Christmas

Yesterday was Christmas. It was a long awaited moment to exchange presents with friends in the church. After two days (Christmas eve and Christmas day) of labouring with two big bags of presents to give out to the friends, we came home with one big bag of presents from others.

It was a moment of excitement tearing up one after another of wrapping paper. But the moment of knowing what was inside brought frown to my face. I would go, "Oh, not again?!" or "Why this??" I told my husband that we gave out more presents than we received. And what's more? The presents we received were not what we needed. My husband did not reply.

Before bed, I went to Jesus and said, "Oh, God. Please forgive me for forgetting what Christmas is all about. It's about You. It's about the birth of Jesus. Jesus is supposed to be the star of the day but we have put so much of emphasis on the presents to give and receive that we forgot about Jesus altogether. It was a shame! How wrong was I! Jesus is the best gift and He did not even ask anything in return."

Reflecting upon that, I saw myself as a little girl. Since young, I felt unloved. I am dark-skinned compared to other Chinese girls. What's more when I have single eye lids with uneven teeth. I envied people who get good gifts while I got mugs for every birthday. I didn't understand why my friends did not give me what I "wanted". I've always blamed that on my looks. I grow up with those thoughts in my mind and they will surface during each festive to create emotional swing in me. It is good that this Christmas God has opened up my eyes to see how 'a little girl' I was and it is time to move on to be a mother, a wife and someone with a motherly heart to love unconditionally. 

No matter how I look like or what I receive for Christmas, it is Jesus that matters. He shows me who I actually am and is able to change me. Thank you, Jesus. If possible, may I get another baby as my next Christmas present? Hehe....

Hand Foot and Mouth Disease (HFMD)

First it was a blister on his lower lip and next, he refused to eat anything at all. A look by his teacher at the playschool and I was asked to take my son to the doctor. The doctor confirmed my son to have Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease (HFMD) and said there would be more cases from the same playschool as parents lack knowledge on this issue.

When I just got married, I was ignorant about HFMD and brushed it off each time I came across it as it had nothing to do with me. All I knew was that it would be a painful ride for the child who contracted it. Besides that, I knew nothing about Coxsakie, another name used in Western countries for the same disease.

This time, however, I beg to differ. I need more information. There really were many contracted with this disease due to ignorance and - selfishness from parents who know it is contagious yet left their children at the playschool.

A surf in the world wide web gives me a lot of information about HFMD. So, what is HFMD? It is an illness characterised by fever, sores in the mouth, and a rash with blisters. The rash does not itch, so don’t expect your child to scratch it to tell you he/she has HFMD. Constant notices of baby’s palms and feet, as well as their appetite and body temperature help to have an early detection. The most common cause of HFMD is coxsakievirus A16.

As HFMD is caused by viruses, it is contagious through direct contact with the saliva, stool and blister fluid of the infected persons. The most contagious period is during the first week of the illness. Although the most common people who get infected with this disease are children aged 10 or below, adults may get infected too. Pregnant mothers may pass on the disease to the newborns and cause complications such as developmental and other defects in the foetus.

There is no special treatment for the disease. A visit to the locum confirmed that doctor only gives paracetamol and painkiller to reduce fever and discomfort for the patients. At the time of illness, patients’ fluid intake is vital as one may not be able to take in any food. Constant sponging the head of the infected helps to reduce his temperature too. The disease will resolve around 10 to 12 days but may still spread infectious virus for weeks.

A major preventive measure parents can take is to stop sending their children to school for the time being until the children fully recover. Secondly, the items used by the infected person should be disinfected constantly to avoid leaving any infectious fluid on them. Thirdly, a strict hygienic routine should be followed such as washing the hands after each change of diaper or touching on the skin of the infected persons.

 

References

http://www.babycenter.com.my/a1614/hand-foot-and-mouth-disease-hfmd

http://jknns.moh.gov.my

http://www.medicinenet.com/coxsackie_virus/article.htm#what_is_coxsackie_virus

http://www.parents.com/baby/health/other-issues/coxsackie-virus-facts/

http://www.sarawak.health.gov.my/hfmd.htm

 

 

Viral infection can be prevented with a little consideration towards others

Recently my son contracted hand, foot and mouth disease (HFMD). There was no point starting the blame game but it all started with one child, whose parents knew about their child’s condition, yet left him in the playschool and let the virus spread among his friends. It was plain selfish. My son and my friend’s daughter were infected too. And I advised my friend not to bring her daughter to an event because her daughter needs to be quarantined for at least one week to ensure she is fine before going to public places, especially getting in contact with other kids. She replied me with, “My husband said she is fine.” I was overwhelmed by her answer. How could parents be so selfish? They think that there is little chance of passing on the sickness to someone else and when it really does, they do not feel guilty at all? What have become of our society and mentality? Aren’t other people’s children, children too? Don’t we feel pain when our children are hurt, going foodless for days and yet we want other children to feel that pain too? Here I would like to plead to parents out there to not let your children join any function when they are sick. Hand, foot and mouth disease is infectious, just like chicken pox and tuberculosis. It can be prevented with a little consideration towards others, with a little time spent at home with the children and not to expose them to the public. When I visited the doctor, he said our country has more such cases compared to Westerners. This is because Westerners take other people into consideration and do not wish the virus spread to others. As a well-informed society, let us go to the next level, the level of not only thinking for ourselves but others too. Children around the world are the same – they feel pain the same way your children do. 

Hand foot and mouth disease (Kosaki)

My son is down with Kosaki or better known locally as hand, foot and mouth disease AGAIN! He had it last year end and it was a full year after that that he has it again now...

Last year, when I was told by my son's teacher that she suspected something, I was alarmed. I didn't know much about Kosaki and all I knew was that it would be a tough ride for both my son and I. The doctor prescribed my son antibiotics, paracetamol and painkiller. Thank God, it was easy last year. My son was easily duped into believing the white antibiotics was vanilla icecream and took them punctually. He did not go through pain or foodless days. 

This year, however, we went to another doctor. Well, frankly, I don't like antibiotics and I was saying, "Yipee! This doc didn't prescribe antibiotics." Doc said Kosaki is a viral infection and has nothing to do with bacteria. So, antibiotics is not needed. On the third day after contracting Kosaki, my son lost his appetite TOTALLY! He was not eating anything and kept throwing tantrum because the ulcers in his mouth hurt him so much. I could feel the pain too. I bought him coconut juice everyday and gave him watermelon. Those did not cool him down. On the fourth day, he started to have fever, reaching 39.1 degree  Celcius and started to feel dizzy most of time, wanting to sleep. My mom urged us to bring my son to another doctor and get a second opinion. 

We rushed our son to Hospital Selayang and was posted to the Fever Centre. Within half an hour, we had seen the doctor and my son's blood was requested to check whether antibiotics is needed. Thank God, it was fast and the doctor said that my son's blood showed there was higher white blood cells and that indicated bacteria infection. So, my son needed antibiotics. That very evening we gave him the first dose of antibiotics and the next day, he was jumping up and down and taking his three meals like usual! 

I wonder whether it was my tenacity of rejecting antibiotics that has caused much pain to my son or was it just the timing problem? 

What is a child?

Children are born not knowing anything. They came to the world and we teach and coach them to do things. Hence, as adults, we tend to think that we are much cleverer than children. However, children are our conscience teachers! They are pure at heart and motiveless unlike adults who have hidden agenda.

Besides, children's characters are tender.
They can be moulded and shaped according to our teachings. There is a Chinese saying which sounds like: How a child is at the age of 3 will determine what he will be at the age of 80. This means that the moulding period starts at the age of 0 up to the age of 3. Some statistics show that it ends at the age of 2 instead. This shows how crucial it is for parents to be aware of the importance of the impartation of knowledge and example for their children. So, do we give up moulding them after the age of 2? It should not be. There's nothing too difficult for the Lord to do. We should always believe bad characters can be changed if we have faith in our loving Jesus Christ for He is love. He loves us and our children and wants us to be like Him. He will teach us. 

Education should not stop at any moment of our lives nor our children's. 

Did you give birth to a child or a person?

Here, I would like to continue to share the book I am reading, Wei Ren Fu Mu, Wei Ren Shi Biao by Rev. Dr. Stephen Tong.

Did you give birth to a child or a person? You might say, "What? A child is a person and that person is my child. So, what's the difference?"

If parents always treat their children as children, then they are denying the children the opportunity to grow. We should treat the children as individuals, each has his/her own choices, preferences, uniqueness just like an adult. Let them the space to grow. Have we forgotten that we were once children?

Great people like John Wesley, Martin Luther or even Adolf Hitler were once children. It was how they were treat when they were children that shaped them to be what we knew them to be!

My story: The other day in my friend's sister wedding dinner, Isaac ran around the hall and disappeared behind some pillars. Daddy was anxious and went looking for him. When Isaac saw Daddy, he knew he had done something wrong. He had not kept his promise to stay close to us. Instead, he ran out of the boundary. Daddy asked, "What have you done?" Isaac started to cry loudly. It was embarrassing for both the adult and child.

Reminder: If we treat our children as individuals, we'll respect them. In the situation above, the father should have brought Isaac to a quieter place, just the two of them, to have a talk (car, toilet, meeting room, etc).

Stay tune!

Why has my child turned bad all of a sudden?

My son's teacher, Lydia, or my sis in Christ lent me a book by Reverend Dr. Stephen Tong. It is written in Chinese and I have to read it slowly, very slowly to understand it. And probably reading slowly does help to punch in the words into my mind. 

"Why has my child turned bad all of a sudden?" he said a parent asked. 

The parent should examine himself / herself. 

A child does not turn bad 'all of a sudden'. It was the parent who did not take notice of the changes in his/her child. 

Hence, parents are advised to be alert and conscious about their children's behaviour every now and then and not wait till something has happened and blamed it on someone or even God. That is irresponsible. 

It's a good lesson for me and hopefully for you too...It'll be zero quality time when a mother / father is typing away with the computer while the son shares the same room playing all by himself. It's zero quality time when a son types away with the computer when the father reads the newspaper. Take notice of your child every new behaviour now and stop him from turning bad. 

I'll continue to share the key points of the book in my next posts. 

Till then, God bless!

In loving memory of my dad

“Dad, I’ve made it!” I muttered. There was no reply. How I wish he was here on the day of my convocation for my Master degree. If only he were here, he would have attended my convocation and I would not have felt ‘alone’ in the hall throughout the ceremony. How I wanted to cry and how much I’ve cried. “Dad, I knew you can see me in heaven and may that be. I know you’ll be proud of me.”

Dad and Mom married at young ages. The marriage proposal was made when my grandfather was at his ill bed and Chinese believe that marriage can help boost an old person’s health, so my parents were married. Dad was immature and his play time had not ended. After all, he had a good mother to look after our food and clothes and what’s more to worry about? He never forgets to bring us out every weekend to one of the best beaches like Port Dickson and Morib and the then popular water theme park, Mimaland. However, when grandmother passed away, Dad was jolted from his slumberland and was pressured to work hard to earn a living for his own family. Working day and night, father-children relationship began to drift further and further apart. Communication was at the least! We woke up not seeing Dad and we went to sleep without any sign of him.

Dad missed a lot of our growing up. He did not know when I got my best Art stream student award in the school. He did not know when I cried and almost committed suicide for being bullied in the school. He did not know when I was betrayed. He did not know me! It did not help when we got to know that he had a mistress. Although he did not admit it, we knew it. The cracks went deeper.

During my varsity years, Dad had a tremendous change. He took the effort to take me to my varsity in Kedah every new semester and helped me to carry all my stuffs to the allocated room. He called me almost every night to find out what I was doing and whether I could cope with the ‘jungle’ life. When I graduated, he drove me everywhere for interviews. Happy days returned.

Things were fine not for long…Dad was diagnosed with liver cancer. It was the third stage and within a month, he was in the fourth stage and almost all the doctors we met gave up on his case. Within those six months of being ill, I saw great changes in Dad. He religiously went to church with me every Sunday. I would never forget those two questions that he asked and have touched me deeply. One was, “I’ve done so many bad things…Will Jesus forgive me?” I held his hand and assured him, “Yes, He will.” Another question he asked was, “Daughter, were you angry when I did not let you further your study in Australia as promised?” Deep down I wanted to say, “I was. I was extremely disappointed the moment I knew I could not go to Australia because all the money was to be spent on my brother for his three years of education in Australia rather than one as planned. I was disheartened why I was to be sacrificed.” But could I tell this dying man, my dear Dad that way? No! I told him, “It’s OK. I’ve made it to local university. I’ve forgiven you.”

Dad, I have forgiven you long ago on whatever you have done to us or to me. In fact, I have always missed you. With you, I was always a little girl. I liked to confide in you because you always gave me confidence. How I wish you were for my graduation! In loving memory of your 5^th anniversary, Dad. I miss you. 

Lost

Life can be so meaningless when one lost the directions. Even though I've heard talks about having aims and objectives in life, I could not have one in mine. What is wrong? Probably I'm going to have my menses again. Aha! I always have the 'lost' feeling before my menses - what people call PMS. 

PMS aside, I'm lost because most of the time I do not know why I am here on earth and what I should be doing next. For all these while, I've been living a life of, "it's here, so face it." I could still remember when it's time to make decision on what course I should be taking after my Form 5 (SPM). I did not know. I went searching for courses with friends in colleges and when I was offered Form 6 (STPM), I accepted it immediately because my three closest friends were going to the same school too. Then, when it was time to apply for varsity, I was lost again - waiting for my friends to give me an answer. Why was I always lost in the crowd? To me, I was following the bandwagon. I don't have aims. I don't have objectives. I don't have things to achieve. All I know is, when it's time to face it, I'll face it. Otherwise, don't bother me. I can't make decisions. I feel like a loser. 

Does it have something to do with my past? I've been delaying on seeking help from professional counsellor. I was thinking probably I could step out of it. I thought I was this way because I am free. Yes, when I'm busy I won't be able to 'think' what is my aim in life. Why bother? just move on and dress up, send the kid to school, read something, cook, eat, window shopping with family and life goes on. Is that so? 

My life is draining away without one crucial point - Why am I here for? What should I do next? 

I'm thinking of having another baby - for my son. ???

I'm lost...again?

It was a long long time that we decided to move out of my parents' house to a house which we can call a 'home'. It was a painful experience to live with my mom after my marriage as there are always collisions and differences in ideas between my husband and her or my mom and I. And frankly, why do people like to attack Christians so much? Are Christians the weaker part and more easily to be bullied? Each time when an argument erupts, my mom would pinpoint on our faith and question whether our God allows our actions. At times I think I am so much a victim and cry endlessly. I was hoping to hug Jesus and ask Him why He had allowed that to happen - a member of family to hurt and despise us. Some other time I think there could be a great plan behind all these, yes, Jesus might want me to learn something out of this. Imagine collisions between two durians - won't some of the thorns broke and some other become flat? I think that's the point of the subject. I learn to dismiss some hurtful and mean comments and move on. After all, I can't go taping up my mom's mouth to stop her from talking hurtful things. 

And when I thought that we've finally decided to move to an entirely new town, I'm lost again. My son's lungs are weak and for the last three weeks till present, he has been coughing! The house that we planned to view in August is just beside a busy road and next to the supermarket. In the long run, it will do more harm to my son and I don't want that to happen. And when I told my husband my thought, he was angry and asked, "I just don't know what you want." I also do not know...He did not want to move to the house we've bought because we have good rent. He wanted to keep the houses for rent and buy another house which requires me to work full timely. What a selfish desire? How much is enough? RM1,000,000 will be nothing if I were dead by tomorrow but it might not be enough if I lived through 100 years old. What are people chasing after these days? What is my husband chasing? One house after another? 

Jesus, please reveal where You want me to go for it is too disappointing to wait further...but may Your will be done. 

Lost of confidence

My friends have introduced me to home school some time ago and from time to time, her husband and herself would give me some additional info about homeschooling. 

Recently, they shared their vision on starting a homeschool. I can see their commitment in buying up a new premises and the urge to look for more relevant information and seeking help in setting up the school. My friend's husband has asked me to pray for a vision and whether I can join their force to be one of their teachers. 

I am still unsure. I'm unsure of so many things. I'm still praying to God for guidance on what I should be doing...I am lack of confidence. Although I know how to speak in English, my words would get tangled up when someone else is there. I feel pressure because I am always thinking that people are there to nit-picking on my lack of proficiency. 

Only God knows how to heal my childhood wounds of condemnation and lack of praises. And only God knows how to make me well again...

Bersih 3.0

Bersih 3.0 rally was held last Saturday, 28 April 2012. Although it happened two days ago, many are still talking about it and I believe the news will not die out in another one or two months time. 

I was not there because I went to China with my family for a holiday. Many of my friends went there and really enjoyed the participation. They told me it was a peaceful act of calling for a clean governance. And on that day, no one acted harsh. However, newspapers reported otherwise. 

How can we believe the local newspapers today? They are parts of government's agents! 

Which do you believe? Those who actually attended the rally or the news reported in the newspapers?

It's individual choice. I chose to believe my friends. 

God plans the best

Last week I was so tensed and pressured because my son did not perform well during the rehearsal. The bride-to-be was worried how it would turn out on her wedding day. She wanted it to be memorable and beautiful. I think no bride would want her page boys and flower girls to cry or refuse to walk down the aisle when the beautiful wedding music is playing.

I prayed and prayed. I had a range of plans on the day of the wedding - to wake my boy up at 6.30am and let him take a nap at 11am so that by 3.30pm when the wedding starts, he would have had enough of rest and perform.

But on that day, he woke at 8am. I brought him to the market and then to the lake to get a few ride on the horses. I wanted to make him exhausted. Then we went to buy rubber dinosaurs for him to play. By the time we were back, it was already 11.30am. I let him took bath and then fed him and sent him to bed. But he refused to sleep. We had no choice since time was running out. By 2pm, we set to leave the house and he slept in the car. When we reached church around 20minutes later, he woke up, feeling afresh with good mood.

Thank God, the wedding went well, especially the moment we were waiting for...Whatever human planned, it was just a plan. Whatever that God plans will become a fact and turns out to be the most beautiful blessing of all!

Read, read and read

Read, read and read. That's the only thing I can say in getting a knowledgeable child. I read to my child anything we come across, be it a book, magazine, newspaper, pamphlet, flyers, menu, comic, etc. You name it, everything that is pure and good and beneficial, I will want to read to my son and let him know more about that genre. 

Once a person reads a lot, he/she will learn a lot and be more mature in thinking. When they enter preschool, parents would have lesser burden in enforcing reading habit. 

Reading has so many benefits. It helps the child to understand a matter with different perspectives. It also helps the child to write well. 

When I asked my brother, "How can you write so well?" 

He said, "I don't know. It's in me." 

Yes. It's through years of reading. So, parents, let's start reading to your children today! 

Nurturing reading habit

Have you ever read a book to your children? Ok, I'm asking Asian parents. I understand very well that reading to children is in the culture of the Westerners but not as much for the Asians. 

When my friend first told me to read to my foetus, I was like, "Urgh?! Read to him when he was not born yet?" My friend told  me that though foetus could not see what we were reading, he/she could hear us and viola, her sons remembered the stories told to them when they were just foetus. Is that true? 

I tried reading to my son when he was just 5 months old in my tummy and I felt bored. I felt like I was talking to a wall! I would rather spend time watching TV than reading, "A for Apple" to an unborn. So, I gave up and only read once in a long long while. 

When my son was born, I thought he would be too young to understand anything and hence, delayed reading to him again. Once when we went back to my husband's hometown in Johor, my sister-in-law advised me to read to my son as early as possible. She has a very good example - her son, who loves books more than anything else. It was awesome to watch that boy reading book after book. So, without any delay, I started to read to my son when he was four months old. I read to him whenever I was breastfeeding him. It felt good. He listened attentively. I bought simple books with short sentences and big pictures. 

Now, I thank God because my son answers most of the questions asked by his teachers. I thank God that I read to him early. I thank God when teachers came to me and said, "Your son knows a lot! You must have taught him well." I thank God that my son will pick a book and read by himself. I thank God for everything! 

I am one proud mother when my son would pick a book and sit down to read all by himself. 

Teh Tarik Junction: Nurturing reading habit

Teh Tarik Junction: Nurturing reading habit: Have you ever read a book to your children? Ok, I'm asking Asian parents. I understand very well that reading to children is in the culture o...

Appreciate every moment spent with the child

For the past one week, my son stayed at home throughout the day because he could not do any heavy stuffs like jumping in the trampoline in the school. Then, I remembered how I feared him and was so exhausted taking care of him for the past 2 years. With tears, anger, frustration and guilt, I went through the past 2 years and am still keep searching for an answer. 

When he was born, the family was so excited. But this baby was so different. (OK, every baby is different). He wanted people to carry him ALL THE WHILE, even at home. So, even when we were at home, we would have to carry him and walk around the house. How I wish he could learn to crawl and I could let him crawl more and no more carrying. But then, when we were outside, floors are dirty and it's not good to crawl. So, carry him again. And how I wish he could learn to walk and so I can stop carrying him. But when he starts to walk, he is fast and he started to run away dangerously which make us carry him. 

Children grow fast. Appreciate every moment. Although I thought I've spent much time instilling a good reading habit in him, I lost the most important thing - patience and discipline. 

Oh, what ending is it?!?

I just finished watching a Chinese love story involving three parties - two gorgeous guys and one pretty woman. One of the guys is my favourite actor, Louis Koo Tin Lok. As an obedient audience I followed every scene diligently and ahem, as the Director of perfecto, I never guessed the ending of a drama wrongly. But I was wrong this time! Arrgghhh! 

The storyline goes like this, Louis Koo met a woman, Yan Yee and tried all sorts of things to date her. When he got her a date, he ended up in bed with another woman. Years later, they worked in the same office and he wanted to date her again. Later on, she realised that he went to bed with another woman the day of their date. So, she rejected him. She wanted someone loyal, not a playboy which the role Louis Koo played was. 

At that time, she met the guy whom she saw few years back. He was an architect or engineer who drew and was building a skyscrapper building following Yan Yee's shadow. Oh, how romantic! 

Louis Koo found that he had no love for one-night-stand anymore and went to look for Yan Yee. He found her in the restaurant with the other guy and his parents. So, he went to the opposite building and painted  "Marry Me" on a cloth and pull it over like a banner across the building. It was a touching scene. At the same time, the other guy came with a ring, knelt down and display a big 'MARRY ME' through the lightings in the opposite building. Oh, that was even more romantic! How could anyone resist that??? Deep down I wanted the heroin to accept the engineer who was more loyal and honest but I thought she would choose Louis Koo. In fact, I thought the girl would say, "I'm sorry" and left but she didn't. She held her hand forward to the engineer to put in the ring. And Louis Koo waved goodbye and said he's going back to earth to be 'him' again - a playboy in nature. 

Every story has an ending. What others decide, we can't do anything. But we can always decide on the ending we want for ourselves. Isn't life a stage-show? How would you want your story to end? 

Being humble provides us knowledge

How often do we admit our fault and say we are sorry? Even my 3 year-old son would not admit his fault immediately! He would run away when I demanded an apology. Thank God, after some quiet time (around 30 seconds), he would come running back to me and apologise. 

When we look back, we might think it's not so difficult to be humble. But when we are there and then, we are reluctant to admit our fault. We take every critics and feedbacks as personal attack. We would then block out all other kind of opinions and suggestions and finally come up with excuses that we are indeed the 'right' one. 

Recently, I was faced with a difficult person and was so disappointed with her attitude of turning the gun point at us when we felt she was the one who need to change. How I wanted to get the words straight into her face that being humble brings you no harm. In fact, it gives you more knowledge. And the more knowledge you get, the more humble you'll be and the cycle would go on and on. 

Humble doesn't mean taking nonsense into account. It means the willingness to respect and consider the feelings and opinions of others as probably they might be in the right position. Humble means thinking everyone else as greater than us. Humble means the willingness to put down the self, ask and learn from others. 

The world is so big and we are just tiny weeny bits which are here today and gone tomorrow. It is difficult to swallow up one's pride but come think about the abundant joy in learning and acquiring knowledge when we are humble, don't it worth the while to let go of "I"? 

How corporal punishment (CP) is used?

I've been looking everywhere for books which advise people to use corporal punishment (CP) but I could find almost none in the market. Yes, the world is going towards nurturing with love. Love means having the patience to talk nicely and yes, let the boys and girls retaliate as they like and yes, continue to talk nicely and so on...

Blah blah blah...You'll find a lot of books in the market encouraging parents to use LOVE in educating their children and very few books or none at all talking about the use of CP. But from the research I read, people around the world are still using CP to an extend of abusing it! And yes, now, CP and abuse are two totally different things. 

CP should be:

1) used only as the LAST resort - when warnings are given and yet the child didn't learn from his/her mistake and heed the warnings. 

2) used with an instrument such as a cane or stick is used

3) only one or two strikes on the palm and not anywhere else (which the pain is bearable for the child)

4) followed by explanations on why it is used. 

5) used only when the parents/guardians or caretakers are in a calm mood so not to cause any injury to the child. 

6) used with wisdom

Corporal Punishment vs Nurturing with Love

Frankly, I don't see the difference between corporal punishment (CP) and nurturing with love. The current trend is that we should use LOVE - talk gently and nicely to the children and not touch them a single hair. I don't know what others think, but I think CP and LOVE are interrelated.

Take for example, I LOVE my son and so I will use CP when it is necessary. Look, necessary means I don't have to use CP at all when he did not cross certain borders. The borders are the ground rules as mentioned in my previous post.

Rule No. 1 - Do not fight or hurt others. When he does that, he'll have to face a disciplinary session which is a strike on his palm with a cane or stick.

Why use a cane or stick? It is important to use an instrument when incorporating CP because it tells the child that when they are naughty, the cane will be used. It's something like the Pavlov's experiment - bell, food and saliva and in this case, fighting, discipline, cane. When they are hostile, they will need to be removed from their friends and face CP.

Hands are not to be used to discipline a child because hands are used to do so many other things. We need to let the child know that hands are used to open the door, wash the dishes, cook, etc and MOST OF ALL, to hug and carry the child. This also reinforce the ideology that the child should not use his/her hands to hurt others.

Of course, some people might argue that using CP will only give positive reinforcement for the child to be more violent. The fact is that, after reading so many articles, I found that there is no absolute reason for not using CP when the parents / teachers know that CP is used out of LOVE for the child. Only someone who loves the child will not want the child to be one spoilt rotten brat.

A Chinese proverb goes, "Beaten on the child's flesh but the ache felt by the mother."

Whose mother would willingly let her child be beaten up? But wouldn't it be better for the child to be beaten and taught now when they are still young rather than being beaten in the jail later in their lives? 

If you think using CP means lashing out at the kid like one insane person, then you get me wrong. When used appropriately, CP has a positive effect because we do it out of love to discipline the child and absolutely not out of anger. And after executing CP, we should always let the child know that we still love him/her the same. Give them hugs and kisses and go on with daily activities. Condemn the behaviour not the person.

One interesting website on why CP should be used is as follow:
Corporal punishment needed in American schools

It's expensive. Don't buy lah!

Recently, I'm very fond of picture books because of the help I could get. My son likes the book, "Elmo loves you." There is one page saying, "Kids love toys," and I twisted the meaning a little. I told my son:

"Look! The baby wants a bear and the Mommy said, "You've so many soft toys at home. Let's not buy it. And the sister wants a doll. The Mommy said, "Let's look at the price. Oh Wow! It's expensive. Let's not buy it.' And look at them, they did not cry. So, Baby have to be good and not cry when Mama didn't buy you toys.

My boy nodded and the pictures have surely internalised into him. The story works miraculously and he never lament or throw tantrum when I refuse to buy him toys.

And now, last Tuesday, we were in Tesco and I was browsing at the ovens, my son said, "It's expensive la. Don't buy. At home got already lah."

What should I say?

I called my friend to check the price of ovens. She told me the next day was Jusco members' day. So, I bought a new oven the next day with cheaper price when my son was attending school. WA HAHA HA!

Setting ground rules

To be able to persist and be firm on something, parents should first set ground rules for the kids. 

Ground rules are not meant to be altered or change when one feels like it. So, parents have to be consistent with their rules. 

For example, the first rule in the Montessori my son attends is, not to fight or to hurt anyone. When this happens, the teacher will say, "STOP!" and immediately remove the children involved to a room. She would first tell them, "Kicking at people is not good. It hurts others. Now, this is the first warning. If I see this happen again, I'll have to discipline you."

Research shows that children start to understand cause and effect as young as at age 3. So, parents should first let the children know what are the ground rules and what will happen if they break the rules. Well, you would ask, "What about setting rules with children younger than 3?" 

Yea, I've those queries too. But the fact is children will get familiar with something when we keep repeating to them. That's how we learn our ABC and 123 right? As long as we have the patience and passion to build the children's character and repeat to them what is right and what is wrong, a child could not go wrong. 

Parents should be firm yet gentle

"Oh, I don't know how to be a mother!" Sometimes I heard myself saying that.

My son is one mischievous lot. When I saw my friend's son could sit down and play quietly, I wondered what is wrong with my son! 

What I learned from the Montessori teacher and also a friend of mine is that I should be firm with my decision. I should not give in no matter how my son whine or cry or throw his tantrum. I know it sounds easy but when it comes to practising it, life could be upside down. Ignoring a child's tantrum is one thing but making him stop the tantrum as well as learning that tantrum does not solve problem is rather a tough task. It takes patience and consistency. 

For example, whenever I asked my son to go to the toilet (yes, he needs to be reminded to pee), he would refuse to and started to stamp his feet. I should say something like, "I think there's an Ultraman in the toilet. Maybe we should check it out." I'll think of ways to lure him to the toilet and yes, I don't stop talking. Talking and distracting him from the whining help to calm him down as well as completing the task in hand. 

Being firm means not giving in. We are adults and should know what is best for the kids. Since we think something is the best for them, we should insist on it and not giving in to them simply because they throw a big tantrum. 

Being gentle means we give reminder on how they should behave (not by kicking, crying, whining, etc). It also means that when they whine and throw a big fit, we don't smack or get angry at them easily. 

I think the method is starting to work within me and my son. I'm having two whine-free days from my son. Keep the fingers crossed!

My son is aggressive!!!

Finally, I've finished off my thesis with a great relief!

And now, for the morning session while my son attends playschool, I'll be sitting in my friend's hubby's office, reading through journal articles on parenting.

Yea, I'm bored to death at times because I just do not know what to do with my time. But the more I read the articles, the more I feel like doing a research myself on the topic of parenting aggressive children.

My son, a two year and five months old child, would throw tantrum whenever things don't go his way and he is extremely hostile and impulsive. He is hostile because he simply attack the other children if they try to grab his toys. Of course, it is a way to protect himself, but as parents, who don't feel embarrassed when our child hurt others to the extent of leaving pinching scars on the other boy's face! It is totally unacceptable!

I need to find a solution - QUICK!

A Chinese proverb goes like this, "Behaviours internalised into a child at 3 years old will keep repeating themselves till they are 80!"

Oh my! I do not want my child to be aggressive throughout his life. Am I paranoid?