I don't understand my exhaustion. I feel dizzy at times, nausea at times and exhausted most of the time almost every day since Monday. OK, exhaustion aside, I keep my reading up to date so I won't miss a day. I want a real change in me.
1) Today, however, I felt extremely agitated but thank God I was able to guard my lips from lashing at my mom's sarcastic comment, "Keep the bill and claim it from your husband."
Kao Fu came today after his visit to Selayang Hospital. He's always kind enough to drop off packets of "Chee Cheong Fun" because he knows my husband loves it. So, how could I let him leave going hungry? And by my mom's suggestion, we headed to Tea Garden after sending Isaac to UCMAS training class. The bill came up to RM43. My mom wasn't grateful at all but gave sarcastic remarks. If that's not all, she thinks I'm rich to have extras all the time. I really wanted to tell her in her face that I only have another hundred ringgit to survive for this and next week but I didn't. I'm blessed for not lashing at her or I'll lose a testimony.
2) I don't understand why men are so dependent! Be it my little man Isaac or his father, they're just so lazy to look for what they want but ASK and expect you to find it for them. Isaac called out,"Mama, where is my chicken bag?" even before he REALLY look for it. Then when we were back from church, my husband asked, "Eii..ei..." when he was looking for the umbrella he had put into the bag earlier on. It was there but they just had to make some remarks or ask for help. Such lazy bum! But I had to swallow this because today's reading taught me to "treat my husband like a real man". I should respect him and resist to taunt him with hurtful comments such as this. Huh!!?!
3) My husband said he was tired after dinner and doubted whether he could stay awake during sermon. But after church, he had his supper while watching TV and he won't be in bed till midnight. Sometimes I feel whether I should believe in his "I'm tired" statement. It seems like all the exhaustion can be "cured" by watching TV.
4) I don't understand why mom wanted to follow us to the church. Her heart is so hard, I feel she's a spy or something like that. She told me she wanted to understand more before accepting Christ but the fact from the conversation I had with her, she still believe that she'll become crazy once she accepted Christ. And that's impossible if she had the right kind of faith. And what she spoke just made me feel even lousier.
After all the Lamentations come counting the blessings.
1) When I was folding the clothes, I was amazed at how many clothes my kids have! Their clothes can last for a month without any washing to be done! And I always felt grateful when Isaac was three. He was lack of pajamas pants. I wished someone would give him some so I don't have to buy. And God heard my prayers. Someone did. And the pants exceeded what I was hoping to get. It's an abundant blessing!
2) Well, this month I was really on a tight budget. I don't know why. I never counted how much I had previously but I always had money to save. In contrast, this month I wrote down what I had to spend and then, I was panicked and I really don't have much left. I just have another hundred plus to last for this weekend and next week. But I need to thank God because I'm not lacking. I still have a hundred to spend.
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