Bliss in Disguise

It has been quite some time since my last post. HUH!

My baby has another cold now. It is the 8th day. Thank God, he starts to have appetite for fruits again. He rejected fruits, I forgot since when, and I was so depressed that he even started to reject his meal.

Today, however, he ate banana, apple and papaya!!! How happy was I!

What does a mother want? I just want a healthy and cheerful growing baby...and of course, an obedient, responsible, gentle,... (and the list goes on)...

It may only take months for pregnancy and hours to give birth but it takes a LIFE TIME to care for one child...
But I'm happy to do it...for he is my child...my son...the best gift from God...

What are you waiting for?

This afternoon, while I was humming a song and patting my son to sleep, a sister in Christ, around my age, was in the emergency ward, fighting for life.

When I received the first SMS to pray for her when she was in the emergency ward, I felt sad for her. She has a son, which is not even one year old. She has so many things she wanted to do with her son, but...

When I received the second SMS informing me that she has passed away, I can't control  myself but cried. I am a bit emotional. Though we were not that close, but the fact that she passed away was drastic. How would her son accept the fact? He would then have to grow up without his mother.

These few days I have been thinking a lot . A lot of friends around fell sick and depressed. It slows me down to think and finished two books -"Have A Little Faith" by Mitch Albom and "Fish! for Life" by Stephen, Christensen and Paul.

 

What is the goal in life? I've been questioning myself. What have I achieved so far?

I think it is not what we HAVE but what we HAVE BEEN will be remembered. When we leave, we take nothing with us. We leave memories for others to cherish.

I remembered that when I was pregnant, I always drown myself in the sea of self-pity. I don't have pretty maternity clothes to wear. I don't eat much of those expensive bird nests. I don't have a mother or mother-in-law to cook me delicious soups. Nevertheless, God did a very touching thing. He sent his angel through sisters in Christ to care for me. Some even sent me soup! A sister once told me, "I get this love and I wanted to share it with the people I know." 

Are we passing around the LOVE we get? Are we too busy to notice the people who care for us? Are we making the day for others? 

We will never know whether others will remember us for life but who knows, our slightest move will cheer up a life on earth.

Jesus loves me. He loves you too...Do pass the love around. I am sure the love has been passed on to you and all you need to do is to give a little effort to make the day for someone else.

Second Course of Antibiotics

It is nearing a month from the first day that my son fell sick. His fever came and gone, came and gone, then cough and flu and recently, fever again. I just did not know what went wrong. Yesterday, we brought him to the fourth doctor. 

Doctor said that his tonsils are swollen and have white dots all over it. It is the sign of throat infection and the reason for the prolong fever. And he should be given antibiotics. I hesitated at first for giving him antibiotics. Frankly, if possible, I would avoid anything to do with antibiotics. And with recent reports from the newspaper that antibiotics will mess up the stomach and so on, it proves that antibiotics will do more harm to the body than good. We would prefer probiotics if possible, but not this time. Doctor said there is no other choice than antibiotics. 

When I reached home, I opened the box and read the instructions. I do not like the "Side Effects" part. Reading it made me shiver and refuse to let my son have the antibiotics. Nevertheless, long story cut short, I gave him at last. When I was thinking how much of harm the antibiotics would do to him, I was also thinking  on how much harm the throat infection would do to him. The infection could be worse than the antibiotics itself. 

Now, my son is going through the second course of antibiotics...at this age, not even one year old...

I really wish that he can have his healthy body again by the age of one, which is coming soon, on October 18. Keeping the fingers crossed...May God bless Isaac. 

Puppy Friendship

My son's fever relapsed on Wednesday. I was so exhausted from the last week routine of to and fro to the hospital and yet, when I thought I could finally have good nights sleep, his fever came again. This time doubled up with cough. 

On my side, my breastmilk on the right breast somehow got clogged up and caused stoned-like lump. It has been painful for quite a few days but I was too busy with my son that I didn't bother to do anything with it. So, the lump somehow caused me to have fever too. 

It was tiring enough to take care of my sick baby and then, I've to take care of my fever. Went to visit my breastfeed consultant and was advised that I am diagnosed with mastitis and should be taking antibiotics. If the case deteriorate, I may need to go through a minor surgery to have my breast cut open to get that lump out. Minor or major surgery, I definitely do not want my breast to be cut opened. It's horrible. Now, I don't understand why my breastmilk got clogged up. Never mind. Too tired to think about it.

My son's fever got better today. Mine too. Just need to keep monitoring the water intake.  During  these exhausted days, I tried to find comfort in friends. However, they disappointed me. 

When my son had red dots coming out from his body last week, I called my 'best buddy'. I thought she might know anything about dengue and the red dots since she has been working in the hospital for quite a few years already. But she didn't. It's fine. I don't mind that she didn't know anything about it. Maybe my expectations were too high, I wish that, when I needed comfort the most, she would call back or at least SMS me to ask about my son's condition. Alas! Never! I've became just like a stranger to her...

She was my best buddy since Secondary 1. We talked and shared about almost everything and because I have no sister, I treated her like one. Though through the years, we have not contacted much, I still keep her in my mind. Forgetting about birthdays, I admit I was not a proactive person who would go an extra mile to meet up with old friends. Nevertheless, I did sent out SMS occasionally reminding them of my EXISTENCE. 

I yearned for the long friendship - 17 years of friendship with this buddy. However, no matter what I did, she has no reactions towards me. I was so heartache. This buddy, a friend, whom I've always thought as my BEST of friends, ignored me and left me out just like that. She was my bride's maid in my wedding. She was my secret keeper. My uni mate said, "Friends come and go, family stays." Is that true?

Maybe I should not hold on to the past. Maybe I was too naive to believe that friendship could last. Maybe it's just a puppy friendship, like a relationship, it just lasted for a few years and that's it. 

Yes, I will move on...to someone who really cares...and not waste anymore time on someone, who will never care for me anymore.

Creepy Fever

My son  had a creepy fever last week. The reason I named it Creepy is because the fever crept into my son in the middle of the night. Thank God, He woke me up at 4am to check on my son's temperature and found that it hit 39.4 degree Celcius. I quickly opened a pack of Koolfever and stuck it on my baby's forehead, in hope that it would lower his temperature and let it be. 

The next morning, when we were awoke, I checked my baby's temperature again and only to find that it was still at 39 Celcius. I quickly informed my husband and we sent him to the Klinik Kesihatan. After taking 2 doses of medicine, my baby's temperature dropped to 37. 6. Nevertheless, at around 8.50pm, his temperature rose up to 40.1. We rushed him to the nearest clinic and the doctor inserted a suppository paracetamol into his rectum. His fever gone down but at 2am, I was awaken to check on his temperature and it hit 39 again. I inserted another dose of paracetamol into his rectum and prayed that he would be able to sleep through the night without any fever. 

Early the next morning, we quickly sent him to Hospital Selayang and medical officer took his blood sample to check. The result showed that his blood platelet is at the borderline, which is 156, while the healthy platelet count is at 150. The doctor advised us to let our son have another blood test the next day. To our shock, my baby's platelet dropped to 122 the next day and it worried me so much. Though he was not admitted, I was constantly praying and wishing that he did not need to be admitted. It would be painful to see him be put on drip and have his blood taken every day. 

The doctor advised the same: to go and have another blood test the next day until my baby's platelet stop dropping and reach back the minimum count. Though the doctor did not confirm whether it was dengue, we tried our best to put our son on the "FIGHTING DENGUE COURSE". I double-boiled "tin kai" (Cantonese) with baby bittergourd and forced down the liquid into my son's throat every 30 minutes.We knew it tasted bitter but he had to have it in order to "cool" his blood. When the liquid finished, we forced barley down him.

The next day, his platelet dropped to 113.  We went to the organic shop and asked for a kind of plant which was believed to be able to cure dengue. Nevertheless, the shop did not sell that. The owner, however, recommmended us, Beetroot juice and said that it can purify the 'dirty' blood and increase the platelet count. My husband bought it. We forced down the liquid into my baby's throat again thrice. At other time, I gave 5ml of Miki Prune juice. 

The following day, baby's platelet went up to 115. It was a relieve. Nevertheless, we were asked to have another blood test for the baby the next day because the rise on the platelet count was too little to determine whether he was going to be OK. We did the same regime - this time giving him 10ml  of water every 30 minutes to one hour. 

Thank God, my baby's platelet shot up to 168 the next day. He was freed, free from being held up to draw out his precious blood to test. And finally, I can really have a good sleep, without having to worry about his temperature.

Other Perspectives

As my husband and I came out from the clinic after bringing our son, Isaac, to check on his fever, we saw policemen at the other side of the road and a crowd of people.

“It must be robbery,” I said, assuming it because the crowd was in front of Public Bank.

I took the opportunity to ask around when my husband went to buy bread. I went to the steamboat restaurant and to the owner who was sitting there with her sister and friends.

I stood near their table and pretended to look to the other side of the road. Then, at some point, I asked, “Is it robbery?”

The owner replied that it was a burglary. The burglar was very young, only at his thirties. When he was found, he quickly jumped from the second floor of the apartment. Then, he ran to the other side of the road. Nevertheless, luck was not on his side. It must be his broken leg(s) that had stopped him from running and he was caught.
 

The owner said with a sad face and sighed. “It’s such a pity. He is such a young man.”

I smiled. My husband was coming my way. I bid farewell to the restaurant owner and left. 

 

As we were walking home, I told my husband the whole incident. My husband also listened with a heave of sigh.

 

Is there something wrong for pitying a burglar? From our point of view, we were thinking of all other possibilities that he chose to steal and not the fact that he STOLE. Maybe he has a family member that needed money urgently. Maybe he was too depressed and could find no way to solve his financial problem. But does that mean he can steal?
 

While I can choose to be a stay-at-home mother and housewife, men have to work. They have to bear the family’s burden. A friend of mine said that sleep is something that scare him for after a sleep, he has to face TOMORROW with more to pay. He once said, “Even if I don’t eat, I’ll still need money to pay for the car, the house and bills. I’m so scare, so scare to fall asleep.”
 

Another friend who is working in Singapore also said almost the same thing. “I am so scare. So scare that even when I have slept, I will be awaken by the fear that we have no food tomorrow.” This friend has a wife and son and they live in Johor but the husband works in Singapore and travels to and fro every day. The truth is, he has been working there almost 20 years and the clock is ticking away. Will he be a factory worker all his life and I doubt the factory will want a 50 year-old man to do the job when they can hire a 20 year-old lad who is more efficient. 

 

I understand how they feel. Though I was not them, I understood. My father was one. He played around and enjoyed his life. He depended his life, and even our lives on his mother, my grandmother. When my grandmother passed away, the whole world collapsed. My father had to grow up – he can’t be mommy’s boy anymore. He had to work and work hard enough for the family of four. When I was faced with critics and condemnations from my superior while working at a local bank, I cried most of the time and wanted to quit. My father would always tell me that I should not. “It is not worth quitting for such a high paying job”. Then he would start to tell me his proud story on how he stood against his superior and still worked in the same company. “No one can fire me as long as I don’t fire myself.”

Those days…

Not many are as thick faces as my father. He can face his enemy everyday without fear. While my husband didn’t need to face with a difficult superior, he needs to face with difficult clients from the condos or offices he manages. I can still remember when I was pregnant with Isaac, my husband was called at near midnight because there was no water supply in a condo that he manages. He had to stay in the condo’s hall for the whole midnight and several other midnights when the same thing happened again until the water supply was sufficient for the residents. Well, he didn’t mind working but the fact that after giving the best and yet, the unappreciative residents shouted in the phone for the incidents made me sad. At that moment, I realised…I realised that though it may be difficult to work, yet, MEN have to WORK for the family. They’ll learn to THICKEN their face in order for the family to survive.


Now, to me, FACE THICKENING COURSE only applies for those with SPM level or lower. As I can see from the trend, those with degrees or higher certifications cannot take much scoldings. To them, “if ‘bo song’ (Hokkien), I’ll leave.”


Is that so?


Why some people have to steal?
Why some people have to endure the condemnations, scolding and thicken their faces to face it?
Why some people can just leave their high paying job for the sake of ‘face’?

Why some people with higher education have lesser toleration towards office politics?
Why some people have a lot and yet wanted more?
 

Coincidentally, I find that the verses that I read yesterday in my Bible give me some light.

 

Matthew 6:26-27



Matthew 7:12
Do for others what you want them to do for you.

May you find real peace...

IRRESPONSIBLE DOCTOR

Ask any mother and she'll be able to tell you that a baby's fever comes in the evening. How ignorant was I! I didn't know it...When my son was infected with a certain virus, he had mild fever in the evenings ONLY. I took that to heart and told the Dr. A. But I was taken lightly. I changed to Dr.B and she told me that my son could have UTI (urinary tract infection) which one of the symptoms is evening mild fever. Then, I thought, now someone really listened to me. Urine sample was taken and without given the chance to check on the report, my husband was told that our son had UTI and he had to take 5 days of antibiotic. I gave the medicine to my son diligently. And soon after 5 days, I was relieved. 

When I brought my son for vaccination, I told Dr. A that my son had UTI previously. She asked to get the report and take the child for ultrasound scan. I did as told and when I returned to Dr. B's clinic to get the report - ALAS! Only to find that my son DID NOT have UTI. In fact, the urine test showed everything was NEGATIVE. I was really shocked and regretted to having fed my son the antibiotics for 5 full days! How much of damage could it have done to his body. Now, while Dr. B was not around, Dr. C let  me see the report for myself. Then, he explained that if my son was infected with UTI, he should have a more specific symptom such as:

1) urine difficulty - crying before or during each urination
2) blood in his urine
3) loss of appetite
4) constant fever

Lesson learnt: DO NOT believe everything a doctor said...CHECK THE REPORT yourself. and CHECK again with other doctors.

First Time Mother

Being a first time mother wasn't easy. After 10 months of learning and drilling, thank God, I'm still up and alive! Though I am taking Chinese medications all this while, it made no difference. I have to be a mother, a GOOD mother to my baby.

When he fell, he cried, and I cried too. Always almost immediately I'll put the blame of him falling on myself. "If only I would be more careful...If only I was there...," I thought. The train of thoughts would continue until the worms of guilt started to nibble into my life...How stupid could I be? I've lost just a moment with my son and he fell. If I continue to live in guilt, I am going to miss more.

When my son reached his six-month old, and was beginning to start his solid food, I was ecstatic. I wanted to feed him and make sure he listens and sits quietly until he finishes his meal. Yes, I don't like those parents who allow their children to graze on their food. Firstly, it is unhealthy for the child. Secondly, the child would not have table manners. But when time comes for me, I was faced with a huge challenge...not that my son was not willing to sit still but it was the cooking that I dread.

I burned the porridge a few times and my mother screaming at the top of her lungs for blackening her pots and cookware. I asked around and found that a few of my friends did not BOIL porridge. They DOUBLE-BOIL it instead. So, the porridge would NEVER EVER get burnt. How smart.

Thanks to Hooi Thiam for giving me the tips on cooking good porridge.

1. Lay a towel flat into a slow cooker.
2. Pour some water into the slow cooker ( get the towel wet).
3. Get a small china ware bowl or clay pot which could fit into the slow cooker.
4. Put the amount of rice to be cooked into the bowl/clay pot. (Make sure the rice is washed)
5. Add in other ingredients to be cooked eg. potato, carrot, pumpkin, sweet potato, onion, etc.
6. With each tablespoon of rice, pour in half a bowl or 80ml of water. (if 2 tbspn, 160ml water).
7. Cover up the bowl or clay pot and let the slow cooker cook for 3 hours.

Make sure to mash the potato, carrot, sweet potato, etc. and mix them evenly with the porridge. The porridge is just fine - with not too much or too less of water - just right for my baby.

My baby likes pumpkin, onion and anchovy soup porridge. But as my Chinese doctor advised, it is best to have a different menu each day for the baby. You don't like to eat the same thing everyday and neither do the baby. Though pumpkin is good, is not advisable to eat it everyday. Hence, the menu I have for my baby varies by the different combinations from the same ingredients.

Eg. Day 1 - anchovy, carrot, pumpkin
Day 2 - orange flesh sweet potato only (orange flesh is softer than yellow flesh ones)
Day 3 - fish porridge
Day 4 - spinach, anchovy, pumpkin
Day 5 - potato, carrot, onion
Day 6 - onion, pumpkin
Day 7 - carrot, anchovy