Postnatal blues

My first postnatal was stressful. Without experience and having too many views and "advices" from people around me made me lost myself. I hurt myself and the people around me and eventually broke down, crying daily and then without good rest, I had backache for 2 years. 

This confinement, I promised myself that I won't be as stubborn as the first and that I should learn to let go. For the first week, I held on to my old self again, hurting myself for not resting well and I wondered why the tears could not stop flowing though I know crying will weaken my body. 

I caught a cold during the end of the first week and seek Chinese doctor for medication. When I thought everything would be fine, hospital called up and informed us that our baby was high in thyroid and needed another blood test immediately. We rushed to hospital that afternoon and blood was taken. The next week when we returned, the report showed my baby still have thyroid. Doctor advised another blood test to be done. It was painful to hear my baby cry out when three nurses pinned her down to take a tube of blood. 

It was tiring and my baby contracted with flu and cough. She cackled like an old man every night and woke everyone in the house. I felt helpless because there was nothing I could do to get the phlegm out of her throat. 

I informed church pastor about my baby's condition and asked for her prayer. She spread the news and asked every member to join in the prayer. That morning we went for another appointment and doctor didn't mention about her thyroid again. It's back to normal! Thank God. 

There should be nothing happier than to know everything is fine. What else do I need to hold on to and make myself so unhappy? Afterall God has delivered my daughter from harm and danger. I should cheer up. Yes, indeed I did. Things which used to provoke me before this have lesser impact on me already. I learned to let go and 🙈 no eye see or in a better way, choose to see what I want to see and ignore the weaknesses of others. 

😇