Begin with the end in mind

Death is inevitable. To some, it might be horrible. My daughter and I have been sick for the past few days, 6 days to be exact. We have visited Hospital Selayang emergency ward twice. As I sat there waiting for our turn to register, I saw people coming in unconscious, wounded or sick. Adults or kids alike, people get sick. 

All of a sudden, I thought to myself, what is there to say before one leave? No one know the hour they'll leave. Like my dad, when he stopped vomiting blood, we thought he was going to be ok, but he fell into a deep sleep and was gone...unnoticed! No final words. And what legacy do we leave to our children? 

I remembered Stephen Covey's "The 7 Habits of highly effective people" where he asked the readers to visualize one's funeral. What would be the impressions of the deceased on those who come to pay their last respect? From there, he advised us to "Begin with the end in mind". 

What would my husband and children say about me on my funeral? What about others? 

Would they say, I am a good wife and a good mother? How much of good deeds have I done? Have I done enough to glorify God's name? Have I done enough to ensure the salvation of my children? Have I really repented? 

There are so much to do to ensure one leaves without regret. So, let us do our best this very moment! If I want to my kids to feel I am a happy mom, I should smile more often. If I want my kids to read more books, I should read more. Keep going...

Bringing up boys

No men are born gay. And even if one insist on being a gay, it can be reversed. Yes, it's this book again by Dr. James Dobson who host Focus on Family. Why are there kids who killed their own parents or ran amok killing his friends in college? For parents who are too busy to read this book, below are some highlighted issues which you may consider when raising your son, a loan from God. Hence, we are very much accountable in raising them in accordance to the truth. 

1) boys need structure, boys need supervision and they need to be civilized. 

2) boys need fatherly figure to emulate especially after the age of 3. 

3) NO ONE IS BORN GAY OR LESBIAN. Dr James dedicated a chapter to explain on the origin of Homosexuality with the support of researches and statistics. Fathers have to do their part to "mirror and affirm his son's maleness". 

4) schools for boys - they just can't sit down unlike girls. Hence, greater patience is needed. 

5) postmodernism - everything in the media is telling our kids what is "good" when it is not. Limit kids access to internet, TV, etc.

6) set the rules and discipline them when they misbehave. Also giving him a measure of self-control and the ability to postpone gratification 

7) Rules without Relationship lead to Rebellion 

8) words can build or break - 5 mins of our communication will determine the rest of it. 

9) Parents have the authority given by God to direct and shape their kids's behavior.

10) Train boys to be respectful and responsible 

It's my fault

I am not a good mom, I thought. This has been in my mind since the birth of my son. 

I tried to be a good mom by using cloth nappies for my son because I was afraid he would get rashes from wearing diapers for long hours and to avoid any possibilities of getting testicle cancer. That's how paranoid I was. 

I mopped the floor everyday so that he won't have to crawl on dusty floor. 

I boiled soup everyday so that he would drink more and reduce his body heat, if there's any. 

I read to him daily so that he would have vast vocabulary once he speaks. 

But when he got sick, I blamed myself. I didn't have a healthy body and that was why he didn't have a strong body as well. 

When he fell from the bed, I blamed myself for not ensuring a mattress was put beside the edge of the bed.

When it comes to my daughter now, I let her wear diapers daily because I just have no time to wash soiled nappies. Yes, I am afraid of her health but I've more to take care of now. 

And she fell down, TWICE, today. Once, in the morning when she stepped on a book on the floor and slipped. It hurt me to see her in pain. I should have picked up the book when I saw it earlier. It's my fault. 

She fell down again in the afternoon while I was mopping the floor. I thought my mom was looking after her or at least keeping her occupy while I was mopping the floor but she wasn't. So this little girl was left walking around on wet floor and fell. 

I am not a good mother because I let her fell twice today. I feel sad. I cried. But I can't stop here, because I need to keep going and going....till my last breath. I hope till then, I can say, I've done my best. Now, not yet...

A Teary Mom

"I am sorry, Isaac, I'm sorry. I'm an angry mom and a sad mom. I'm sick but I don't want to take medicine because medication will only make me go to sleep and be tired all the time. I want to depend on God alone to recover." 

That's what I told Isaac before he fell asleep just now. I couldn't stop myself from sobbing as I lay beside his sleepy head. He moved closer to me and threw his arm over my shoulder, giving assurance that he understood me. He was exhausted and within minutes, he fell into a deep sleep. 

I stopped crying then until I came to my blog to write this. I don't understand why I am always teary. I am teary since a girl. My mom couldn't understand why too and often scolded me for being a cry baby and being superstitious, always said I brought her bad luck for crying too much. I wish I know why I am so teary. I wish I can be a happy girl like my friends. 

I didn't have a happy childhood. I don't want to blame my mom for being too teary and affected me subconsciously but where do I seek help? I cried so much that during my childhood that I was afraid I would be blind one day due to crying. 

I even asked my science stream friend, "Do you think I would become blind by crying too much?" 

He answered, "I don't know. Tears are salt. Probably you can take more salt to prevent blindness." And we laughed.