Roasted honey chicken

Easy yet delicious! 😍

Roasted honey chicken

No frying or oil is needed. Just put everything in the oven for 30 minutes and then brush on honey and bake for another 10 mins and here they are!

Mackerel fish paste

You don't learn this in school...😝

I've seen my mom making mackerel fish paste and I told myself that I am not gonna do this in my life. It was simply too messy and too "complicated" for a simple person like me. I could buy it from the market with just RM14 a pack. 

Although the fish paste from the market smelled fishy and tasted fishy, I had no choice but to continue buying from the fishmonger. 

Last month my sister in law gave me two fish...I had no inkling what type of fish was that. So I had the first one steamed. And it ended up that the whole family had a VERY VERY frustrating dinner because the fish was full of tiny little bones and it was such a hazard to feed the fish to the little one. 

In frustration, my husband said, give the other one to Hooi Thiam please. I asked my sister in Christ, Hooi Thiam, and she asked me, "Is it 'sai-tou' fish? It is a very delicious fish if you make it into fish balls."

Then she started to teach me how to un-flesh the fish and so on... Following her instructions, I tried for the first time in my life to make fish paste. It wasn't good but at least we had a good dinner without bones.

Being one that didn't want to give up, I bought mackerel fish and tried again. The second time ended up bad as well because I added too much of water. I called up my friend and asked her some more - wishing to pick up on details which I had missed previously. 

And today, I bought mackerel again. I AM NOT GOING TO GIVE UP! 💪💪

And TA-DA!!! This is the first successful mackerel fish paste and there will gonna be more and more and more by God's grace...🙏😊

I have to give special thanks to my sis in Christ who is always ready to teach me something I never learned in the school. And I can't praise the Lord enough to let me have a friend like her so that I can taste the love of Christ and smell the fragrance of Him. 🌈

Zipper bags

Phew! Finally... I've completed two zipper bags to be used as busy bags for my son. ✌️

I wanted to save some money from buying. But I used almost 1 and a half hour from cutting the fabric to sewing. Is it worth the time? 

Fun & Cheer is selling bags this size for RM2-3 each only. 

😣 feeling confused

Laugh again, hope again

When someone asks you, "How are you?", what would you say? Most often than not, we would say, "I am fine, thank you." And that's what we taught our kids too. 

As I was reading the book, "Laugh Again, hope again", I was exhilarated. Yes, I definitely need this booster. 

Human is so superficial nowadays. We asked questions but we didn't really want to listen to the answers. Everyone is so busy. We would "touch & go" on a subject rather than having a lengthy talk about it. And even when we opened up, we may retreat when we sense that the other person may not like what we are saying. 

According to John Powell's "Why am I afraid to tell you who I am?", there are five levels of communication which are presented in a concentric circles, from the most shallow (outer circle) to the deepest (smallest circle at the core). 

Level 5, the outer circle and the most basic one is called cliche conversation. Eg. How are you? 

Level 4: report facts. There is no personal, self-revelatory commentary. Eg. Little tales about others 

Level 3: ideas and judgment. May retreat if the listener raise an eyebrows or yawn. 

Level 2: feelings. 

Level 1: absolute honesty and openness (usually between spouses)

We rarely reach level 2. And to be exact, we may not even be able to stay in level 3. That's a pity. We rarely open up our feelings and be authentic! If we are open, we fear we will get hurt. So we rather closed up. 

We fear to be too authentic. We fear to reveal our weaknesses because we don't know what would the other person think of us. We don't want others to think less of us. 

Worries, stress and fear steal our joy away! 

It's so true. I was always worrying what the other person might think of me. Would she think I'm crazy? Would she think I am incapable of handling a task because I'm depressed? If not, why is she distancing herself? Why did she say what she said? Shouldn't friends be authentic to each other, without hiding any feelings? 

Well, I've been worrying too much. Why should I put my joy in the hands of others? Why did I put my joy solely by looking and keep rehearsing the expressions of a friend (keep yawning😵😵) in my mind? Ok. I guess she's being authentic by not hiding herself under the table to yawn. 😬

That's enough. 

Joy here I come! 🌈 praise the Lord for there's rainbow after the rain.

The hand of God

What do you do when you are in need and there was no one around and your phone was not working?

My heart was breaking. I wanted to cry but I was too busy fumbling with my phone. I wanted to talk. I wanted to talk to a close friend and poured out my bitterness. But the phone was not working and it made me even more desperate. Some time later, I gave up. I slumped myself on the floor and looked at the sky blankly. My heart was wrenching and no words could come out of my mouth. Tears started of flow freely and all I could mutter were "My Lord" and "Jesus". 

After some time, I was filled with peace. A peace that said that the problem still exists but I do not have to face it alone. God was with me. He was and He is and He will be with me! Nothing feel better than the affirmation from God. 

I thought I depended on God. But I didn't. At least not 100%. When I faced with difficulties, I looked for friends to share with me rather than God. But when God closed other doors, I had nothing but Him alone and that's when I knew, ALL I NEED IS HIM ALONE. 

I am in God's hand. Whatever that has happened, happened for a reason. And I can be rest assured that God is watching over me!

Fail-proof plants

Planting taugeh (spring onion too) is so satisfying because you will never fail in planting one! 😅

Failure is a name we don't like yet we have to face it. I salute my friends who can brave through many trials without giving up. 

The key word may be 

PERSISTENCE

CONSISTENCE

FAITH 

HOPE

LOVE

I love to see my plants grow in their little pots. They reminded me that life is like plants too, here today and maybe gone tomorrow. 

Love the people around us.

Live the life with wisdom, a life with direction and a godly life.

The traffic monster

He tore off his mask and revealed his hideous monstrosity features underneath his handsome suit. His eyes were blood red and he was fuming with anger. He bared his teeth and showed his fangs. When the light turned green, Arffffggh!!! He sprinted forward and blocked the whole passage, not allowing anyone to cross over. And seeing this, those behind him follow suit and all, clenched their knuckles while marching forward. Unity is power and so, they blocked the whole passage to their heart delight. No guilt. No conscience. 

There was no justice. Law was broken. In fact, what is law to these monsters? 

Well, you can see this act along Jalan Sentul at 8am or I believe, any roads with traffic lights and terrible jam. 

Though rested after a night, their heart were faint, the bodies aching and exhausted. They did what they did because being selfish was "right" when everyone is doing the same thing. 

We are human, imperfect human. Though living in a civilized society, we still acted uncivilized. When push comes to shove, we would do anything to achieve our needs than of others. We need to be constantly watched to keep our masks intact or we will reveal our monstrous features. 

I believed many of us get stuck on the road often. And sometimes, it was due to selfish people who blocked the whole road when there was obviously no space to move forward. And when our light turned green, we couldn't go because our road was blocked by that hideous monster. And sometimes, people just stopped at the yellow box, not allowing others to pass by, "just-to-be-sure" that no one can cut into their lane. 

Where is love? Where is patience? Where is kindness?

Yesterday I went to the market and asked for dried chilies to cook curry. The old uncle took out a box of dried chilies and said, "Here you are..choose..."

I said, "Uncle, I just need three."

He replied kindly, "Sure, choose la..."

And after taking three from the box, I asked the price. He said, "It's ok. Just take it."

I smiled and said, "It's a business, uncle. I should pay."

He asked for 10 cents. 

A small gesture of kindness is like a candle. Though burning oneself, it illuminates the whole room and let others see things clearly. How good it is if this baton of kindness can be passed on from one person to the next...

May you drive with patience and kindness tomorrow...

Discontentment and envy

I first started out my blog with the hope that it would draw readers from around the world and I would then be able to earn through their clicks on the ads. But how foolish or naive I have been! I spent endless hours on cooking and taking photographs and typing out the recipes and so forth but whenever I checked my income, I found that I had not even earned a single cent, I was angry, disappointed, sad, lousy...

Then I told myself, regrets upon regrets, I shall never do the same foolish thing. I started with a wrong motive! Earning income is nothing wrong but earning income at the expense of neglecting my son? My son was around 2 when I first started this blog. I was angry when he woke from his nap which interrupted my work. I neglected him to prepare dishes that's complicated. I was not found when he needed me most. What was I doing? In the hope to make a daily entry for my blog so that it could be seen at the top of the search page. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make it to the top. Well, obviously someone who's great in IT is paid to do such job and as poor as I am, how could I afford to pay to be at the top and then wait...wait for the opportunity to earn cents through clicks?

Today, I read a popular blog. Again, I felt, why can people do it but not me? I was green with envy. 

I lack confidence, consistence and persistence. 

I gave up on things too easily. But I told myself, I will try again. But this time, I won't do it on the expense of my kids because my kids are worth far greater than money. When they need me, I will be there. I will put this down and be with them...

True counsel

Yesterday was a day I had waited for since early of the month. An old friend contacted me to ask whether I would be free for a date yesterday and after checking through with my husband and my mom, I confirmed the date. I had to make sure my husband had no meeting so he could be at home to look after the kids. I had to make sure my baby was asleep before I could go out. And finally, my night out was here! 

I had thought of what to say or how to say or simply, what can be shared. But after the meeting, I felt like a fool. I don't know. I couldn't sleep as the picture of her yawning and feeling bored when I was talking made me disheartened. 

She was my best friend and to be exact - my ONLY best friend which I still cherished till - yesterday. I felt somewhere, somehow, something was missing. Maybe it was the years of gap that we lost contact or maybe it was because she has changed while I am still the stupid me.

While I tried to cautious, there was a few times that I gave in to "me" because I thought, "Friends should be honest, isn't it? And forgiving, if I say something wrong." I opened a topic on widower remarrying too soon and I found that she didn't understand my point. The conclusion was, "It's not your problem. Why do you have to think about it?" 

Yes, it's not my problem but because I linked the question to how much my husband loves me currently, I think it is fairly related. But her further response saddened me. 

I felt once again, maybe I had spoken like a fool that's why she was bored. Or maybe she thought I had nothing besides negativism to share. I don't like the idea of that. And to think about it, I doubt she'll come again - ever. 

I gave her a bracelet. A bracelet that I bought about 4 years ago when her birthday was arriving and she said she would be coming to meet me up but cancelled her plan. I didn't mention to her about that, because I think, it matters not, anymore. 

I believe a good friend is one who stands by you, listen and give counsel to you and not someone who would be agitated when you were just sharing your own thoughts. We really have much difference. 

I know I'm slow in growing - spiritually and emotionally but trust me, I'm growing with the help of my current BEST FRIEND- JESUS CHRIST - who will never abandon me or feel bored by me. 

I thank The Lord for I don't have to impress Him. I don't have to think about what to say to make Him happy or so forth because He simply loves me. 

I am not a maid

Sometimes I feel I am a maid. Exhausted. Unappreciated. 

Me: I feel like I am a maid.

Son: No, you're not. You're my Mama. 

Me: I cook, I wash, I clean, I look after you all...and teach you. 

I think I can be replaced. A maid can do the same.

Son: No...you're my mama.

Me: What does a Mama do?

Son: You cook...you clean...

Me: That's what a maid do...

Son: But you're my Mama. 

😭😪😢😳

The conversation continued and...

Son: What present do you want?

Me: I don't know want present I want. I never thought of what I really want.

Son: hmmm...How much does a daisy cost?

Me: (knowing he will get me a daisy) No, don't waste money. Flower wilts too soon. 

Son: then what do you like? Maybe bracelet? How much is it?

Me: Maybe 30 or 40 ringgits.

Son: I think I can buy that. 

😁😀

I thank God for giving me two beautiful angels to brighten up my day when it seems so hard to pass...

When you work, you get to have bonuses. 

When I work, I get two soul-touching kids that heal me when I'm feeling sick.

My heart aches

I don't know why I wasn't aware of his addiction to television until we had our first child. 

We used to watch tv together during dinner and after dinner until before bed. It was never a problem until Isaac was born. We continued to watch tv. He could play by himself, we thought. It was until he was two that I felt something was really wrong. He needed a good example and we were not setting good examples by watching tv endlessly and especially when it interrupted his sleeping time. Isaac used to sleep at 11pm or 12am at times!

I stopped watching tv. I wanted to spend more time with Isaac. I hated it when my husband rather watched TV than playing with him. It doesn't make sense. Man wants to have a family and when he has a wife and child, he refuses to give them time. So what's the point of having a family? That's my reason to have a fight with my husband - ALL THE TIME.

And the more fight we had, the more bitter I am. It didn't help. He won't change for us. And I just couldn't change him. I could only change myself to adapt to him. 

It makes me strong when I think that I'm depending on God. Though I may be strong, there are still times, my heart aches so much I wish I weren't here. Why am I the only one who's playing and accompanying the OUR children? Why am I the only who thinks setting a good example is a must for the kids to lead a Christian life? Why only me? 

The root of bitterness

I have no mood to read though I know I should read the Bible everyday. Sometimes, I just do not know what I want or what I am doing but I just keep sliding the screen on my phone while skimming through Facebook. Then, I stopped at a photo of my church members. 

They're a jovial and well respected couple. They're also proud parents of three children. But it hurt me when I see their photo. I don't quite understand. 

After reading my Bible, I finally understood. Praise The Lord for revealing to me what was wrong. 

Long ago, during lunch, we were chatting and I said that I couldn't really work in the administrative department or handle paper works. It was so boring that I almost fell asleep during work (I was relating my work experience as a marine claim executive). Then this experienced uncle 'taunted' me with something like, "that's because you've never worked in the bank administrative before. It is so busy practically that you won't get to breath. My daughter is working in a bank now. You can always ask her. She's as busy as I do. You won't be able to fall asleep." 

I felt hurt. And that hurt was a seed planted deep into my heart. And whenever I see this uncle or his daughter, I don't seem bless them but feel bitter. 

I prayed that God remove this bitterness. Why should I be hurt with that little conversation? Our lord Jesus Christ was humiliated and accused yet remained calm. In fact, He even prayed to our Father in heaven to forgive the sinners because they do not know what they're doing. Yes, forgive others and release self from being bitter is the best option to be joyful in The Lord. 

As human, we tend to speak a lot and sometimes we speak wrongly or have hurt others but we don't know. Pray that God will always guide us in our speech so that we will not hurt or provoke others by our words. 

Amen. 

I feel lousy

I feel lousy. I'm exhausted but I know I have to write this out before going to bed or I would stay awake even when I'm in bed.

I don't understand my exhaustion. I feel dizzy at times, nausea at times and exhausted most of the time almost every day since Monday. OK, exhaustion aside, I keep my reading up to date so I won't miss a day. I want a real change in me. 

1) Today, however, I felt extremely agitated but thank God I was able to guard my lips from lashing at my mom's sarcastic comment, "Keep the bill and claim it from your husband."

Kao Fu came today after his visit to Selayang Hospital. He's always kind enough to drop off packets of "Chee Cheong Fun" because he knows my husband loves it. So, how could I let him leave going hungry? And by my mom's suggestion, we headed to Tea Garden after sending Isaac to UCMAS training class. The bill came up to RM43. My mom wasn't grateful at all but gave sarcastic remarks. If that's not all, she thinks I'm rich to have extras all the time. I really wanted to tell her in her face that I only have another hundred ringgit to survive for this and next week but I didn't. I'm blessed for not lashing at her or I'll lose a testimony. 

2) I don't understand why men are so dependent! Be it my little man Isaac or his father, they're just so lazy to look for what they want but ASK and expect you to find it for them. Isaac called out,"Mama, where is my chicken bag?"  even before he REALLY look for it. Then when we were back from church, my husband asked, "Eii..ei..." when he was looking for the umbrella he had put into the bag earlier on. It was there but they just had to make some remarks or ask for help. Such lazy bum! But I had to swallow this because today's reading taught me to "treat my husband like a real man". I should respect him and resist to taunt him with hurtful comments such as this. Huh!!?!

3) My husband said he was tired after dinner and doubted whether he could stay awake during sermon. But after church, he had his supper while watching TV and he won't be in bed till midnight. Sometimes I feel whether I should believe in his "I'm tired" statement. It seems like all the exhaustion can be "cured" by watching TV.

4) I don't understand why mom wanted to follow us to the church. Her heart is so hard, I feel she's a spy or something like that. She told me she wanted to understand more before accepting Christ but the fact from the conversation I had with her, she still believe that she'll become crazy once she accepted Christ. And that's impossible if she had the right kind of faith. And what she spoke just made me feel even lousier. 

After all the Lamentations come counting the blessings.

1) When I was folding the clothes, I was amazed at how many clothes my kids have! Their clothes can last for a month without any washing to be done! And I always felt grateful when Isaac was three. He was lack of pajamas pants. I wished someone would give him some so I don't have to buy. And God heard my prayers. Someone did. And the pants exceeded what I was hoping to get. It's an abundant blessing! 

2) Well, this month I was really on a tight budget. I don't know why. I never counted how much I had previously but I always had money to save. In contrast, this month I wrote down what I had to spend and then, I was panicked and I really don't have much left. I just have another hundred plus to last for this weekend and next week. But I need to thank God because I'm not lacking. I still have a hundred to spend. 

I am a failure

I had breakfast with my daughter at a mamak stall. Hannah said she was hungry at hearing the name of "roti canal". She loves to eat food made with flour. Biscuits, bread, etc...

The stall was playing WWF. As I was watching the horrible scene of one lady bending the other's leg and having the other screaming for mercy, I thought,"Why would these people in their right mind like to watch this kind of show? How cruel it is!" 

Everything seemed ok until...Hannah took her nap in the morning. 

I went out to finish off what I needed to do. Then, I went searching for jobs...but it ended without any decision. I went to cook lunch and gradually, my mood went downhill...

I felt like a failure. Nothing seemed to be going right. I had to teach Isaac but I couldn't because Hannah was lingering around and pulled me to the room once and again to be breastfed. I hoped time could past fast enough before I had my explosion. I thanked God that granted me strength to pray at that time of low spirit. The prayer gave me extra strength to go through two hours without exploding, and I was relieved that my husband was back from work to take my baton. 

I like to cook. When I cook I'm alone. I can talk to myself. I can be 'free' for some time. So, I took out the coconut flour my mom bought for me to bake bread. It was not right. It didn't come out as bread. It came out as biscuits or maybe biscuit-bread? I felt bad again...but now that when I settled down to write this, it calmed me. I feel better. I think I shouldn't start looking for job unless I'm ready for it. The process of looking for jobs always stressed me out especially when I know I couldn't take the job I wanted! 

If you ask, what's my blessings I received today? 

1) I thank God that my husband was very understanding today.

2) Hannah was such an adorable child - she danced her Wong Fei Hung version all by herself.

3) Isaac practised piano without being asked to. 

It's good to always think about the pure, lovely and admirable things..

Keep going! 

Do not judge and you will not be judged

While I was doing my evening prayer before going to sleep yesterday, I realised what I had sinned during the day. 

It was in the morning that I read about God's words of not to judge others and there, in the afternoon I judged someone - a sis in Christ. I find that when my mom is around, I tend to talk foolishly and without guarding my lips and tongue which is very wrong. The point of bringing up the topic to my mom was that I wanted her to know that we shouldn't take any herbs when we are already sick. We should listen to doctor's advice. 

I was relating the incident that a sis is diagnosed with third stage breast cancer. The fact is, she knew about the cancer when she had it in the first stage but refused to do anything about it. She listened to some direct selling friends and took Ling Zhi, a Chinese herb, which is believed to be able to cure cancer. But after taking it for years, the tumor has enlarged from 3cm to 13cm now! 

Though I was trying to advice my mom, I was also judging the sister for being stubborn. When I was reviewing my speech, I realized I had spoke unkindly about her. I was not her. She was still young. She could have fear from mastectomy and refused to lose a breast. She was looking for other alternative besides mastectomy and chemotherapy. She wished she had made a right decision in preserving what a woman should have - a complete body with two breasts - but who knows the cancer turns monstrous. 

And today, God's words ring again in me. 

"Whatever is true, 

Whatever is right, 

Whatever is noble, 

Whatever is pure, 

Whatever is lovely, 

Whatever is admirable, 

If anything is excellent 

Or praiseworthy, 

Think about such things."

Philippians 4:8

Before speaking again, I should think whether it's true. Never to simply judge before knowing the feelings and conditions of what others are feeling.

The journey of being grateful

Last Saturday I went to church for a talk on depression. It was more of being a support to the speaker because we heard that she was in her final stage of breast cancer and she may die soon. So our attendance might mean something to her. But who knows I was the one who gained insight during the visit. 

So, here I wanted to start my journey of being a grateful person and to let God's love showers me day after day. In the days to come, I shall write about what I am grateful about rather than complaining or condemning. 

Today, after breakfast, I took my Bible to read. The impression of Luke 6: 37 was especially strong in my mind. And what a coincident that when I opened another devotional book and it talked about the same topic! It's the first blessing, reminder and miracle that has happened today. God wanted to remind me that :

Do not judge, and you will not be judged.

Do not condemned, and you will not be condemned.

Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

Give, and it will be given to you.

Oh, how long have I lived my life complaining about this and that. I wish my husband would be this and that and I always said, "Why can't you....?" rather than being a better listener. 

I thank God for letting me know what a complainer I was! 

What if I'm gone today?

I don't understand why boys like playing battle. Maybe it's in them that one day they'll grow to be strong men to protect the weaker ones. However, my son has found the wrong partner - his sister to play with him. I couldn't stop laughing when I hear my daughter said, "Mama, see! Nana (Hannah) die already," while she lay on the floor.

It reminded me of my own faith. Though I have been a full time mother for years, I have been too busy working and constantly looking for freelance writing jobs or jobs I can do from home. I could have done better but I didn't as a mom, a wIfe, a sister in Christ, a neighbour. What if The Lord is to take me away? Or what if Jesus were to come right away? Am I ready to go? 

Our lord Jesus said, "No one knows about that day or hour,...Be on guard! Be alert!" Mark 13: 32. 

More often than not, we are lost in the busyness of daily routines or to work harder for more money. Hence, putting away what God really wants us to do - to minister to His people. And as for me, to minister the children under my care. As the late pastor Adrian Rogers put it, we don't have to be a pastor to minister or preach. We are ministering God's people when we testify Christ in our family, our job, our society, etc. 

"Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."

Matthew 5: 16

YOUR money or MY money?

It was by God's grace that I came upon this book my church's library last Sunday. Here are a few points which I think they're worth sharing. 

1) God designed marriage for us to learn to LOVE and SERVE one another with HUMILITY.

2) Every marriage problem stems from either a failure to leave (leaving the past financially, emotionally and spiritually) and failure to cleave (being ONE with our spouse, just like two pieces of paper which are stuck together - and you can't tear one off without tearing the other)

3) Ephesians 5:33 

Each one of you (husbands) also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (NO MATTER WHAT - whether or not the spouse love/ respect, we must initiate the love and respect first). 

4) What can I do with our finances to be a blessing to my spouse? 

Philippians 2:3-4

....look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. 

5) View the requests by your spouse (or anyone) as an OPPORTUNITY to serve.

6) Wife's role : assist, encourage & respect 

7) Matthew 12: 25

Every household divided against itself will not stand.

8) Communicate :

    1) long term goals - relationship with God

                                  - family & friends 

                                  - service to others 

                                  - career / skills / education 

    2) long term financial goals - giving 

                                                - spending / lifestyle 

                                                - saving & investing 

                                                - debt 

9) Give some, save some, get out of debt with some, spend some and you'll always have some left.

10) Create a spending plan 

11) Use a car for as long as it can go or buy a used car with low mileage. 

12) Pay all the loans 

Psalms 37: 21 

The wicked borrow and do not repay, but the righteous give generously.

This book also includes questionnaires for couples before their marriage. I think this is very helpful. Two thumbs up! I should have read this before I got married. 😬

We come to serve and not to be served

When I was struggling to figure out what to write (because I envisioned that my readers miss my writing 󾰬󾌪󾌪), I thought, maybe writing is just not what God wants me to do and then BOOM BANG BOOM and God gave me so much of inspiration that my mind can't stop working on how to put them into words!

I somehow joined the PIBG whatsapp group of my son's school. At first, I find it a nuisance because my phone can't stop beeping. Some parents left the group. Some remained including me because I don't want to miss anything interesting or important. Though I am not the active lot who join what the group is doing, I have learnt something invaluable from them.

The active members updated us their progress in planning for CNY celebration and what were needed and that they desperately needed volunteers! VOLUNTEERS!

Oh, my! At this fast pace age when everybody is busy with own things and especially looking for extra $$$, volunteering is out of everyone's mind! People would rather sit in the comfort of their home and enjoying their favourite TV program than having a meeting in the school after work.

And today is the day for the open house. We were punctual and I was amazed at the decoration and how the VOLUNTEERS worked in harmony and with joy! Who are they? They are also working adults. They are also parents of kids who are studying. It takes great LOVE and JOY to be able to GIVE out their precious time.

Serving others is one difficult thing to do but that's what Jesus wants us to do.

"The greatest among you shall be your servant"

Matthew 23:11

And what's the reward?

"Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered."

Proverbs 11:25

Besides, if you volunteer and work to help others, you actually live longer! This is proven scientifically and you can google for other health benefits it provide.

Now that we know how important serving is, let's serve with a humble heart to glorify our Father in heaven.

"Let your light shine before men, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven."

Matthew 5:16

New year is a time to receive and give our blessings

I delayed my gratification to write. What am I talking about? I like to write but I don't know whether I should share this because I've always wanted to be humble. Ahem...

Like usual, festive seasons, especially Chinese New Year meant FOOD, and lots of that. We went for meals which cost more than a month of salary for some. I am ever grateful to be the honorable guest and have had the best food which I may not order for life if I were on my own. But while eating, my mind went bizarre with questions. 

"Do we really need to eat these? Do we really need to eat at this restaurant? So expensive? So extravagant?"

I felt I'm crazy. I should enjoy each moment. I like being dressed like a princess and honored but I also truly enjoy being me in my plain T-shirt and shorts and eat at the hawker stalls. 

After all the blessings that we have received, especially Isaac, after receiving a bag of old toy cars from our friends' son, it's time we talked about GIVING. Earlier on, I had packed a bag of old clothes for the welfare home. We sent them over and visited the mentally retarded children in the centre. It's always in me to let Isaac visit the welfare home because when I was small, my mom took me to the orphanage and I wanted this to be carried on to the next generation and so on. 

The lady in charge of the centre took us for a tour and introduced the children to us. There was one child who is born blind and he constantly bit himself. The worker has to tie up his hands and tuck them under his pants to stop him from hurting himself. There were two children with cerebral palsy and they were laid on the beds. The rest of them were "watching" TV. There were a pair of sister and brother which were quite normal looking. In fact, I think they're beautiful. Yet, their parents left them because they have low IQ. It was sad. 

The point of the visit is to make this new year not only a time to receive blessings but also a time to give our blessings to others in need. 

When we were back at home, Isaac helped to pick out the old toys which he didn't play with anymore and which he was reluctant to let go before this. My nephew asked, "Why stingy?" I said, "Poor people are stingy because we are afraid that after we let go, we won't have anymore left for ourselves. But most of the time, we actually lack nothing because God is good. We need constant reminder to be generous." 

And we have Hannah to thank. Recently she likes to listen to a CD which has stories and hymns. There is a story about sharing. Usually we only give to others what we don't want or need. But the actual fact of sharing also means to share even the best of something. It is difficult to do that...but we shall pray. 

May God open up our eyes and let us share even what's still good to us. 

Happy new year to all! 

Setting an example

He was playing with his younger brother in the playroom. 

Me: Kor kor, how old are you?

Boy: I'm am 8.

Me: Oh...this playroom is for kids aged 6 and below. But you can go to the library section to read some books. 

Boy: 😊 (ran away to get his bag. Then, sat beside his parents and took out a book from his bag to read.) 

I was amazed at his obedience. I found complete obedience in him without any struggles. He didn't doubt on what I had said. He also didn't return to the play area which he was forbid to enter. He simply OBEYED. 

His parents? They were the one that cleaned the table after each meal. Quiet, elegant yet shines like the lamp that mentioned in the Bible. I believe this is the type of Christians that God wants us to be: 

"Let your light shine before men, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven."

Matthew 5:16

The parents need not be loud. They just need to shine and be examples for the children to follow. They're my cell group member and today, before we went out for Sunday service, I'd received his whatsapp on today's Daily Bread that he had pondered upon. No wonder the parents are always on guard. They start the day with God's words! I hope that I'm able to talk to them and know them personally one day for they've inspired me to be a better parent. 

Setting an example is not the main means of influencing another, it is the ONLY means.

Albert Einstein

I have dark skin

I was born tanned. My mom said she drank kopi-O when she was pregnant with me. My brother is so much fairer than I do. No doubt, my mom drank fresh milk when she was pregnant with my brother. 

I grew up being called different names - hitam manis, Fatimah or Indonesian maid. And now I have new nicknames - Vietnamese, Burmese or the refugee. 

I grew up not having self-confidence because of my skin colour and plainer than the plain Jane features. I was compared to whoever closed to me and my parents were too busy to realise deep down, I was hurt. I felt lonely and hurt. I didn't understand why people didn't like me. But plastic surgery was out of my mind, still is, because I fear pain more than being judged as plain or not pretty. 

Now, it comes to my children. Both my kids are not fair too. Son should be tanned and stout.  But daughter? Errmm...she's going to face what I have gone through. And my husband knows it too well. I was comforted because he knows what to do when our daughter was ignored by our relatives. He carried her around and made her occupied. We didn't want to let her feel neglected or rejected just because she was not fairer or prettier compared to .....

My son asked, "Why does it matter if we are dark?"

"You don't understand. People don't like people who are dark or not pretty," I said.

"Human look at face. God look at the heart," Isaac uttered. 

"Yes, you're right. It's too bad I don't know God when I was a kid. If I know Jesus, I'm sure I won't feel so desperate and depressed," I snapped. 

"Yes. That's why we have the song, 'Jesus loves the little children,....red and yellow, black and white, all are precious in His sight,....,'" Isaac sang. 

I smiled. I thank God because my kids know Jesus at this tender age. They won't feel unloved even if the people around them choose to ignore them - that's because Jesus loves them as they are! 

My son's first week in school

Last time, it was Thangachini and this time, it was Atilah. My son never fails to surprise me!

Last week was the first week of school for my son who has been registered for Year One. Like all mothers, I was excited as well as nervous. But the school was rather strict. Parents were only allowed to come into the school during the first three days. We have to learn to let go though in our minds, there are still too many things which we think our kids couldn't handle. 

So, with my mom's encouragement, I didn't go to visit my son during recess at all on the third day. He had told me very confidently he knows how to buy food for himself. 

On the fourth day of school, I got the chance to meet with his class teacher after school to say good bye. And his teacher took the opportunity to tell me something which I have expected yet have been praying for it not to happen. 

"He likes to talk. He talks too much. All his classmates have been complaining about him," his teacher said. 

😰😰

I smiled. "Yes. He likes to talk." I warned him in front of his teacher and his teacher said, "Yes. You cannot talk so much. Otherwise, I'll put you in a 'special seating'." 

I smiled and said goodbye to the teacher.

That's my son. It was just the first week and his teacher has changed his seating for three times. Teachers thought that he won't be able to communicate with students from other races but they didn't know that my son is truly 1 Malaysia boy! He can speak to whoever sitting beside him be it an Indian or Malay. 

And today, teacher changed his seating again because he has been talking too much with Atilah. 

Yet he is very happy.

"I've two new friends today!" 

"Oh, that's great! How did you make friends with them? ...??? Teacher changed your place again?" 

"Yes!"

😬😰😰

Belligerent, proud and ignorant young drivers

I live in Setapak and it is very close to TAR COLLEGE. Needless to say, this place has been turned into a city with condos by developers to meet the demands of property investors. Most of the condos here are rented out to students thus, our neighbours are mostly students from other states. I have had very friendly students as my neighbours but that was many years ago. Nowadays, many have grown tired of greeting people and become expressionless. What's worse is - they drive dangerously. Some are simply belligerent and ignorant, ignoring one-way or no entry signs as well as coming out from junctions and expecting you to avoid them. 

I remembered having my first car when I was 25. That was my dad's 20 years old Toyota Corolla. Later on, I bought a second hand Kancil with all my savings and a loan from my dad. A car was something so precious to us, we drive with utmost care. But nowadays, parents give cars, especially new ones to college children. How puffed up these kids are! They speed even in the condo itself! What are they trying to prove? You don't understand. I do hope the parents will examine their kids driving skill before letting them drive out to harm the lives of others.

My son starts his primary one!

My son has started primary one. 󾌥

I was more nervous than he did. Well, I am always the nervous type. Afraid of being late to school, afraid of getting stuck in the jam, afraid of this and that...

Isaac on the other hand, is a happy go lucky person. After the first day, he came back telling me, "Teacher said, tomorrow all parents cannot sit in the canteen. You all should go far far away to see us eat only."

Me: So, I don't need to go to school to see you? Are you sure you know how to buy food?

Isaac: Yes la.

Yet, today my mom and I went to school and waited till his recess time. When he saw us, he asked us to go far far away. Then he lined up to buy food. When we reappeared, he quickly hid the junk food he had bought under the table. My mom assured him that I won't scold him for buying junk food. Then only he took it out to eat. What a boy! 

I was mad when I saw him buying junk food. What a waste of money! But my mom said that I have been too strict with him and that makes him wanting to hide whatever "secrets" from me and that's dangerous. 󾍂 

My mom said she never controlled what my brother and I bought to eat when we were kids. Why do that to my son? He needs to have his childhood memory of "junk food" before accepting that they are just junk. Haiii...quite true. I don't eat junk food now. I've had my share when I was a kid and now, I hate junk food. They just make you look horrible with lots of colouring! 󾌿

Maybe I should let go a bit...a bit only. 󾌵