I have lost!

I have lost the battle. It's such a bitter pill that I cried and cried. I cried so hard that I felt I was insane. My son kept telling me, "Don't cry. Don't cry." But I just told him, "You cried too when you lost in your chess game. I need to cry to make myself better." 

"There's something in the heart that feels not right," I told my son, and continued crying. My son, sat beside me and said, "God asks us to forgive." It struck me that it's not only about winning or losing but also about forgiving. It's about forgiving others who have misjudged us. It's about forgiving others who have dealt with us unfairly. 

When I have calmed down, I told my son, when I was young I dared not join any competition. I was afraid of losing. The biggest challenge was not the competition itself but the ability to handle lost. I backed off. I thought that by not joining, I was saved from any embarrassment. But I was so wrong. I have actually lost many opportunities to learn and grow emotionally. 

So, I explained, "I wish you can join more competitions and be sporting. Even if you've lost, say it's ok to yourself and train yourself to better equipped the next time and try again. Try till you're able to triumph through the challenges. Do not be afraid of losing or you'll lose a lot of fun." 

I hope after today, both of us will grow emotionally and spiritually in dealing with losing. 

Nothing can make me feel better if I am not willing to let go of the grudges. 

It's all in the heart.