A man who asked for bread in the middle of the night

Once, there was a man who was very poor. He went to his friends in the middle of the night and knocked on their doors. The doors were not opened until he went up to the fourth friend. He was given bread, eaten them and went home peacefully.

The next day, the first friend came and asked him, "How are you, my friend? Do you need any bread?"

The man looked at his friend and answered, "Sorry, I don't know you."

It was when one is in hunger that he needed bread the most, not after he had eaten and had enough. It is in time of despair and desperate need that one ask for help...not when things are going smoothly. How friends flee when they smell problems are around the corner. And that's the reason we need God in time of despair when everyone else abandon us. 

The impossible has become possible - through God

I've always thought that I was not able to change.

I"ve this gene that was passed down by my dad, my dad from his dad and so on...And for all these years, I was always haunted with the same problem - quick temper. Relatives from the same family branches always blame it on the gene and said that it's in our blood when others are hurt and with the same excuse, we hope that the hurt person will forgive us or overlook the faulty in our gene. and so, changing in us is - impossible!

Even after knowing Christ for almost 7 years now, I've JUST grasped the impossible!

A sis in Christ visited  me recently and shared me her testimonies. Long story cut short, I told her it's almost impossible for me to change. The 'gene' is in me and I've like no control to what I'll be doing when the temper takes in. I felt hideous each time after a temper broke out. I felt sinful. I felt sad...devastated that there's no cure for me.

And then I started to pray...earnestly. It did not come just like that...but gradually, I feel I'm changing. When there were incidents which provoke me to get angry, I kept cool and talked to God instead.

I am a FREE person now, free from all the superstitiousness, free from the bind of the so-called 'hereditary' hot temper and most of all - I know that, "with God, nothing is impossible."

Jesus Christ wants us to be free. He wants us to be free from alcohol, free from gambling, free from illicit sexual desires / activities, free from the bind of superstitious beliefs, free from our negative behaviours / attitudes / characters or whatsoever hereditary. The word "FREE" means we are in control of what we don't want to do. For example, when I do not want to get angry, I am free to do that. But if you don't want to do something but are unable to control yourself from doing it, you're bound!

Be a free person today and seek for Jesus Christ!

Life's lesson

It seems like I've isolated my blog for quite some time. The reason was that I was very VERY busy with my thesis and was unable to make time to write anything else.

The past two weeks really made me grow - spiritually.

I had argument with my husband. I had friend visiting me. I had patiently listened and talked to someone whom I did not like. Those things have changed my life, or at least change the way I view others.

Firstly, I've learned not only to see myself as "I" only but rather "we" when it's with my husband because we have become ONE. When we are married, "two have become one" and we should appreciate this union blessed by God.

Secondly, I've learned to listen to other people's stories...I find that nowadays everyone is so busy with own stuffs that we rarely stop to listen or read about others. We could spend time with our pets or watching TV but not listening to others. WHY? When I opened up my heart to listen, and thank God for bridging the relationship between my senior and I, I pitied her. In fact, I started to realise why she has acted the way she did. I let go of the past events where she hurt me countless times. and viola, I feel great! The burden of hatred did give me tiring shoulders and sleepless nights. Now, whenever I need to see her, I just pray that God bridge our relationship and that let me accept her as she is.

Thirdly, I've learn to accept God's will rather than mine. Whatever that I pray for, it's a prayer and it depends on whether God will grant it to me. and so, even if things did not work out as I've prayed, I should be willing to accept it and say, "Yea, may God's will be done."

We should walk slowly and enjoy the scenery, whether it's climbing up a hill, going through a dark tunnel or sitting in a raft going through storms.

May God's will be done.

Stepping out of the circle

I did not shed a tear after my recent meeting with my supervisor.

For all I could remember, those meetings with my supervisor were horrible and unpleasant with demotivating comments. But the recent meeting brought smile to my face.

My supervisor scolded me for using recycled papers to print the drafts for her to check. In her view, I was not respecting her by using recycled paper. She also commented that using recycled paper showed that my mind is cluttered (what I submit shows my mind's condition). On my side, I was just doing the environment a little kindness (and also to save money). After all, the drafts would be in the rubbish dump after I amended my writing.  Although I didn't quite agree with her thinking, I've to admit that my mind was cluttered at that point of time. I smiled. The comment brought warmth and I thought how funny human's thinking differ from each other.

For all the comments I got through the years like 'stupid', 'brainless', 'rubbish' and so forth, 'cluttered mind' was the easiest to swallow.

I wondered whether I would have continued my journey in the banking industry if I were able to take a step out of the circle then when I was criticised. I wished I would have replied, "Stupid? Who? Me?"

I've to stress that, without Jesus Christ, I don't think I could have done it.

God not only carried me out of the circle but also provided me with TWO very lovely lecturers from overseas that I got to know through the world of web to answer my stupidest questions which I think my supervisor would have shouted her lung out for even asking!

Thank you, Jesus Christ. Thank you so much!
I might be stupid but you've never abandoned me.

What is the right question to ask?

Recently I am extremely busy with my thesis (which seems to take forever to finish).

I joined a discussion group on the field I am researching and asked several questions.

For the first time, my questions were answered by my supervisor. (Question like 1+1)

Then, the second time, my questions were answered with another question. (Question like 1+1-1)

Well, the questions I asked might seem so simple to the group but to me, it's tough enough to make me sleepless.

I wondered whether the group will think or would have thought that I am so stupid as not to understand a thing in the thing I am researching.

So, what should I ask if not the things I don't understand? Who is the stupidest? The person who asks questions he/she doesn't understand or the person who keeps quiet on the thing he/she doesn't understand?

Our tummy and immune system

For those Mommies out there who have children who are reluctant to eat, you may want to try giving probiotics. Frankly, I've gone through a lot when my son refused to eat all 3 meals a day, I know exactly how it feels when a child refuses to eat. I suggest that Mommies give children probiotics everyday until you see improvement in them. Then, reduce the intake, once every two days. 

I came across an article in The Star Sunday about our tummy and immune system. Our tummy is the largest immune system (80%) of our body. So, it is imperative that we take good care of our stomach. Having good stomach (like daily poo-ing), enough nutrients, etc. will ensure that we have strong immune system. Read the following links for more info. 

Tummy Tales - The Star newspaper

Info on probiotics and immune system

When baby has a strong immune, he/she will not get sick and needless to say, will have appetite to eat like normal kids.

Keep it up Mommies! Don't be disheartened.

My son's health

My son had a very high fever, reaching 40 degree Celsius, few weeks ago.

Frankly, as a first time mother, I tried whatever I could to prevent him from getting sick (or maybe I didn't do enough?). After all, I thought breastfeeding is already the best medication for a baby yet my son gets sick so often I wondered whether it's true breastfeeding child is healthier.

Then, a sis-in-Christ introduced me to Mr. Lim, who used to own an organic shop. I called him after some hesitation. I did not want my son to take supplements or any kind of undefined drugs from direct sales but I had no choice. He took Western medication and he got sick again and again and I could feel he was getting weaker by days and not any stronger. He took Chinese medication and I could see improvement in him yet I did not really like the term "medicine".

Mr. Lim introduced me to Strath, a herbal yeast supplement and Lacto GG probiotics. He told me that these two can easily heal my son. Thank God. It was as if God has brought His angel to tell me this. After giving my son Strath and probiotics for about two weeks, I started to see improvement in him. He started to have appetite to eat again.

You're uniquely created!

"You're uniquely created!"

I've heard that tonnes of times but it just could not bang right into my head.

I was considered the black sheep of the family because I cried so often so that when something bad happened after I cried, Mom would blame it on me!

For the past 31 years, I've been living under my brother's shadow. Mom always praises my brother for his good command of English and Mathematics. So far, I've never hear a word of praise from Mom for whatever I've done.

I was aimless. I lived my life as if seeking my mom's approval and praises. It hurts so much when I don't get praises from her but instead condemnation.

Reading The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren made me realise that so far, I've run the wrong path. I've lived the wrong way. I've lived a life for my mom and that's definitely wrong!

Now I believe that I'm uniquely created, whether I've good English or not. I'm so unique before there's no other Alice on earth like me!

Yes, I might not be perfect but if whatever I do, I include God in it, I don't need Mom's praises. If every little things can be brought to prayer and do it as if doing for God, it will be "perfect"!

Why to believe in Christ?

I am the youngest in my family with an elder brother. We used to live in a temple and my grandma was a medium. Just in case if you don't know what a medium is - a medium is one who lets the spirit to take on his/her physical body and soul for a time being and so, the spirit can speak through that person. Any idea?

OK. Since young, I was very afraid of dark although I lived in the temple. Probably because of all the idols in the house, it made me scare to go to the toilet at night. And I would always carry talismans in the purse or bags so to 'protect' myself against evil spirits.

Nevertheless, when I saw my mom got hurt through black magic or charm, I was so scared. Mom had to look for a master to cure her from the charm. And it made me scare of this so call "God" that I'd been believing so far.

To me, a God is supposed to protect me against all and EVERYTHING and make me feel peaceful and not scared. Although there were people who came to the temple to preach, before they could speak of anything besides, "Have you heard of Jesus?", they were turned down by the temple caretaker. I wished I had the opportunity to listen to the story of Jesus. He must be someone great. I like listening to story. Which children don't?

As I grew older, I became more obsessed with my own belief. All the aunties and uncles words of "truth" that Jesus is someone from the foreign country and not for us, Chinese, and how believing in Christ will cause one to hang in the middle of sky after death was enough to scare a teenager like me.

Once, friends of me, a twin sisters invited me to their church for Christmas and told me that there would be a sketch on the story of Jesus. I was elated. Now, for once I wanted so much to listen to the story of Jesus. I begged my brother and mom to go with me. Yes, we went. I got to know that Jesus died on the cross. But why?

I did not know much about this guy, Jesus, until I was 23. That was when my husband brought  me to his church. At first, I was absolute of  my own belief. I voiced a separation if  my husband, then bf, was to force me to convert. But then, after listening to the Reverend, I gave up my belief and took upon the cross.

The one and only statement that struck me to drop off my past belief and to pick up the cross was:

"Jesus can protect you against all harm, including ghosts and black magic."

Do you want the same peace?

Believing in Christ gives me true peace that I've never had before. Now, I can go anywhere I like without worrying being attack by a ghost!

Praise the Lord!

Today we brought our son to check on the cyst in his scrotum.

I cried tears of happiness when the doctor announced that the cyst has gone! How I wanted to say, "Yes, Lord. It's You. There's no other besides You."

The cyst was rather big, 2 x 2cm and it's gone!

There is still a scan and final checkup in another 4 months time to confirm the cyst has really gone. I know God will look after Isaac...

Yes, Allelujah! Amen!

What is the purpose in life?

When my son gets sick, the world is as if collapsing against me. I feel like it is the time for nightmare. It will end but it comes back every month! The pressure of taking care of my son eats up part of  me and my soul.

Nevertheless, as I stumble upon the book, The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren, I believe life will be different.

The first chapter, "It all starts with God".

There must be a God who created all these: earth, sun, stars, birds, fish, ...., and human! And if I were to know what's my purpose in life, I should be asking God.

As Warren puts it, God is the creator and we are what He created. Only by reading the creator's manual (the Bible) that we are able to understand what the creator creates us for.

Below is how I would be answering Warren's question:
DAY ONE: In spite of all the advertising around me, how can I remind myself that life is really about living for God, not myself?

Frankly speaking, at times I wondered why I was created. I don't understand why I need to be here and go through all the 'tough' things in life. Advertisements, of course, manipulated a large part of our life but then, it didn't do much harm to me, I suppose. Even before I understand or appreciate an advertisement, I already feel lousy about  myself. I feel lousy because my mom kept saying so.

I've been living for myself. If I've been living for God, then, I would be thinking differently. If I've been living for God, I would not have cared about what my mom says but what God has to say, isn't it?

Now, I know that God has a purpose for me, I would lead a purposeful life. I know that 'someone' will appreciate what I am doing even though the people around me see me as a lousy person.

God has a purpose for everyone. If you feel lousy as I do, I suggest you take a look at the book.

My son might be having asthma...

Yesterday around 9.30pm, we rushed our son to the general hospital. It was no surprise for us anymore that Isaac needs nebuliser each time he has a cough.

Previously, when he started to cough early of the month, I tried giving him Scott's fish liver oil which has made its name in the market to be one of the best supplement to build up children's immune system. I was glad that Isaac's cough was under control. He coughed only once or twice a day. But then, two days ago, things turned ugly. The supplement did not work anymore. Probably Isaac's body has used to the supplement and the virus in him are taking charge instead. So, his cough becomes serious and we could hear him wheezing.

Doctor gave him steroids medication. I asked whether it is necessary to give steroids at this age. The answer was, "YES."

I was not satisfied with the answer. I brought Isaac to visit another doctor near our house. His answer was the same. In fact, he has been giving Isaac steroids for the past visits! I was shocked to know that. I am a pro-natural person and to know that I've been giving my son steroids was like having a huge blow in my face.

If it is possible, I wanted Isaac to avoid steroids as much as possible. But if that is unavoidable, then may we have the courage to accept it and move on...

Thank you, my Father in heaven!

As I was searching for my self-identity, God threw me a book, A Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren.

It was just the right book to answer my questions on WHY AM I HERE? and WHAT IS THE PURPOSE IN LIFE?

As I was drowning in the sea of self-denial, I received an email from The Star newspaper. The editor liked my article and was asking for a photo of dad and I. I was overjoyed. OH my! My article to be printed along with my photo. That was a real WOW!

Each time after I saw my writing in print, I was happy for a short while and then I was back to the "I'm not good" mode. And to this, what I can say is, "I fall down 10 times and God holds me up 11 times." God was there to hold me up the times I fell and He is there now, ready to hold me up if I'm going to fall again. This is what I feel when I know my article will be published! God is telling me something. Each time someone condemned my writing, God cheered  me up.

To this, I say, Thank you to the Lord who gives abundantly and to my late Lou Tao in heaven, I've made you proud again!

Click at the link below to read the article:
The article which got published in The Star newspaper

Where lies my strength?

I called a counsellor today. Unable to make decision whether to continue with my thesis, I cried on the phone. I hated my supervisor so much for delaying  me. I hated the fact that I've to go on with this supervisor OR quit everything.

One conversation led to another and I ended up with a face wet with tears and a question in mind - what are my strengths?

I have always liked writing and teaching. But since my supervisor condemned on my writing and commented that I am not good enough to be a teacher, I quit everything! That was two years ago. I lost my vision and without Dad around to give me encouragement in writing, I was a lousy person.

I learned piano but quit when mom told me I couldn't play a good piece of song.
I learned art but quit when mom told me I couldn't draw anything that looks good.
I liked writing children's stories but quit when my supervisor told me my writing was so grave.

The counselor asked, "What strengths do you think you have?"
I replied, "None."

"You have strengths. Just spend some time to think," the counselor advised.

A picture of friends!

What are friends for?

To share good times.
To share bad times.
To share a photo together.

Where are my friends?

It's only at the loneliest period that one will think of the dear friends, who really care, love and share.

An inspirational story

I was inspired after reading Sunday's newspapers.

The story of Grayson Gilbert, a sick boy, now a young adult has touched  me deeply.

The FAITH he has has made it possible for him to go through all the sickness that almost take away his life.

At the age of six, the selfless sick child even wrote a note and put it under the statue of Jesus. The note sounds like this:

"Hi Jesus. This is Grayson. If you could, please heal the other kids. Thank you very much."

Suddenly, all my tiredness was gone, all my lamentations, my undecided decision, my plea for a rest, etc seemed to  melt away to nothingness. IF a boy who had to go through so much of pain and sufferings and yet able to pray for others, why not me? Why am I still lamenting on the work I have not completed, the irresponsible supervisor that I have, the rest that was denied and so on? 

Oh, how much more can we learn from other PEOPLE! Another lesson I learned is if we stop be arrogant, we will be able to learn a lot more. Today I learned some techniques in writing through a teenager. Yea, never look down on people younger than us. They could be smarter than us! If only we are willing to let go a bit, we'll gain a bit more...

For full story on Grayson Gilbert, follow the link below:

http://www.baltimoresun.com/entertainment/sun-magazine/bs-sm-cancer-survivor-20110522,0,465722.story

Lesson learned: Smile! No matter how small a thing you're doing, God is watching over us.

Venturing into the crocheting world!

This is what I'm busy doing currently!

Gotta go to try out new patterns!

Baking disaster

The curiousity in me prompt me to experiment with the Brazilian cheese bread recipe today.

I wondered:
1) What makes the Brazilian cheese balls rise?

Is it the egg? the cheese? or the tapioca flour with the mixture? or the blending process itself?

2) If the Brazilian cheese balls can rise, then I can make a sponge cake rise with the same technique, right?

I tried with exactly the same ingredients minus cheese and salt; plus choc chips. And it turned out to be a disaster!

The balls rose so high that they eventually burst and showed hollow bread!

So, I added some salt to the mixture. This time the balls rose but to an extend. Still, the balls collapsed once taken out from the oven. Hmm...

A baking disaster day! Hope this didn't damper your enthusiasm in baking...
Baking is a process of trial and error itself. It's only by this that the baking industry will prosper and come out with more innovative and creative creations.

Amigurumi

Amigurumi, a word from Japanese means crocheted stuffed toy. It has been a hot item for quite some time. Mind me, I don't even know about that before reading the newspaper last week. And since I know how to knit and crochet, I wanted to try my hands on this 'new' thing to me. 

The first day trying out the crochet was a disaster. My mom, like usual, asked me to give up. But the stubbornness in me told me to go ahead because I was just steps away from success. I went online and searched for a good tutorial to learn from. 

Ta-dah! This is the end result of my first amigurumi. I don't know about you but I'm going to try out with more patterns. 

Below are a few sites I find helpful - at least in teaching me from zero to making my first crocheted stuffed toy. 

Amirugumi tutorial

Free patterns

Cheers and do enjoy this new hobby!

I'm not a superwoman!

There is something wrong with my health again...the red light in me is blinking and I know there  must be something wrong but who can tell me what's wrong? 

I wake up every morning, almost with tears, to drag myself out of bed with a stiff back and with no one to understand. I envied those friends who can negotiate with their husbands and asked for hours of leave a week to enjoy what they like to do or just have a "private time" alone without the child tagging along. I envied those friends who can go for holidays without children. I envied those who can have their in-laws or moms to babysit their children when they are 'busy'. Unfortunately, my husband is one of those who live in the era of 60s' who feels that a housewife and full time mother needs no rest, just like his mom!

There were a few times when I was so exhausted and my eyes were so heavy, I cried out to Jesus, "Please..Please let  my son sleep so that I can sleep too." Right after I murmured that, I fell into a deep sleep, when my son was still wide awake and sitting or playing beside me on the bed. God answered my prayer. My son slept beside me when I woke up. I found that to be miracles. When no one pitied me, God did. 

I suppose women in the old days were very strong. They could take care of children, 8, 9 or 10, and still cooked and washed and did all the housechores by themselves. A friend said, "Those time children can run around the neighbourhood without being kidnapped. Can our children do that now? It's an educated era. Talk to your husband." 

How I wanted to have a 2-hour rest every week so that I can go to have a body massage and release all the stress and stiffness in me. But my request was denied. Wondered why...

I asked my mom how did she manage to take care of me and brother without asking for a rest. It was a 24/7 thing and I sincerely know how it feels now...She said women then knows nothing about rest. Women are expected to do everything related to the household, including  taking care of the children. REST was a taboo...women should be hardworking! 

Oh my...My only 'private time' is when my son is napping or sleeping. That's the only time when I can read, write my blog or check my emails...

Love is sacrificial...When one can't change the situation, all one can do is to enjoy every moment! 

When I'm mopping the floor, I'll think how safe it will be for my son to lie on it later on.

When I cook a good meal, I'll think how much of nutrients my son will get if he could finish his food!

When no one pitied me, God did...and I believe He still does...