Husband and Wife 1

Lately, I have had many arguments with my husband. To me, I felt I've totally lost hope and expectations in him. Take the day before Christmas, I was extremely tired ( I wondered why). After attending my husband's subordinate wedding reception, we reached home at 3pm and I was exhausted. Lying on the bed, my son asked for milk. I asked my husband, who had just taken his bath, to prepare the milk for the baby yet he refused to. I woke up and prepared it myself. The anger was burning inside. I hated him to the extent of wanting him to die. I don't understand why he simply can't fullfill my simple request. What is a husband for if he couldn't provide in the time when I needed him most?

I refused to go to church for the dinner. He brought our son and left. I was angry. I was disappointed. He didn't even say sorry for that? He didn't even consider to beg me to go? 

I called a few friends and thought of running away from home. Yet, everyone was busy with Christmas! Who's going to take me in? 

I left the house and accelerated to the church, wanting to take my son home and asked my husband to stay out of the house for the night. I didn't want to see him. I hated him to the extent of wanting to take a stone and *BOING* on his head. 

I reached church and at the entrance, we argued. I wanted my son and leave. We got into his car and talked. 

He apologised and I gave in. 

Letting the child attend playschool

Lately, I started to get busy with life again. Hmm...It's not really about work but about my unfinished thesis. I started my Master programme before I got pregnant and till now, I already has a son, just celebrated his two years of age and yet, I'm still stuck with an unfinished dissertation! I thought of giving up but then, an old time professor told me, "It's not only about finishing the thesis, it's about completing something you've started. You'll be a role model for your children in the future."

A role model? Yea, I wish I can. Hence, I took up the courage to make my life busy with my thesis. But how can I get busy with my thesis when I've to take care of my son? I decided to send him to a trusted playschool which is opened by my church member. Then, I can really sit down and work without fear of my son getting injured or without proper care.

I've to admit that letting go of my son is a terrible decision since he was with me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and he's like my own heartbeat. The moment I thought of letting him attend playschool, I shivered and my eyes were filled with tears. I had the disease people called separation anxiety!!!

The first day that I sent my son to the playschool, I was very excited and so was my son. To me, he was not scared at all. In fact, he was extremely engrossed with the activities and totally forgotten about me! So, I went off.

But the next day, I cried in front of the headmistress, my friend. I told her that I felt myself as useless because I'm only taking care of my son - ONE son. Some people might think I'm useless because I can't handle even a son. My friend consoled me and told me that it's OK to send the child to the playschool. She has children younger than my son attending her school and yes, full time mother also needs rest and some personal time.

Full time mothers out there, do not fear of having your own personal time. I feel great having my own few hours now. I feel relaxed without my son tagging along when I need to do my homework. and yes, I feel recharged after the few hours of separation.