakie, another name used in Western countries for the same disease.

This time, however, I beg to differ. I need more information. There really were many contracted with this disease due to ignorance and - selfishness from parents who know it is contagious yet left their children at the playschool.

A surf in the world wide web gives me a lot of information about HFMD. So, what is HFMD? It is an illness characterised by fever, sores in the mouth, and a rash with blisters. The rash does not itch, so don’t expect your child to scratch it to tell you he/she has HFMD. Constant notices of baby’s palms and feet, as well as their appetite and body temperature help to have an early detection. The most common cause of HFMD is coxsakievirus A16.

As HFMD is caused by viruses, it is contagious through direct contact with the saliva, stool and blister fluid of the infected persons. The most contagious period is during the first week of the illness. Although the most common people who get infected with this disease are children aged 10 or below, adults may get infected too. Pregnant mothers may pass on the disease to the newborns and cause complications such as developmental and other defects in the foetus.

There is no special treatment for the disease. A visit to the locum confirmed that doctor only gives paracetamol and painkiller to reduce fever and discomfort for the patients. At the time of illness, patients’ fluid intake is vital as one may not be able to take in any food. Constant sponging the head of the infected helps to reduce his temperature too. The disease will resolve around 10 to 12 days but may still spread infectious virus for weeks.

A major preventive measure parents can take is to stop sending their children to school for the time being until the children fully recover. Secondly, the items used by the infected person should be disinfected constantly to avoid leaving any infectious fluid on them. Thirdly, a strict hygienic routine should be followed such as washing the hands after each change of diaper or touching on the skin of the infected persons.

 

References

http://www.babycenter.com.my/a1614/hand-foot-and-mouth-disease-hfmd

http://jknns.moh.gov.my

http://www.medicinenet.com/coxsackie_virus/article.htm#what_is_coxsackie_virus

http://www.parents.com/baby/health/other-issues/coxsackie-virus-facts/

http://www.sarawak.health.gov.my/hfmd.htm

 

 

Viral infection can be prevented with a little consideration towards others

Recently my son contracted hand, foot and mouth disease (HFMD). There was no point starting the blame game but it all started with one child, whose parents knew about their child’s condition, yet left him in the playschool and let the virus spread among his friends. It was plain selfish. My son and my friend’s daughter were infected too. And I advised my friend not to bring her daughter to an event because her daughter needs to be quarantined for at least one week to ensure she is fine before going to public places, especially getting in contact with other kids. She replied me with, “My husband said she is fine.” I was overwhelmed by her answer. How could parents be so selfish? They think that there is little chance of passing on the sickness to someone else and when it really does, they do not feel guilty at all? What have become of our society and mentality? Aren’t other people’s children, children too? Don’t we feel pain when our children are hurt, going foodless for days and yet we want other children to feel that pain too? Here I would like to plead to parents out there to not let your children join any function when they are sick. Hand, foot and mouth disease is infectious, just like chicken pox and tuberculosis. It can be prevented with a little consideration towards others, with a little time spent at home with the children and not to expose them to the public. When I visited the doctor, he said our country has more such cases compared to Westerners. This is because Westerners take other people into consideration and do not wish the virus spread to others. As a well-informed society, let us go to the next level, the level of not only thinking for ourselves but others too. Children around the world are the same – they feel pain the same way your children do. 

Hand foot and mouth disease (Kosaki)

My son is down with Kosaki or better known locally as hand, foot and mouth disease AGAIN! He had it last year end and it was a full year after that that he has it again now...

Last year, when I was told by my son's teacher that she suspected something, I was alarmed. I didn't know much about Kosaki and all I knew was that it would be a tough ride for both my son and I. The doctor prescribed my son antibiotics, paracetamol and painkiller. Thank God, it was easy last year. My son was easily duped into believing the white antibiotics was vanilla icecream and took them punctually. He did not go through pain or foodless days. 

This year, however, we went to another doctor. Well, frankly, I don't like antibiotics and I was saying, "Yipee! This doc didn't prescribe antibiotics." Doc said Kosaki is a viral infection and has nothing to do with bacteria. So, antibiotics is not needed. On the third day after contracting Kosaki, my son lost his appetite TOTALLY! He was not eating anything and kept throwing tantrum because the ulcers in his mouth hurt him so much. I could feel the pain too. I bought him coconut juice everyday and gave him watermelon. Those did not cool him down. On the fourth day, he started to have fever, reaching 39.1 degree  Celcius and started to feel dizzy most of time, wanting to sleep. My mom urged us to bring my son to another doctor and get a second opinion. 

We rushed our son to Hospital Selayang and was posted to the Fever Centre. Within half an hour, we had seen the doctor and my son's blood was requested to check whether antibiotics is needed. Thank God, it was fast and the doctor said that my son's blood showed there was higher white blood cells and that indicated bacteria infection. So, my son needed antibiotics. That very evening we gave him the first dose of antibiotics and the next day, he was jumping up and down and taking his three meals like usual! 

I wonder whether it was my tenacity of rejecting antibiotics that has caused much pain to my son or was it just the timing problem? 

What is a child?

Children are born not knowing anything. They came to the world and we teach and coach them to do things. Hence, as adults, we tend to think that we are much cleverer than children. However, children are our conscience teachers! They are pure at heart and motiveless unlike adults who have hidden agenda.

Besides, children's characters are tender.
They can be moulded and shaped according to our teachings. There is a Chinese saying which sounds like: How a child is at the age of 3 will determine what he will be at the age of 80. This means that the moulding period starts at the age of 0 up to the age of 3. Some statistics show that it ends at the age of 2 instead. This shows how crucial it is for parents to be aware of the importance of the impartation of knowledge and example for their children. So, do we give up moulding them after the age of 2? It should not be. There's nothing too difficult for the Lord to do. We should always believe bad characters can be changed if we have faith in our loving Jesus Christ for He is love. He loves us and our children and wants us to be like Him. He will teach us. 

Education should not stop at any moment of our lives nor our children's. 

Did you give birth to a child or a person?

Here, I would like to continue to share the book I am reading, Wei Ren Fu Mu, Wei Ren Shi Biao by Rev. Dr. Stephen Tong.

Did you give birth to a child or a person? You might say, "What? A child is a person and that person is my child. So, what's the difference?"

If parents always treat their children as children, then they are denying the children the opportunity to grow. We should treat the children as individuals, each has his/her own choices, preferences, uniqueness just like an adult. Let them the space to grow. Have we forgotten that we were once children?

Great people like John Wesley, Martin Luther or even Adolf Hitler were once children. It was how they were treat when they were children that shaped them to be what we knew them to be!

My story: The other day in my friend's sister wedding dinner, Isaac ran around the hall and disappeared behind some pillars. Daddy was anxious and went looking for him. When Isaac saw Daddy, he knew he had done something wrong. He had not kept his promise to stay close to us. Instead, he ran out of the boundary. Daddy asked, "What have you done?" Isaac started to cry loudly. It was embarrassing for both the adult and child.

Reminder: If we treat our children as individuals, we'll respect them. In the situation above, the father should have brought Isaac to a quieter place, just the two of them, to have a talk (car, toilet, meeting room, etc).

Stay tune!

Why has my child turned bad all of a sudden?

My son's teacher, Lydia, or my sis in Christ lent me a book by Reverend Dr. Stephen Tong. It is written in Chinese and I have to read it slowly, very slowly to understand it. And probably reading slowly does help to punch in the words into my mind. 

"Why has my child turned bad all of a sudden?" he said a parent asked. 

The parent should examine himself / herself. 

A child does not turn bad 'all of a sudden'. It was the parent who did not take notice of the changes in his/her child. 

Hence, parents are advised to be alert and conscious about their children's behaviour every now and then and not wait till something has happened and blamed it on someone or even God. That is irresponsible. 

It's a good lesson for me and hopefully for you too...It'll be zero quality time when a mother / father is typing away with the computer while the son shares the same room playing all by himself. It's zero quality time when a son types away with the computer when the father reads the newspaper. Take notice of your child every new behaviour now and stop him from turning bad. 

I'll continue to share the key points of the book in my next posts. 

Till then, God bless!

In loving memory of my dad

“Dad, I’ve made it!” I muttered. There was no reply. How I wish he was here on the day of my convocation for my Master degree. If only he were here, he would have attended my convocation and I would not have felt ‘alone’ in the hall throughout the ceremony. How I wanted to cry and how much I’ve cried. “Dad, I knew you can see me in heaven and may that be. I know you’ll be proud of me.”

Dad and Mom married at young ages. The marriage proposal was made when my grandfather was at his ill bed and Chinese believe that marriage can help boost an old person’s health, so my parents were married. Dad was immature and his play time had not ended. After all, he had a good mother to look after our food and clothes and what’s more to worry about? He never forgets to bring us out every weekend to one of the best beaches like Port Dickson and Morib and the then popular water theme park, Mimaland. However, when grandmother passed away, Dad was jolted from his slumberland and was pressured to work hard to earn a living for his own family. Working day and night, father-children relationship began to drift further and further apart. Communication was at the least! We woke up not seeing Dad and we went to sleep without any sign of him.

Dad missed a lot of our growing up. He did not know when I got my best Art stream student award in the school. He did not know when I cried and almost committed suicide for being bullied in the school. He did not know when I was betrayed. He did not know me! It did not help when we got to know that he had a mistress. Although he did not admit it, we knew it. The cracks went deeper.

During my varsity years, Dad had a tremendous change. He took the effort to take me to my varsity in Kedah every new semester and helped me to carry all my stuffs to the allocated room. He called me almost every night to find out what I was doing and whether I could cope with the ‘jungle’ life. When I graduated, he drove me everywhere for interviews. Happy days returned.

Things were fine not for long…Dad was diagnosed with liver cancer. It was the third stage and within a month, he was in the fourth stage and almost all the doctors we met gave up on his case. Within those six months of being ill, I saw great changes in Dad. He religiously went to church with me every Sunday. I would never forget those two questions that he asked and have touched me deeply. One was, “I’ve done so many bad things…Will Jesus forgive me?” I held his hand and assured him, “Yes, He will.” Another question he asked was, “Daughter, were you angry when I did not let you further your study in Australia as promised?” Deep down I wanted to say, “I was. I was extremely disappointed the moment I knew I could not go to Australia because all the money was to be spent on my brother for his three years of education in Australia rather than one as planned. I was disheartened why I was to be sacrificed.” But could I tell this dying man, my dear Dad that way? No! I told him, “It’s OK. I’ve made it to local university. I’ve forgiven you.”

Dad, I have forgiven you long ago on whatever you have done to us or to me. In fact, I have always missed you. With you, I was always a little girl. I liked to confide in you because you always gave me confidence. How I wish you were for my graduation! In loving memory of your 5^th anniversary, Dad. I miss you. 

Lost

Life can be so meaningless when one lost the directions. Even though I've heard talks about having aims and objectives in life, I could not have one in mine. What is wrong? Probably I'm going to have my menses again. Aha! I always have the 'lost' feeling before my menses - what people call PMS. 

PMS aside, I'm lost because most of the time I do not know why I am here on earth and what I should be doing next. For all these while, I've been living a life of, "it's here, so face it." I could still remember when it's time to make decision on what course I should be taking after my Form 5 (SPM). I did not know. I went searching for courses with friends in colleges and when I was offered Form 6 (STPM), I accepted it immediately because my three closest friends were going to the same school too. Then, when it was time to apply for varsity, I was lost again - waiting for my friends to give me an answer. Why was I always lost in the crowd? To me, I was following the bandwagon. I don't have aims. I don't have objectives. I don't have things to achieve. All I know is, when it's time to face it, I'll face it. Otherwise, don't bother me. I can't make decisions. I feel like a loser. 

Does it have something to do with my past? I've been delaying on seeking help from professional counsellor. I was thinking probably I could step out of it. I thought I was this way because I am free. Yes, when I'm busy I won't be able to 'think' what is my aim in life. Why bother? just move on and dress up, send the kid to school, read something, cook, eat, window shopping with family and life goes on. Is that so? 

My life is draining away without one crucial point - Why am I here for? What should I do next? 

I'm thinking of having another baby - for my son. ???

I'm lost...again?

It was a long long time that we decided to move out of my parents' house to a house which we can call a 'home'. It was a painful experience to live with my mom after my marriage as there are always collisions and differences in ideas between my husband and her or my mom and I. And frankly, why do people like to attack Christians so much? Are Christians the weaker part and more easily to be bullied? Each time when an argument erupts, my mom would pinpoint on our faith and question whether our God allows our actions. At times I think I am so much a victim and cry endlessly. I was hoping to hug Jesus and ask Him why He had allowed that to happen - a member of family to hurt and despise us. Some other time I think there could be a great plan behind all these, yes, Jesus might want me to learn something out of this. Imagine collisions between two durians - won't some of the thorns broke and some other become flat? I think that's the point of the subject. I learn to dismiss some hurtful and mean comments and move on. After all, I can't go taping up my mom's mouth to stop her from talking hurtful things. 

And when I thought that we've finally decided to move to an entirely new town, I'm lost again. My son's lungs are weak and for the last three weeks till present, he has been coughing! The house that we planned to view in August is just beside a busy road and next to the supermarket. In the long run, it will do more harm to my son and I don't want that to happen. And when I told my husband my thought, he was angry and asked, "I just don't know what you want." I also do not know...He did not want to move to the house we've bought because we have good rent. He wanted to keep the houses for rent and buy another house which requires me to work full timely. What a selfish desire? How much is enough? RM1,000,000 will be nothing if I were dead by tomorrow but it might not be enough if I lived through 100 years old. What are people chasing after these days? What is my husband chasing? One house after another? 

Jesus, please reveal where You want me to go for it is too disappointing to wait further...but may Your will be done. 

Lost of confidence

My friends have introduced me to home school some time ago and from time to time, her husband and herself would give me some additional info about homeschooling. 

Recently, they shared their vision on starting a homeschool. I can see their commitment in buying up a new premises and the urge to look for more relevant information and seeking help in setting up the school. My friend's husband has asked me to pray for a vision and whether I can join their force to be one of their teachers. 

I am still unsure. I'm unsure of so many things. I'm still praying to God for guidance on what I should be doing...I am lack of confidence. Although I know how to speak in English, my words would get tangled up when someone else is there. I feel pressure because I am always thinking that people are there to nit-picking on my lack of proficiency. 

Only God knows how to heal my childhood wounds of condemnation and lack of praises. And only God knows how to make me well again...

Bersih 3.0

Bersih 3.0 rally was held last Saturday, 28 April 2012. Although it happened two days ago, many are still talking about it and I believe the news will not die out in another one or two months time. 

I was not there because I went to China with my family for a holiday. Many of my friends went there and really enjoyed the participation. They told me it was a peaceful act of calling for a clean governance. And on that day, no one acted harsh. However, newspapers reported otherwise. 

How can we believe the local newspapers today? They are parts of government's agents! 

Which do you believe? Those who actually attended the rally or the news reported in the newspapers?

It's individual choice. I chose to believe my friends. 

God plans the best

Last week I was so tensed and pressured because my son did not perform well during the rehearsal. The bride-to-be was worried how it would turn out on her wedding day. She wanted it to be memorable and beautiful. I think no bride would want her page boys and flower girls to cry or refuse to walk down the aisle when the beautiful wedding music is playing.

I prayed and prayed. I had a range of plans on the day of the wedding - to wake my boy up at 6.30am and let him take a nap at 11am so that by 3.30pm when the wedding starts, he would have had enough of rest and perform.

But on that day, he woke at 8am. I brought him to the market and then to the lake to get a few ride on the horses. I wanted to make him exhausted. Then we went to buy rubber dinosaurs for him to play. By the time we were back, it was already 11.30am. I let him took bath and then fed him and sent him to bed. But he refused to sleep. We had no choice since time was running out. By 2pm, we set to leave the house and he slept in the car. When we reached church around 20minutes later, he woke up, feeling afresh with good mood.

Thank God, the wedding went well, especially the moment we were waiting for...Whatever human planned, it was just a plan. Whatever that God plans will become a fact and turns out to be the most beautiful blessing of all!

Read, read and read

Read, read and read. That's the only thing I can say in getting a knowledgeable child. I read to my child anything we come across, be it a book, magazine, newspaper, pamphlet, flyers, menu, comic, etc. You name it, everything that is pure and good and beneficial, I will want to read to my son and let him know more about that genre. 

Once a person reads a lot, he/she will learn a lot and be more mature in thinking. When they enter preschool, parents would have lesser burden in enforcing reading habit. 

Reading has so many benefits. It helps the child to understand a matter with different perspectives. It also helps the child to write well. 

When I asked my brother, "How can you write so well?" 

He said, "I don't know. It's in me." 

Yes. It's through years of reading. So, parents, let's start reading to your children today! 

Nurturing reading habit

Have you ever read a book to your children? Ok, I'm asking Asian parents. I understand very well that reading to children is in the culture of the Westerners but not as much for the Asians. 

When my friend first told me to read to my foetus, I was like, "Urgh?! Read to him when he was not born yet?" My friend told  me that though foetus could not see what we were reading, he/she could hear us and viola, her sons remembered the stories told to them when they were just foetus. Is that true? 

I tried reading to my son when he was just 5 months old in my tummy and I felt bored. I felt like I was talking to a wall! I would rather spend time watching TV than reading, "A for Apple" to an unborn. So, I gave up and only read once in a long long while. 

When my son was born, I thought he would be too young to understand anything and hence, delayed reading to him again. Once when we went back to my husband's hometown in Johor, my sister-in-law advised me to read to my son as early as possible. She has a very good example - her son, who loves books more than anything else. It was awesome to watch that boy reading book after book. So, without any delay, I started to read to my son when he was four months old. I read to him whenever I was breastfeeding him. It felt good. He listened attentively. I bought simple books with short sentences and big pictures. 

Now, I thank God because my son answers most of the questions asked by his teachers. I thank God that I read to him early. I thank God when teachers came to me and said, "Your son knows a lot! You must have taught him well." I thank God that my son will pick a book and read by himself. I thank God for everything! 

I am one proud mother when my son would pick a book and sit down to read all by himself. 

Teh Tarik Junction: Nurturing reading habit

Teh Tarik Junction: Nurturing reading habit: Have you ever read a book to your children? Ok, I'm asking Asian parents. I understand very well that reading to children is in the culture o...

Appreciate every moment spent with the child

For the past one week, my son stayed at home throughout the day because he could not do any heavy stuffs like jumping in the trampoline in the school. Then, I remembered how I feared him and was so exhausted taking care of him for the past 2 years. With tears, anger, frustration and guilt, I went through the past 2 years and am still keep searching for an answer. 

When he was born, the family was so excited. But this baby was so different. (OK, every baby is different). He wanted people to carry him ALL THE WHILE, even at home. So, even when we were at home, we would have to carry him and walk around the house. How I wish he could learn to crawl and I could let him crawl more and no more carrying. But then, when we were outside, floors are dirty and it's not good to crawl. So, carry him again. And how I wish he could learn to walk and so I can stop carrying him. But when he starts to walk, he is fast and he started to run away dangerously which make us carry him. 

Children grow fast. Appreciate every moment. Although I thought I've spent much time instilling a good reading habit in him, I lost the most important thing - patience and discipline. 

Oh, what ending is it?!?

I just finished watching a Chinese love story involving three parties - two gorgeous guys and one pretty woman. One of the guys is my favourite actor, Louis Koo Tin Lok. As an obedient audience I followed every scene diligently and ahem, as the Director of perfecto, I never guessed the ending of a drama wrongly. But I was wrong this time! Arrgghhh! 

The storyline goes like this, Louis Koo met a woman, Yan Yee and tried all sorts of things to date her. When he got her a date, he ended up in bed with another woman. Years later, they worked in the same office and he wanted to date her again. Later on, she realised that he went to bed with another woman the day of their date. So, she rejected him. She wanted someone loyal, not a playboy which the role Louis Koo played was. 

At that time, she met the guy whom she saw few years back. He was an architect or engineer who drew and was building a skyscrapper building following Yan Yee's shadow. Oh, how romantic! 

Louis Koo found that he had no love for one-night-stand anymore and went to look for Yan Yee. He found her in the restaurant with the other guy and his parents. So, he went to the opposite building and painted  "Marry Me" on a cloth and pull it over like a banner across the building. It was a touching scene. At the same time, the other guy came with a ring, knelt down and display a big 'MARRY ME' through the lightings in the opposite building. Oh, that was even more romantic! How could anyone resist that??? Deep down I wanted the heroin to accept the engineer who was more loyal and honest but I thought she would choose Louis Koo. In fact, I thought the girl would say, "I'm sorry" and left but she didn't. She held her hand forward to the engineer to put in the ring. And Louis Koo waved goodbye and said he's going back to earth to be 'him' again - a playboy in nature. 

Every story has an ending. What others decide, we can't do anything. But we can always decide on the ending we want for ourselves. Isn't life a stage-show? How would you want your story to end? 

Being humble provides us knowledge

How often do we admit our fault and say we are sorry? Even my 3 year-old son would not admit his fault immediately! He would run away when I demanded an apology. Thank God, after some quiet time (around 30 seconds), he would come running back to me and apologise. 

When we look back, we might think it's not so difficult to be humble. But when we are there and then, we are reluctant to admit our fault. We take every critics and feedbacks as personal attack. We would then block out all other kind of opinions and suggestions and finally come up with excuses that we are indeed the 'right' one. 

Recently, I was faced with a difficult person and was so disappointed with her attitude of turning the gun point at us when we felt she was the one who need to change. How I wanted to get the words straight into her face that being humble brings you no harm. In fact, it gives you more knowledge. And the more knowledge you get, the more humble you'll be and the cycle would go on and on. 

Humble doesn't mean taking nonsense into account. It means the willingness to respect and consider the feelings and opinions of others as probably they might be in the right position. Humble means thinking everyone else as greater than us. Humble means the willingness to put down the self, ask and learn from others. 

The world is so big and we are just tiny weeny bits which are here today and gone tomorrow. It is difficult to swallow up one's pride but come think about the abundant joy in learning and acquiring knowledge when we are humble, don't it worth the while to let go of "I"? 

How corporal punishment (CP) is used?

I've been looking everywhere for books which advise people to use corporal punishment (CP) but I could find almost none in the market. Yes, the world is going towards nurturing with love. Love means having the patience to talk nicely and yes, let the boys and girls retaliate as they like and yes, continue to talk nicely and so on...

Blah blah blah...You'll find a lot of books in the market encouraging parents to use LOVE in educating their children and very few books or none at all talking about the use of CP. But from the research I read, people around the world are still using CP to an extend of abusing it! And yes, now, CP and abuse are two totally different things. 

CP should be:

1) used only as the LAST resort - when warnings are given and yet the child didn't learn from his/her mistake and heed the warnings. 

2) used with an instrument such as a cane or stick is used

3) only one or two strikes on the palm and not anywhere else (which the pain is bearable for the child)

4) followed by explanations on why it is used. 

5) used only when the parents/guardians or caretakers are in a calm mood so not to cause any injury to the child. 

6) used with wisdom

Corporal Punishment vs Nurturing with Love

Frankly, I don't see the difference between corporal punishment (CP) and nurturing with love. The current trend is that we should use LOVE - talk gently and nicely to the children and not touch them a single hair. I don't know what others think, but I think CP and LOVE are interrelated.

Take for example, I LOVE my son and so I will use CP when it is necessary. Look, necessary means I don't have to use CP at all when he did not cross certain borders. The borders are the ground rules as mentioned in my previous post.

Rule No. 1 - Do not fight or hurt others. When he does that, he'll have to face a disciplinary session which is a strike on his palm with a cane or stick.

Why use a cane or stick? It is important to use an instrument when incorporating CP because it tells the child that when they are naughty, the cane will be used. It's something like the Pavlov's experiment - bell, food and saliva and in this case, fighting, discipline, cane. When they are hostile, they will need to be removed from their friends and face CP.

Hands are not to be used to discipline a child because hands are used to do so many other things. We need to let the child know that hands are used to open the door, wash the dishes, cook, etc and MOST OF ALL, to hug and carry the child. This also reinforce the ideology that the child should not use his/her hands to hurt others.

Of course, some people might argue that using CP will only give positive reinforcement for the child to be more violent. The fact is that, after reading so many articles, I found that there is no absolute reason for not using CP when the parents / teachers know that CP is used out of LOVE for the child. Only someone who loves the child will not want the child to be one spoilt rotten brat.

A Chinese proverb goes, "Beaten on the child's flesh but the ache felt by the mother."

Whose mother would willingly let her child be beaten up? But wouldn't it be better for the child to be beaten and taught now when they are still young rather than being beaten in the jail later in their lives? 

If you think using CP means lashing out at the kid like one insane person, then you get me wrong. When used appropriately, CP has a positive effect because we do it out of love to discipline the child and absolutely not out of anger. And after executing CP, we should always let the child know that we still love him/her the same. Give them hugs and kisses and go on with daily activities. Condemn the behaviour not the person.

One interesting website on why CP should be used is as follow:
Corporal punishment needed in American schools

It's expensive. Don't buy lah!

Recently, I'm very fond of picture books because of the help I could get. My son likes the book, "Elmo loves you." There is one page saying, "Kids love toys," and I twisted the meaning a little. I told my son:

"Look! The baby wants a bear and the Mommy said, "You've so many soft toys at home. Let's not buy it. And the sister wants a doll. The Mommy said, "Let's look at the price. Oh Wow! It's expensive. Let's not buy it.' And look at them, they did not cry. So, Baby have to be good and not cry when Mama didn't buy you toys.

My boy nodded and the pictures have surely internalised into him. The story works miraculously and he never lament or throw tantrum when I refuse to buy him toys.

And now, last Tuesday, we were in Tesco and I was browsing at the ovens, my son said, "It's expensive la. Don't buy. At home got already lah."

What should I say?

I called my friend to check the price of ovens. She told me the next day was Jusco members' day. So, I bought a new oven the next day with cheaper price when my son was attending school. WA HAHA HA!

Setting ground rules

To be able to persist and be firm on something, parents should first set ground rules for the kids. 

Ground rules are not meant to be altered or change when one feels like it. So, parents have to be consistent with their rules. 

For example, the first rule in the Montessori my son attends is, not to fight or to hurt anyone. When this happens, the teacher will say, "STOP!" and immediately remove the children involved to a room. She would first tell them, "Kicking at people is not good. It hurts others. Now, this is the first warning. If I see this happen again, I'll have to discipline you."

Research shows that children start to understand cause and effect as young as at age 3. So, parents should first let the children know what are the ground rules and what will happen if they break the rules. Well, you would ask, "What about setting rules with children younger than 3?" 

Yea, I've those queries too. But the fact is children will get familiar with something when we keep repeating to them. That's how we learn our ABC and 123 right? As long as we have the patience and passion to build the children's character and repeat to them what is right and what is wrong, a child could not go wrong. 

Parents should be firm yet gentle

"Oh, I don't know how to be a mother!" Sometimes I heard myself saying that.

My son is one mischievous lot. When I saw my friend's son could sit down and play quietly, I wondered what is wrong with my son! 

What I learned from the Montessori teacher and also a friend of mine is that I should be firm with my decision. I should not give in no matter how my son whine or cry or throw his tantrum. I know it sounds easy but when it comes to practising it, life could be upside down. Ignoring a child's tantrum is one thing but making him stop the tantrum as well as learning that tantrum does not solve problem is rather a tough task. It takes patience and consistency. 

For example, whenever I asked my son to go to the toilet (yes, he needs to be reminded to pee), he would refuse to and started to stamp his feet. I should say something like, "I think there's an Ultraman in the toilet. Maybe we should check it out." I'll think of ways to lure him to the toilet and yes, I don't stop talking. Talking and distracting him from the whining help to calm him down as well as completing the task in hand. 

Being firm means not giving in. We are adults and should know what is best for the kids. Since we think something is the best for them, we should insist on it and not giving in to them simply because they throw a big tantrum. 

Being gentle means we give reminder on how they should behave (not by kicking, crying, whining, etc). It also means that when they whine and throw a big fit, we don't smack or get angry at them easily. 

I think the method is starting to work within me and my son. I'm having two whine-free days from my son. Keep the fingers crossed!

My son is aggressive!!!

Finally, I've finished off my thesis with a great relief!

And now, for the morning session while my son attends playschool, I'll be sitting in my friend's hubby's office, reading through journal articles on parenting.

Yea, I'm bored to death at times because I just do not know what to do with my time. But the more I read the articles, the more I feel like doing a research myself on the topic of parenting aggressive children.

My son, a two year and five months old child, would throw tantrum whenever things don't go his way and he is extremely hostile and impulsive. He is hostile because he simply attack the other children if they try to grab his toys. Of course, it is a way to protect himself, but as parents, who don't feel embarrassed when our child hurt others to the extent of leaving pinching scars on the other boy's face! It is totally unacceptable!

I need to find a solution - QUICK!

A Chinese proverb goes like this, "Behaviours internalised into a child at 3 years old will keep repeating themselves till they are 80!"

Oh my! I do not want my child to be aggressive throughout his life. Am I paranoid?

Husband and Wife 1

Lately, I have had many arguments with my husband. To me, I felt I've totally lost hope and expectations in him. Take the day before Christmas, I was extremely tired ( I wondered why). After attending my husband's subordinate wedding reception, we reached home at 3pm and I was exhausted. Lying on the bed, my son asked for milk. I asked my husband, who had just taken his bath, to prepare the milk for the baby yet he refused to. I woke up and prepared it myself. The anger was burning inside. I hated him to the extent of wanting him to die. I don't understand why he simply can't fullfill my simple request. What is a husband for if he couldn't provide in the time when I needed him most?

I refused to go to church for the dinner. He brought our son and left. I was angry. I was disappointed. He didn't even say sorry for that? He didn't even consider to beg me to go? 

I called a few friends and thought of running away from home. Yet, everyone was busy with Christmas! Who's going to take me in? 

I left the house and accelerated to the church, wanting to take my son home and asked my husband to stay out of the house for the night. I didn't want to see him. I hated him to the extent of wanting to take a stone and *BOING* on his head. 

I reached church and at the entrance, we argued. I wanted my son and leave. We got into his car and talked. 

He apologised and I gave in. 

Letting the child attend playschool

Lately, I started to get busy with life again. Hmm...It's not really about work but about my unfinished thesis. I started my Master programme before I got pregnant and till now, I already has a son, just celebrated his two years of age and yet, I'm still stuck with an unfinished dissertation! I thought of giving up but then, an old time professor told me, "It's not only about finishing the thesis, it's about completing something you've started. You'll be a role model for your children in the future."

A role model? Yea, I wish I can. Hence, I took up the courage to make my life busy with my thesis. But how can I get busy with my thesis when I've to take care of my son? I decided to send him to a trusted playschool which is opened by my church member. Then, I can really sit down and work without fear of my son getting injured or without proper care.

I've to admit that letting go of my son is a terrible decision since he was with me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and he's like my own heartbeat. The moment I thought of letting him attend playschool, I shivered and my eyes were filled with tears. I had the disease people called separation anxiety!!!

The first day that I sent my son to the playschool, I was very excited and so was my son. To me, he was not scared at all. In fact, he was extremely engrossed with the activities and totally forgotten about me! So, I went off.

But the next day, I cried in front of the headmistress, my friend. I told her that I felt myself as useless because I'm only taking care of my son - ONE son. Some people might think I'm useless because I can't handle even a son. My friend consoled me and told me that it's OK to send the child to the playschool. She has children younger than my son attending her school and yes, full time mother also needs rest and some personal time.

Full time mothers out there, do not fear of having your own personal time. I feel great having my own few hours now. I feel relaxed without my son tagging along when I need to do my homework. and yes, I feel recharged after the few hours of separation.