What is the purpose in life?

When my son gets sick, the world is as if collapsing against me. I feel like it is the time for nightmare. It will end but it comes back every month! The pressure of taking care of my son eats up part of  me and my soul.

Nevertheless, as I stumble upon the book, The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren, I believe life will be different.

The first chapter, "It all starts with God".

There must be a God who created all these: earth, sun, stars, birds, fish, ...., and human! And if I were to know what's my purpose in life, I should be asking God.

As Warren puts it, God is the creator and we are what He created. Only by reading the creator's manual (the Bible) that we are able to understand what the creator creates us for.

Below is how I would be answering Warren's question:
DAY ONE: In spite of all the advertising around me, how can I remind myself that life is really about living for God, not myself?

Frankly speaking, at times I wondered why I was created. I don't understand why I need to be here and go through all the 'tough' things in life. Advertisements, of course, manipulated a large part of our life but then, it didn't do much harm to me, I suppose. Even before I understand or appreciate an advertisement, I already feel lousy about  myself. I feel lousy because my mom kept saying so.

I've been living for myself. If I've been living for God, then, I would be thinking differently. If I've been living for God, I would not have cared about what my mom says but what God has to say, isn't it?

Now, I know that God has a purpose for me, I would lead a purposeful life. I know that 'someone' will appreciate what I am doing even though the people around me see me as a lousy person.

God has a purpose for everyone. If you feel lousy as I do, I suggest you take a look at the book.

My son might be having asthma...

Yesterday around 9.30pm, we rushed our son to the general hospital. It was no surprise for us anymore that Isaac needs nebuliser each time he has a cough.

Previously, when he started to cough early of the month, I tried giving him Scott's fish liver oil which has made its name in the market to be one of the best supplement to build up children's immune system. I was glad that Isaac's cough was under control. He coughed only once or twice a day. But then, two days ago, things turned ugly. The supplement did not work anymore. Probably Isaac's body has used to the supplement and the virus in him are taking charge instead. So, his cough becomes serious and we could hear him wheezing.

Doctor gave him steroids medication. I asked whether it is necessary to give steroids at this age. The answer was, "YES."

I was not satisfied with the answer. I brought Isaac to visit another doctor near our house. His answer was the same. In fact, he has been giving Isaac steroids for the past visits! I was shocked to know that. I am a pro-natural person and to know that I've been giving my son steroids was like having a huge blow in my face.

If it is possible, I wanted Isaac to avoid steroids as much as possible. But if that is unavoidable, then may we have the courage to accept it and move on...

Thank you, my Father in heaven!

As I was searching for my self-identity, God threw me a book, A Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren.

It was just the right book to answer my questions on WHY AM I HERE? and WHAT IS THE PURPOSE IN LIFE?

As I was drowning in the sea of self-denial, I received an email from The Star newspaper. The editor liked my article and was asking for a photo of dad and I. I was overjoyed. OH my! My article to be printed along with my photo. That was a real WOW!

Each time after I saw my writing in print, I was happy for a short while and then I was back to the "I'm not good" mode. And to this, what I can say is, "I fall down 10 times and God holds me up 11 times." God was there to hold me up the times I fell and He is there now, ready to hold me up if I'm going to fall again. This is what I feel when I know my article will be published! God is telling me something. Each time someone condemned my writing, God cheered  me up.

To this, I say, Thank you to the Lord who gives abundantly and to my late Lou Tao in heaven, I've made you proud again!

Click at the link below to read the article:
The article which got published in The Star newspaper

Where lies my strength?

I called a counsellor today. Unable to make decision whether to continue with my thesis, I cried on the phone. I hated my supervisor so much for delaying  me. I hated the fact that I've to go on with this supervisor OR quit everything.

One conversation led to another and I ended up with a face wet with tears and a question in mind - what are my strengths?

I have always liked writing and teaching. But since my supervisor condemned on my writing and commented that I am not good enough to be a teacher, I quit everything! That was two years ago. I lost my vision and without Dad around to give me encouragement in writing, I was a lousy person.

I learned piano but quit when mom told me I couldn't play a good piece of song.
I learned art but quit when mom told me I couldn't draw anything that looks good.
I liked writing children's stories but quit when my supervisor told me my writing was so grave.

The counselor asked, "What strengths do you think you have?"
I replied, "None."

"You have strengths. Just spend some time to think," the counselor advised.

A picture of friends!

What are friends for?

To share good times.
To share bad times.
To share a photo together.

Where are my friends?

It's only at the loneliest period that one will think of the dear friends, who really care, love and share.

An inspirational story

I was inspired after reading Sunday's newspapers.

The story of Grayson Gilbert, a sick boy, now a young adult has touched  me deeply.

The FAITH he has has made it possible for him to go through all the sickness that almost take away his life.

At the age of six, the selfless sick child even wrote a note and put it under the statue of Jesus. The note sounds like this:

"Hi Jesus. This is Grayson. If you could, please heal the other kids. Thank you very much."

Suddenly, all my tiredness was gone, all my lamentations, my undecided decision, my plea for a rest, etc seemed to  melt away to nothingness. IF a boy who had to go through so much of pain and sufferings and yet able to pray for others, why not me? Why am I still lamenting on the work I have not completed, the irresponsible supervisor that I have, the rest that was denied and so on? 

Oh, how much more can we learn from other PEOPLE! Another lesson I learned is if we stop be arrogant, we will be able to learn a lot more. Today I learned some techniques in writing through a teenager. Yea, never look down on people younger than us. They could be smarter than us! If only we are willing to let go a bit, we'll gain a bit more...

For full story on Grayson Gilbert, follow the link below:

http://www.baltimoresun.com/entertainment/sun-magazine/bs-sm-cancer-survivor-20110522,0,465722.story

Lesson learned: Smile! No matter how small a thing you're doing, God is watching over us.

Venturing into the crocheting world!

This is what I'm busy doing currently!

Gotta go to try out new patterns!

Baking disaster

The curiousity in me prompt me to experiment with the Brazilian cheese bread recipe today.

I wondered:
1) What makes the Brazilian cheese balls rise?

Is it the egg? the cheese? or the tapioca flour with the mixture? or the blending process itself?

2) If the Brazilian cheese balls can rise, then I can make a sponge cake rise with the same technique, right?

I tried with exactly the same ingredients minus cheese and salt; plus choc chips. And it turned out to be a disaster!

The balls rose so high that they eventually burst and showed hollow bread!

So, I added some salt to the mixture. This time the balls rose but to an extend. Still, the balls collapsed once taken out from the oven. Hmm...

A baking disaster day! Hope this didn't damper your enthusiasm in baking...
Baking is a process of trial and error itself. It's only by this that the baking industry will prosper and come out with more innovative and creative creations.

Amigurumi

Amigurumi, a word from Japanese means crocheted stuffed toy. It has been a hot item for quite some time. Mind me, I don't even know about that before reading the newspaper last week. And since I know how to knit and crochet, I wanted to try my hands on this 'new' thing to me. 

The first day trying out the crochet was a disaster. My mom, like usual, asked me to give up. But the stubbornness in me told me to go ahead because I was just steps away from success. I went online and searched for a good tutorial to learn from. 

Ta-dah! This is the end result of my first amigurumi. I don't know about you but I'm going to try out with more patterns. 

Below are a few sites I find helpful - at least in teaching me from zero to making my first crocheted stuffed toy. 

Amirugumi tutorial

Free patterns

Cheers and do enjoy this new hobby!

I'm not a superwoman!

There is something wrong with my health again...the red light in me is blinking and I know there  must be something wrong but who can tell me what's wrong? 

I wake up every morning, almost with tears, to drag myself out of bed with a stiff back and with no one to understand. I envied those friends who can negotiate with their husbands and asked for hours of leave a week to enjoy what they like to do or just have a "private time" alone without the child tagging along. I envied those friends who can go for holidays without children. I envied those who can have their in-laws or moms to babysit their children when they are 'busy'. Unfortunately, my husband is one of those who live in the era of 60s' who feels that a housewife and full time mother needs no rest, just like his mom!

There were a few times when I was so exhausted and my eyes were so heavy, I cried out to Jesus, "Please..Please let  my son sleep so that I can sleep too." Right after I murmured that, I fell into a deep sleep, when my son was still wide awake and sitting or playing beside me on the bed. God answered my prayer. My son slept beside me when I woke up. I found that to be miracles. When no one pitied me, God did. 

I suppose women in the old days were very strong. They could take care of children, 8, 9 or 10, and still cooked and washed and did all the housechores by themselves. A friend said, "Those time children can run around the neighbourhood without being kidnapped. Can our children do that now? It's an educated era. Talk to your husband." 

How I wanted to have a 2-hour rest every week so that I can go to have a body massage and release all the stress and stiffness in me. But my request was denied. Wondered why...

I asked my mom how did she manage to take care of me and brother without asking for a rest. It was a 24/7 thing and I sincerely know how it feels now...She said women then knows nothing about rest. Women are expected to do everything related to the household, including  taking care of the children. REST was a taboo...women should be hardworking! 

Oh my...My only 'private time' is when my son is napping or sleeping. That's the only time when I can read, write my blog or check my emails...

Love is sacrificial...When one can't change the situation, all one can do is to enjoy every moment! 

When I'm mopping the floor, I'll think how safe it will be for my son to lie on it later on.

When I cook a good meal, I'll think how much of nutrients my son will get if he could finish his food!

When no one pitied me, God did...and I believe He still does...

Fish head soup

It took me quite some time before I actually dared to buy a fish head. ALL the recipes that I have on fish head soup looked delicious but seemed difficult to me. Yea, it's difficult because it needs you to FRY the fish head before boiling it as soup.

So, the last trip back to Johor to visit my  mom-in-law, a co-owner of a restaurant, I took the opportunity to ask on how to make a pot of good fish head soup.

I needed the confidence that fish head need not be fried to make a pot of good soup.

Ingredients:
3 cloves of garlic
1 onion (to add sweetness)
2 tomatoes (to add sweet with soury taste)
1 slice of ginger (to remove the fishy smell)

some cut spring onion
1 fish head

Taste enhancer:
pinch of salt
1 teaspoon of soy sauce or to taste

1) Stir-fry the garlic till fragrant.
2) Put the fried garlic and the rest of the ingredients into a pot to be boiled.
3) When the water is boiling, put in the fish and let it be boiled for 15 minutes before turning off the heat.
4) Garnish with spring onions.

NOTE: The soup is ok for me but not my husband. He is quite sensitive towards fishy smell. I guess I need to put in more ginger the next time if I'm having this soup again.