I'm not a good mother

How often do you think you're not a good mom? 

I often feel that. 

Today I felt it's so true - I am not a good mom. 

It's Christmas and as usual, kids got a lot of junk food including lollies and chocolates. I asked my son to put all the food into a large plastic bag. 

Later in the day, I picked out the junk food, which was to be given to the security guards of our condominium. When I was almost done, my baby wanted to eat something and prompted me to go to the fridge and there, I found a small hill of lollies, chocolates and junk food. OK, that's the work of my son. He kept whatever he wanted in the fridge and left what he didn't want out there in the big plastic bag. Aha- I caught him. So, I picked out those I "don't" like and put them in the plastic bag. 

When we were going out for dinner with the bag of food for the guards, he suddenly asked, "Mama, did you take the lollies from the fridge?"

I've to say yes. I don't lie. And that's the start of a terrible war. He started to grumble and fuss about how many lollies I've picked out and what's left. It made him even more frustrated because we were out and he couldn't check the fridge, and what's given is given. 

It was until we ordered the food that I lost my temper and pulled his ear. 

"What's so big deal with giving others some lollies? You've so many? And there are more than 4 in the fridge, I'm sure. Isn't that enough?" 

I felt bad after that. When we were back home, he apologised to me, after checking the fridge and found that he actually has 8 lollies! I apologised to him too yet I felt a part of me has turned bad. It's a bad experience. I hate to be a bad mom. I cried but it's the past. 

Temper oh, temper...you're such an evil. 

I cried to The Lord and was comforted. If I had told my son, "Please come to the fridge and let us sort this out. There are too much of junk in it." I'm sure he'll respond happily and we won't have any disagreement after that. But I was so wrong to be bossy. I thought I can give away whatever I like. I should have discussed with my son. He's big enough to understand. After all, he's a mature boy and the teachers that have taught him before never failed to let me know that "Isaac is a mature boy. He can understand many things. He's one that can sit down to discuss a thing and talked to."

Lord, oh Lord, please guide me to be a better mom.

When will we grow to be responsible adults?

Being a parent of two, coupled with long-term sleep deprivation, I have only a common word in my head - EXHAUSTION. Hence, more often than not, I have excuses to many imperfections, mistakes, anger explosions or temper. But today, I've seen a pair of graceful parents of three who didn't give in to exhaustion. 

They were new to me and though we are arranged to be in the same cell group, our paths have never crossed. But today, while having lunch in the canteen, I saw how these parents' little acts may glorify our God. 

The father saw a spill of curry on a table and went to take a cloth to clean it up, discreetly. He can just leave it alone because it was not him who had spilt it. But he chose to differ. It reminded me how I used to love the house of God, keeping it clean whether anyone was in sight of my act. But not anymore. I've grown weary. Not many cared, anyway. 

"PIANG!!" There went the sound of a falling bowl, with spilt food. It's amazing how these parents reacted. No Lamentations, no scolding or whatsoever. The mom got up immediately and went to take a broom and dustpan and had the food swept away. The father winked at his son and asked, "Why?" His son smiled and moved his elbow slightly, probably trying to tell his father that he had accidentally pushed the bowl down with his elbow. Then, he continued to enjoy his chicken drumstick. After the family had left, I could find a spotless table - which again reminded me that loving God also meant loving his house. 

As I turned around, I saw another table - with rice, a messed up baby chair and floor - an opportunity for the rats to be fed at night. Another pair of weary parents? 

I can only comment on the patient parents of three who have revived my first love with Christ and prompt me to do better. Jesus had time for all who came to seek him. Why don't we have time for Him? Doing something for Christ doesn't mean it should be within the sights of others. And what's more, cleaning after our own usage is our responsibility. 

When I went to the library, I saw librarians arranging books in accordance to the categories. I thanked God too for these people who worked tirelessly to maintain the library and what's more, they hadn't had their lunch when we had all enjoyed ours! 

My husband has a friend who likes to say, "We want to live with first world facilities but we have third world mentality." How could we enjoy when we are here to take advantage of others? And what's the use of having better facilities when they'll be gone tomorrow with no concerns or responsibilities in caring for them? 

Making meat floss / chicken floss with a bread maker

My breadmaker has been kept in the dark till my friend told me I can make meat floss / chicken floss with it. 

My curiosity was at its peak. I loved chicken floss when I was a child and making it was out of my mind (I'd been thinking it involved sophiscated procedures). But my friend's recipe sounded sooo easy I wanted to try immediately. 

I went to the market and bought 500g of meat. Boiled it in my soup.   Then took it to the pot and boiled with some water, 1 table spoon of  sugar and 1 tablespoon of soy sauce till the meat soaked up all the liquid. I took it out and put into the breadmaker and had it run on JAM mode - twice - for a completely dry and flossy effect. 

Viola! I've healthy, no preservatives, no colouring, no flavoring meat floss at home! 

Note: errr.... It could be tasteless for adults but it's fine for kids. 󾌩

Ego or relationship?

Recently my friend told me of an incident that she had the rights to deny the demands of her neighbor, but to preserve the friendship, she has chosen to obliged with what was asked. 

"If I win in the argument but have hurt the feelings of the others, I will have lost a friend. I choose friendship than winning," she said. 

Here's a very good pic I found that explains it all:

I have lost!

I have lost the battle. It's such a bitter pill that I cried and cried. I cried so hard that I felt I was insane. My son kept telling me, "Don't cry. Don't cry." But I just told him, "You cried too when you lost in your chess game. I need to cry to make myself better." 

"There's something in the heart that feels not right," I told my son, and continued crying. My son, sat beside me and said, "God asks us to forgive." It struck me that it's not only about winning or losing but also about forgiving. It's about forgiving others who have misjudged us. It's about forgiving others who have dealt with us unfairly. 

When I have calmed down, I told my son, when I was young I dared not join any competition. I was afraid of losing. The biggest challenge was not the competition itself but the ability to handle lost. I backed off. I thought that by not joining, I was saved from any embarrassment. But I was so wrong. I have actually lost many opportunities to learn and grow emotionally. 

So, I explained, "I wish you can join more competitions and be sporting. Even if you've lost, say it's ok to yourself and train yourself to better equipped the next time and try again. Try till you're able to triumph through the challenges. Do not be afraid of losing or you'll lose a lot of fun." 

I hope after today, both of us will grow emotionally and spiritually in dealing with losing. 

Nothing can make me feel better if I am not willing to let go of the grudges. 

It's all in the heart.