A Depressive Chinese New Year

A week before Chinese New Year (CNY), I read about a young lady with bipolar. Her writing made me think whether it is really true that MOST of the people working in the creative field will somehow have bipolar. The thing is I don't just have this mood swing when I started to write but I have had it since I was a young girl! 

Probably dad was always not around and mom was depressive, festive seasons were the only thing I can look forward to through the year. It was during festive season that all the relatives or friends gathered around and I got to talk or listen to people talk. Otherwise life was just me, me and me alone.

Festive seasons heightened the mood but then the next minute, when everyone left the place, my mood would plummet and sink into a level that I might hide myself to cry it out. That's why I was called a cry-baby when I was a girl. And I went through this through my teenage and my adulthood. Life seems to be empty - VOID. 

Though I have married, have a son and expecting a second child now, the depression hasn't left me. After reading about the young lady with bipolar, I wondered whether I also need medication. But I never like to be controlled by medication unless it's the last resort. At the moment, I'm taking and should continue to take doses of God's words to keep me in balance. I've to admit that the pain does come again and again but it'll be a good testimony if I can go through this with the words and help of my Lord, Jesus Christ. 

Though quiet and without calls this festive season, may God Himself grant me His peace and joy!