Day 1: Spiritual warfare

I woke up feeling exhausted. I wondered how people survive with 6 hours of sleep yet being productive. My mind just couldn't sleep in peace and money was the culprit. We are not lacking anything but it's always at "making ends meet" condition which I don't feel secure. My mind would not stop generating ideas to make money and that's how I got lost in the dreams of getting more money and losing my children and myself! Such clever trick. I felt like I was possessed by the Money Devil. I renounced it in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. How could one serves two masters? I was serving Money all the while subconsciously all this while!

Though I got the chance to read the Bible after so many months of idleness, I felt lousy and down almost the whole day. And Satan is always at the doorstep when I'm lack of sleep. My mom asked me to visit her house because she had bread for my children. I don't like going to her house because she has so many idols, talismans and whatever that is to make her feel "secured". And these things aren't just dead. Devils are lurking behind all these and are awaiting for chances to pounce on us, especially, Christian and me- a weak Christian.

Long story cut short, I was brought up in a Chinese temple with tens of idols. My paternal grandma was a medium. I was once such a proud child because people came from near and far to pay visit and respect to the idols in the house that I lived in. However, fear was there no matter how many times I prayed to these gods or how many talismans I had in my purse. It's just simply scary to even go out to the toilet at night because tens of idols would be staring at me. And what's more, my mom, a devotee got attack from black magic and these so called gods were helpless! She had to find some other medium, who had higher knowledge in the dark art to save her. That's when I no longer felt proud of my gods. There was always a question in my heart: Why can't the god I pray save me? Then who else can? I'm going to believe in that god. That's how I came to accept Christ as my savior because He is omnipotent and in Him, nothing is impossible. 

Fast forward 10 years after accepting Christ, my life isn't a bed of roses. And the Devil is persistent in tempting and hurting me in any way he could think of. First, through my mom. And now, through my son. Today, he lost control and for the first time, he spat at me. I slapped him instantly. I told him how disappointed I was but tried to keep calm, knowing very well that it's in the Devil's plan. My son cried and apologized. I hugged him and told him that he had just lost a battle but it is ok. We must go back to God - always. 

In the afternoon, we argued about the spoilt stickers and I sent him to stand at a corner. He felt so angry and could not stop screaming, punching and kicking the air. It was at its peak when he started to move closer to me and I knew it very well he was going to take advantage of that to beat me. I asked him to go back to his corner and he hurled, "you're bad guy! You're bad!" Satan definitely knows me very well. I don't like to be called bad and I would get really mad. But today, things were different because I put God first. I prayed and asked God for strength and patience to handle my son. And thank God, I would give myself a thumb up for handling it well. I didn't not raise the cane upon him today though he was belligerent! 

But I was sad, I lost my temper when my baby daughter was crying when I was cooking. Why can't I keep cool? I should have kept God's verses in my brain at all time. Alas! Not a moment should we let loose or we'll lose the battle. 

Tomorrow's a new day and I should be doing better, Amen.